Jokes of the day for Friday, 25 July 2008

TheyÂ’d successfully clo...

TheyÂ’d successfully cloned a man in Holland and he was like the host in every way, except that he had a tendency for really foul language and rude body gestures.

Since he was so vulgar, the scientists knew that they couldn’t show him to the news people, due to the embarrassment they’d endure as a scientific body. So they decided to “eliminate” this one and start on a new one.

The scientists lured the guy to an open window 14 storeys up and then shoved him out. Needless to say he splattered upon impact.

When the law got involved, they couldnÂ’t decide what to charge the scientists with: On one hand, the Conservatives were saying that the dead man was, indeed, a human being and that the scientists were murderers. From the other side, the Liberals were saying that the guy was a lab experiment and, therefore, not entitled to any rights.

The cops finally decided to charge the scientists with Â…making an Obscene Clone Fall.

Which travels faster -- heat o...

You Are From Canada

1. You only know three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup.
   
   
2. You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
   
   
3. The mosquitoes have landing lights.
   
   
4. You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
   
   
5. You have 10 favourite recipes for moose meat.
   
   
6. Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
   
   
7. You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground.
   
   
8. You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
   
   
9. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
   
   
10. You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
    
    
11. The local paper covers national and international headlines on 1/4 page, but requires 6 pages for sports.
    
    
12. At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
    
    
13. The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
    
    
14. Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.
    
    
15. You think the start of moose season is a national holiday.
    
    
16. You head south to go to your cottage.
    
    
17. You frequently clean grease off your barbeque so the bears won't prowl on your deck.
    
    
18. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
    
    
19. The major parish fund-raiser isn't bingo - it's sausage making.
    
    
20. You find -40C a little chilly.
    
    
21. The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer.
    
    
22. You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your Sorels.
    
    
23. You can play road hockey on skates.
    
    
24. You know 4 seasons - Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction.
    
    
25. The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.
    
    
26. You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Northern friends.
    
    

New stamp

The stamps had pictures of lawyers on them and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

Submitted Curtis

Edited by Glaci

Final Confession

She kept trying to tell him something, but he kept saying, "Shhhh, don't worry now darling, just rest."

"But honey," she whispered, "I need to make a confession before I die... I slept with your brother, your best friend, and your father."

"Don't worry about it, sweetie," replied Adam as he wiped the tears from Brittany's cheek, "I know. Why do you think I poisoned you?"