Jokes of the day for Thursday, 01 January 2009
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 01 January 2009 |
Paper shredder...
The new employee stood before the paper shredder looking confused.
"Need some help?" a secretary asked.
"Yes," he replied. "How does this thing work?"
"Simple," she said, taking the fat report from his hand and feeding it into the shredder.
"Thanks, but where do the copies come out?"
Where should a dressmaker buil...
Where should a dressmaker build her house?On the outskirts.
The Gremlin, Abbey Terrace
A manager brings a dog ...
A manager brings a dog into a nightclub to work.The dog is a brilliant piano player. He plays all the
standards. He's sitting there, pounding out the tunes,
when all of a sudden, a big dog comes in and drags him
out. The nightclub owner asks, “What happened?”
The manager says,
“That's his mother. She wants him to be a doctor.”
Pete Lee: Making Love in a Car Wash
I was reading this article the other day, and it said, The perfect way to spice up your love life is to make love in a car wash. Let me tell you guys from experience -- no, it is not. Its also the perfect way to ruin a church fundraiser. An insurance agent's wife was ...
An insurance agent's wife was learning to drive when the brakes failed. "What should I do?" she cried. "Brace yourself, and try to hit something cheap."After John had purchased movie...
After John had purchased movie tickets for himself and his girlfriend, she went inside to find seats while he got some popcorn. By the time he was served, the previews were being shown and the theater was dark. John stumbled his way through the dark, sat down and gave his girlfriend a kiss.Then he heard a familiar voice say, "John, I'm back here."
The godfather
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of $10 million bucks. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not hear anything that he might have to testify about in court.
When the Godfather goes to confront the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language. The Godfather tells the lawyer 'Ask him where the $10 million bucks he embezzled from me is'. The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the money is?
The bookkeeper signs back: 'I don't know what you are talking about'. The attorney tells the Godfather: 'He says he doesn't know what you're talking about'. The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple and says, 'Ask him again'! The attorney signs to the bookkeeper: 'He'll kill you if you don't tell him'! The bookkeeper signs back: 'OK! OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens'!
The Godfather asks the attorney: 'Well, what'd he say'? The attorney replies: 'He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger'.
Who gets the present?
The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present.
"Who is the most obedient?" he asked. "Who never talks back to Mother? Who does everything she says?"
Five small voices answered in union. "Okay, Dad. You get the toy."
The blind salesman
A guy goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel. He doesn't know which one to get, so he just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a Wal-Mart associate standing there with dark shades on. He says, "Excuse me, Sir...can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"
He says, "Sir, I'm blind, but if you will drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes." The guy didn't believe him but dropped it on the counter anyway.
He said, "Thats a 6' graphite rod with a Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line...It's a good all around rod and reel, and it's $20.00."
The guy says, "It is amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for, so I'll take it."
He walks behind the counter to the register, and in the meantime the guy farts. At first he is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was him. Being blind, the salesman wouldn't know that he was the only other person around. He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50."
The guy says, "But didn't you say it was $20.00?" He says, "Yes sir, the rod and reel is $20.00, the duck call is $3.00, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50."
Honesty Policy
Boss (to the new employee): We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?
New employee: Yes, sir.
Boss: We are also keen on truthfulness. There is no mat.
