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Jokes of the day for Friday, 14 November 2008

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 14 November 2008

A doctor goes out and buys the...

A doctor goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand new Ferrari GTO It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500,000.

He takes it out for a spin and stops at a red light.

An old man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to him. The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, "What kind of car ya got there, sonny?"

The doctor replies, "A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!"

"That's a lot of money," says the old man. "Why does it cost so much?"

"Because this car can do up to 250 miles an hour!" states the doctor proudly.

The Moped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?"

"No problem," replies the doctor.

So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right... but I'll stick with my Moped!"

Just then the light changes, so the doctor decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds, the speedometer reads 150 mph.

Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror - what it could be... and suddenly.

WHHHOOOOOOSSSSSHHH!

Something whips by him going much faster! "What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?" the doctor asks himself. He floors the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 175 mph.

Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the Moped!

Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and passes the moped at 210 mph.

WHOOOOOOOSHHHHH!

He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN!

Astounded by the speed of his old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 250 mph.

Not ten seconds later,he sees the Moped bearing down on him again!

The Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing he can do!

Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end.

The doctor stops and jumps out and ,unbelievably , the old man is still alive. He runs up to the mangled old man and says, "Oh My Gosh! Is there anything I can do for you?"

The old man whispers, "Unhook my suspenders from your side mirror."
#joke #doctor
Joke
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Another room...

The drunk staggered up to the hotel reception and demanded his room be changed.

"But sir," said the clerk, "you have the best room in the hotel."

"I insist on another room!!" said the drunk.

"Very good, sir. I`ll change you from 502 to 555. Would you mind telling me why you don't like 502?" asked the clerk.

"Well, for one thing," said the drunk, "it's on fire."

#joke
Joke
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

SLIDESHOW #69 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Why was the strawberry depress...

Why was the strawberry depressed?
His parents were in a jam.

Mark Black, Abbeyhill
If you have a joke you would like to share with us e-mail: letters_en@edinburgh news.com


The full article contains 37 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
Page 1 of 1

  • #joke
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

The Christmas Party

...

The Christmas Party

Tom had been in business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quit his job and bought 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible.

He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month.

Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.

After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door.

He opens it and there is a huge, bearded man standing there.

"Name's Lars, your neighbour from forty miles up the road...Having Christmas party Friday night... Thought you might like to come. About 5:00..."

"Great," says Sam, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks............Thank you."

As Lars is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you... There's gonna be some drinkin'.

"Not a problem," says Tom. "After 25 years in business, I can drink with the best of em."

Again, as he starts to leave, Lars stops. More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too."

Sam says, "Well, I get along with people, I'll be alright. I'll be there. Thanks again."

Once again Lars turns from the door. "More'n likely be some wild sex, too."

"Now that's really not a problem," says Tom, warming to the idea. "I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there.

By the way, what should I wear?"

Lars stops in the door again and says, "Whatever you want. Just gonna be the two of us."

#joke #christmas #friday
Joke | Source: http://www.webwombat.com.au/ - Jokes: Joke of the Day
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

One snake asks another, "Are w...

One snake asks another, "Are we poisonous snakes?" The other replies, "Yes, of course! We're rattlesnakes. Why do you ask?" The first says, "I just bit my tongue."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Answering Machine Message 13


Hi. This is John's answering machine. He's not here, but I'm open to suggestions.





#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Grasshopper

A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!"

The grasshopper looks surprised and says, "You have a drink named Steve?"

#joke #short #walksintoabar
Joke
  • Currently 6.71/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

That's A Buncha Bull

A man was visiting Spain and passed by a restaurant in Madrid after a bullfight. They were advertising that they served the balls of the bull who lost the bullfight. Intrigued, the man went inside, only to find that where was a six-week waiting list to get to eat the loser's balls. So he signed up and came back six weeks later. When he got his meal, there were two teeny, teeny balls on his plate. He called the waiter over to complain.

"I've waited six weeks for bull balls. What are these?"

"Sir," the waiter said, "the bull doesn't always lose."

#joke
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Famous Jokes

A Dinner Blessing…..

Ed, was a strictly a ‘meat-and-potatoes' man. Over the years, he's learned to like more foods, but there are still two vegetables he won't eat. His family likes to tease him about it.

One year at a holiday gathering, Ed got the last laugh when he gave this cute tongue-in-cheek blessing: Now we sit to eat what's here; we pray no green stuff will appear. No Brussels sprouts or any such
and asparagus, Lord, would be too much. But give us meat that's white or red and potatoes, corn and lots of bread. Some good brown gravy wouldn't hurt and to top it off, some pie for dessert.

#joke

Joke | Source: Joke of the day - Jokes of the day on Wordpress
  • Currently 2.20/10

Rating: 2.2/10 (5)

A young...

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.

Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"

The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 04 August 2008
  • Currently 5.67/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (6)

There's trouble with the car...

Wife: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."
Husband: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous."
Wife: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."
Husband: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car?"
Wife: "In the pool."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 5.43/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (7)

When world was created

VP candidate Sarah claims to know that the world was created 6,000 years ago—but most Palin-ontologists would disagree.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

Marriage Lottery

"Do you believe marriage is a lottery?"
"No... it's not. In a lottery, a man is supposed to have a chance."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.13/10

Rating: 9.1/10 (16)

This useful tool is commonly f...

This useful tool is commonly found in the range of 8 inches long, the functioning of which is enjoyed by members of both sexes. It is usually found hung, dangling loosely, ready for instant action. It boasts of a clump of little hairy things at one end and a small hole at the other.
In use, it is inserted, almost always willingly, sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, into a warm, fleshy, moist opening where it is thrust in and drawn out again and again many times in succession, often quickly and accompanied by squirming bodily movements.
Anyone found listening in will most surely recognize the rhythmic, pulsing sound, resulting from the well lubricated movements. When finally withdrawn, it leaves behind a juicy, frothy, sticky white substance, some of which will need cleaning from the outer surfaces of the opening and some of from its long glistening shaft.
After everything is done and the flowing and cleansing liquids have ceased emmanating, it is returned to its freely hanging state of rest, ready for yet another bit of action, hopefully reaching its bristling climax twice or three times a day, but often much less. Ah yes, such are the characteristics of one's toothbrush!
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

Expensive Barbie!

A man was driving home from work one evening when he suddenly realized that it was his daughter's birthday and he hadn't yet bought her a gift.

So, the man rushed off to the nearest toy store and asked the sales clerk, "How much is that Barbie in the window?"

The sales clerk replied in a condescending tone, "Which Barbie? We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorce Barbie for $265.00."

The overwhelmed man asked, "Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.00 and all the others are only $19.95?"

"That's obvious!" said the sales clerk. "Divorce Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture..."

#joke
Joke
  • Currently 8.48/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (27)

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