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Jokes of the day for Thursday, 18 September 2008

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 18 September 2008

The Best Zen Teacher

Who is the best Zen teacher?

M.T. Ness
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 7.00/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (6)

Why do men like blonde jokes??...

Why do men like blonde jokes??LOCKQUOTE> Because they can understand them.
Joke | Source: Dos santos online - Not joke related site, but with joke of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (6)

Three Irishmen discussing the ...

Three Irishmen discussing the best invention in the history of mankind. "The wheel", says the first one, "definitely, the wheel, everywhere you can go now due to the wheel!"

"No, wrong you are", says the second. "'Twas fire, aye fire, now we can cook our food better by far."

"Both of ya are wrong" says number three. "Sure it be the thermos, aye, the thermos sure enough!"

Astounded his mates reply, "The bloody thermos??! All that does is keep hot things hot an' cold things cold!!"

"Yup," says number three. "But how does it bloody know?
#joke #food
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 4.20/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (5)

If you've been readin...

If you've been reading this blog with any regularity, you know that ThinkGeek is one of our favorite stores. Another ThinkGeek fan (TheSkull) started a ThinkGeek Group at and posted an RSS feed showing the latest clearance items available at ThinkGeek.

Not to be outdone here is an RSS feed showing the newest items AND the latest clearance items at ThinkGeek. One of the clearance items is the HYmini Portable Power Generator that I wrote about back in April. Now it's only $34.99 and you can save another $10 by using a coupon:

Joke | Source: -
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

The little man...

Rodney walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me two shots--one for me and one for my best buddy here."

The bartender says, "You want both drinks now or do you want me to wait until your buddy arrives to pour this?"

Rodney says, "Oh, I want them both now. I've got my best buddy in my pocket here."

With that, he pulls out a little three-inch man from his pocket.

The bartender says, "Wow! And you mean to say he can drink that much?"

"Oh, sure. He can drink it all and then some," the man retorted. So the bartender poured the two shots. Sure enough, the little guy drinks it all up.

"That's amazing!" says the bartender. "What else can he do? Can he walk?"

Rodney flicks a penny down to the end of the bar and says, "Hey, Al, go get that penny!" The little guy runs down to the end of the bar, picks up the penny, and hauls it back down and gives it to Rodney.

The bartender is totally amazed by this display. "That's amazing," he says. "What else can he do? Does he talk?"

Rodney looks up at the bartender with a look of surprise in his eye and squawks, "Talk? Sure, he talks! Hey, Al, tell him about that time we were down in Africa on safari and you insulted that witch doctor!"

#joke #doctor #walksintoabar #drinks
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 4.29/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (7)

A three-legged dog walks into ...

A three-legged dog walks into a Wild West saloon and says: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
Emma Bailey, East Lothian

If you have a joke to share e-mail:

The full article contains 42 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
Page 1 of 1

Joke | Source: - Joke of the day
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

Rural Australian Thesaur...

Rural Australian Thesaurus of Computer Termonology

* Log On - Make the BBQ hotter

* Log off - the BBQ is too hot

* Monitor - keeping an eye on the BBQ

* Download - Gettin the firewood off the back of the ute

* Hard Drive - Trip back from town without any cold tinnies

* Floppy disc - What you get lifting too much firewood at one time

* Keyboaard - Where you hang the ute and bike keys

* Window - What you shut when it's cold

* Screen - What you shut in the mosquito season

* Byte - What mosquitos do

* Bit - What mosquitos did

* Mega Byte - What Newcastle Hunter River mosquitos do

* Chip - A bar snack

* Micro chip - What's left in the bag after you have eaten all the chips

* Modem - What you did to the lawns

* Dot Matrix - Old Dan Matrix's wife

* Laptop - Where the cat sleeps

* Software - Plastic knives and forks you get at Big Rooster

* Hardware - Real stainless steel knives and forks from K-Mart

* Mouse - What eats the grain in the shed

* Mainframe - What hold the shed up

* Web - What spiders make

* Web Site - The shed under the verandah

* Cursor - The old bloke that swears a lot

* Search Engine - What you do when the ute won't go

* Yahoo - What you say when the ute does go

* Upgrade - A steep hill

* Server - The person at the pub who brings out the counter lunch

* Mail Server - The bloke at the pub that brings out the counter lunch

* User - The neighbour that keeps borrowing things

* Network - When you have to repair your fishing net

* Internet - Complicated fish net repair method

* Netscape - When fish manoeuvres out of reach of net

* Online - When you get the laundry hung out

* Off Line - When the pegs wont hold the washing up

#joke #animal #cat #mouse #rooster #fish #mosquito #food #lunch #sport #fishing
Joke | Source: - Jokes: Joke of the Day
  • Currently 4.40/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (5)

What did the monster say after...

What did the monster say after the mad scientist cloned him? Nothing, he was beside himself.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (6)

Eating The Piece Of Fruit

Two Polish guys were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train. A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they'd never seen before. Each bought one.

The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel. When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across to his friend and said, "I wouldn't eat that if I were you."

"Why not?"

"I took one bite and went blind for half a minute."

#joke #fruit #banana #food #eating
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 6.33/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (6)

Clean St. Patrick's Day Humor

In hearing an Irish case of assault and battery, counsel, in cross examining one of the witnesses, asked him what they had the first place they stopped at.

"Four glasses of ale," was the reply.


"Two glasses of whiskey."


"One glass of brandy."


"A fight."

In West Kerry, the wife commented, "When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger. You don't love me any more...."

"Nonsense, darling," replied the husband, "you cook better now."

#joke #food #steak #drinks #whiskey
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.80/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (5)

Feel the Hot Burn of Shame!!!

Have you seen the hottest new Catholic porn film?
It's 10 minutes of sex and 50 minutes of guilt.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 6.13/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (8)

Signs Of Christmas

Toy ...

Signs Of Christmas

Toy Store: “Ho, ho, ho spoken here.”

Bridal boutique: “Marry Christmas.”

Outside a church: “The Original Christmas Club.”

At a department store: “Big pre-Christmas sale.
Come in and mangle with the crowd.”

A Texas jewelry store: “Diamond tiaras — $70,000.
Three for $200,000.

A reducing salon: “24 Shaping Days until Christmas.”

In a stationery store: “For the man who has everything…
a calendar to remind him when payments are due.”

#joke #christmas
Joke | Source: Joke of the day - Jokes of the day on Wordpress
  • Currently 4.43/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (37)

there was this hooker named Ju...

there was this hooker named Judi who mistook a Salvation Army man for a soldier and propositioned him.

The Salvation Army gent said, "Ma'am, you may be forgiven, as a pitiable victim of circumstances. Tell me, are you familiar with the concept of 'original sin'?"

Judi replied, "Well, maybe and maybe not. But if it's *really* original, it'll cost you an extra $20."

Joke | Source: Ray Owens' Joke A Day - Making Fun Of Morons Since 1863
  • Currently 6.08/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (12)

An engi...

An engineer dies and reports to hell.

Pretty soon, the engineer becomes dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and lifts, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer: "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies: "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and lifts, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies: "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake - he should never have gone down there; send him up here."

Satan says: "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says: "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs and answers: "Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"

(With apologies to any lawyers reading this ... but the rest of us think it's funny ...)
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 15 August 2008
  • Currently 5.91/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (11)

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Q: How many Manchester City fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None - they're quite happy living in the shadows.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 26 June 2008
  • Currently 5.13/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (53)

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