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Jokes of the day for Saturday, 07 February 2009

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 07 February 2009

Q: What do yo...

Q: What do you do when your dishwasher breaks down?



A: You slap the bitch.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy.com - The World Famous Comedy.com Daily Joke!
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Top Ten Country & Western Song

10. I Hate Every Bone In Her Body But Mine
#joke #short
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

SLIDESHOW #26 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Grandpa and God

My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, “Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?”
I mentally polished my halo while I asked, “Now, how are we alike?”
“You’re both old,” he replied.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 2.67/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (51)

Girl: You would be a good dan...

Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things.
Boy: What are the two things?
Girl: Your feet.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
  • Currently 6.33/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (6)

The General Managers of Cascad...

The General Managers of Cascade Brewery (Tasmania), Tooheys (NewSouth Wales), XXXX (Queensland), CUB (Victoria) and Coopers (South Australia) were at a national beer conference.
They decide to all go to lunch together and the waitress asks what they want to drink.
The General Manager of Tooheys says without hesitation, "I'll have a Tooheys New."
The General Manager of Cascade smiles and says, "I'll have a Cascade Draught, brewed from pure mountain water."
The General Manager of Coopers proudly says, "I'll have a Coopers, the King of Beers."
The bloke from XXXX says, "I'll have a XXXX, the cleanest beer on the planet."
The General Manager from Carlton glances at his lunch mates and says, "I'll have a Diet Coke."
The others look at him like he has sprouted a new head.
He just shrugs and says, "Well if you poofters aren't drinking beer, then neither will I."
#joke #beer
  • Currently 6.80/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (41)

What's The Difference Bet...

What's The Difference Between A Bad Golfer And A Bad Skydiver?

A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!

A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack
#joke #short
  • Currently 7.43/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (7)

Solution To The Y2K Problem


The government's system administration team, working with computer manufacturers and experts in the computer industry, has found a lower cost alternative to address the Y2K (Year 2000) issue: The goal is to remove all computers from the desktop by December 31, 1999. In exchange for taking every computer, an Etch-A-Sketch will be issued to all Americans. There are many reasons for doing this:
1. No Y2K problems.
2. No technical glitches keeping working from being done.
3. No more wasted time reading and writing E-Mails.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) from the Etch-A-Sketch Help Desk:
Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has funny lines all over the screen. What do I do?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: What's the shortcut for Undo?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I create a new document?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I set the background and foreground to the same color?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: What is the proper procedure for re-booting my Etch-A-Sketch ?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch ?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch Document ?
A: Don't shake it.

#joke #december
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 6.25/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (4)

Mechanical vs. Chemical

Q: Whats the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
A: Mechanical engineers build weapons; civil engineers build targets.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (2)

Did you hear about the jailed ...

Did you hear about the jailed dude who was found in his cell with half a dozen bumps on his head? He tried to hang himself with a bungee cord.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

The Mailbox

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when an attractive blonde neighbor came out of her house and went straight to her mailbox. She opened it, then slammed it shut, and stormed back in her house. A little later, she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox, opened it and slammed it shut again. Angered, she again stormed back in her house.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out yet again. She marched to the mailbox, opened it, and then slammed it shut harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions, the man asked, "Is something wrong?" "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying "You've Got Mail."

#joke #blonde
  • Currently 3.83/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (6)

What's the plumbing co...

What's the plumbing company run by nuns called?
Cisterns of Mercy
#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 5.25/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (4)

Bill Engvall: Creepy Old Man Status Achieved At 50

I love being fifty. Fifty is a very cool age. But it does come with some responsibilities. Like fifty-year-old guys cant go out with really young girls anymore. Up to fifty, you can. But once you hit fifty, you become that creepy old guy. And weve all done it. You see some old guy with some young girl, you dont sit there and go Aw, that is so sweet. This is what everybody in this room says: Money or drugs, thats all Im saying. Money or drugs.
#joke
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (38)

Top 10 things NOT to say to...

Top 10 things NOT to say to parents when picking up a date
1. "Sorry I'm a little late. I had to stop by the drugstore."
2. "Show me how you used to spank her."
3. "Please come inside? Wow, you sound just like your daughter."
4. "Do you think she would put out if I told her that I loved her?"
5. "I just got my license today."
6. "I believe being sexually active since I was 12 has helped me mature."
7. "Five bucks says she's a D-cup."
8. "Hey do you have an empty pop can and some matches?"
9. "Hi. I'm Robert, but my friends call me 'Back Door Bob'."
10. "So, does your wife just lay there during sex too?"
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

The vet

There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself through veterinary school working nights as a taxidermist.

Upon graduation, he decided he could combine his two vocations to better serve the needs of his patients and their owners, while doubling his practice and, therefore, his income.

He opened his own offices with a shingle on the door saying, "Dr. Jones, Veterinary Medicine and Taxidermy -- Either way, you get your dog back!"

#joke
  • Currently 9.11/10

Rating: 9.1/10 (36)

The Wisdom of Yoda – a little late

The Wisdom of Yoda – a little late
#joke
Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Jokes Archive

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