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Jokes of the day for Friday, 05 December 2008

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 05 December 2008

Women should have labels on th...

Women should have labels on their foreheads saying

"Danger: Government Health Warning: Women can be dangerous to your brains, bank account, confidence, razor blades and good standing among your friends."
#joke #short
  • Currently 3.40/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (5)

Walking economy...

A guy is walking down the street with his friend. He says to his friend, "I'm a walking economy."

His friend replies, "How's that?"

"It's like this -- my hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and the combination of these factors is putting me into a deep depression."

#joke
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (2)

SLIDESHOW #46 - Funny Photo Slideshow


WHAT do you do if you fi...


WHAT do you do if you find a trumpet weed in the garden?
Root it oot!

#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (3)

Bad Sunburn

A gu...

Bad Sunburn

A guy falls asleep on the beach for several hours and gets a horrible sunburn.

He goes to the hospital and is promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second degree burns.

He was already starting to blister and in agony.

The doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline and electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.

The nurse, rather astounded, said, "What good will Viagra do him?"

The doctor replied, "It'll keep the sheets off his legs."

#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: http://www.webwombat.com.au/ - Jokes: Joke of the Day
  • Currently 5.67/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (3)

Science News: Scientists annou...

Science News: Scientists announced today that they have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It is known as the Wedding Cake.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 7.00/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (9)

Boat Troubles


During late spring one year, a blonde was trying out her new boat. She was unable to have her boat perform, travel through water, or do any maneuvers whatsoever no matter how hard she tried.

After trying for over three days to make it work properly, she decided to seek help. She putted the boat over to the local marina in hopes that someone there could identify her problem.

Workers determined that everything from the engine to the outdrive was working perfectly on the topside of the boat. So, a puzzled marina employee jumped into the water to check underneath the boat for problems. Because he was laughing so hard, he came up choking on water and gasping for air. Under the boat, still strapped in place securely, was the trailer.





#joke #blonde
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 7.33/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (9)

Mason Dixon Line

Mason-Dixon: Line that separates y'all from youse.

#joke #short
  • Currently 5.75/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (4)

Gourmet Reporter

A magazine reporter is traveling through a rainforest, in search of a fabled cannibalistic tribe. He falls into a trap, goes unconscious and wakes up tied to a stake with a fire burning slowly underneath him.
He cries out for help, and is answered by what is obviously one of the tribesmen, who informs him that he is going to be served as dinner to the leader of the tribe.
"But you don''t understand!" he cries, "You can''t do this to me! I''m an editor for the New Yorker magazine!"
"Ah," replies the tribesman, "Well look on the bright side. Soon you will be editor-in-chief!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (8)

A manager brings a dog ...

A manager brings a dog into a nightclub to work.
The dog is a brilliant piano player.  He plays all the
standards.  He's sitting there, pounding out the tunes,
when all of a sudden, a big dog comes in and drags him
out.  The nightclub owner asks, “What happened?”

The manager says,
“That's his mother.  She wants him to be a doctor.”

#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Joke of the day - Jokes of the day on Wordpress
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (43)

...

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 25 August 2008
  • Currently 3.27/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (11)

Law of Advertising

T...

Law of Advertising

Truth won't stick to glossy paper.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 23 August 2008
  • Currently 5.17/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (6)

Seven New York City bartenders...

Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. The results:
Drink: Beer
Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.
Drink: Blender Drinks
Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the buttocks.
Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.
Drink: Mixed Drinks
Personality: Older, more refined, high maintenance, has very picky taste; knows exactly what she wants.
Your Approach: You won't have to approach her,> if she is interested, she'll send YOU a drink.
Drink: Wine - (does not include White Zinfandel, see below)
Personality: Conservative and classy; sophisticated yet giggles.
Your Approach: Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings with friends.
Drink: White Zinfandel
Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually has no clue.
Your approach: Make her feel smarter than she is.... this should be an easy target.
Drink: Shots
Personality: Likes to hang with frat-boy pals and looking to get totally drunk...... and naked.
Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. You have been blessed this evening. Nothing to do but wait. However, be careful not to make her mad!
Then there is the MALE addendum. The deal with guys is, as always, very simple and clear cut:
Domestic Beer: He's poor and wants to get laid.
Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid.
Wine: He's hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image to help him get laid.
Whiskey: He doesn't give a hoot about anything but getting laid.
Tequila: He is thinking he has a chance with the toothless waitress.
White Zinfandel: He's gay.
#joke #beer
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 8.08/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (12)

Improvements in Hell

An engineer died and ended up in Hell. He was not pleased with the level of comfort in Hell, and began to redesign and build improvements. After awhile, they had toilets that flush, air conditioning, and escalators. Everyone grew very fond of him.
One day God called to Satan to mock him, "So, how's it going down there in Hell?"
Satan replied, "Hey, things are great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." God was surprised, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake. He should never have gotten down there in the first place. Send him back up here."
"No way," replied Satan. "I like having an engineer, and I'm keeping him."
God threatened, "Send him back up here now or I'll sue!"
Satan laughed and answered, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

Computer error

A husband and a wife were trying to set up a new password to their computer.

The husband said "Put MYPENIS."

The wife fell on the ground laughing because on screen was an error message...

"Error. Not long enough."

#joke
  • Currently 7.25/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (12)

April Fool's Day Prank - Paint a bar of soap ...

Paint a bar of soap with clear nail polish to prevent it from lathering.
#joke #short #aprilfoolsday #prank
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 8.25/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (8)

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