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Jokes of the day for Friday, 25 February 2011

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 25 February 2011

Holy Trick

The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So... he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to say Mass for him that day.
As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church!
At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?"
The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not."
Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. It WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE! St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why did you let him do that?"
The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell?"
#joke #sport #golf
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 5.20/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (5)

You can't make fun of te...

You can't make fun of terrorists anymore. Except if they're jihad-disseds.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 3.33/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (9)

Discussing the environment wit...

Discussing the environment with his friend, John asked, “Which of our natural resources do you think will become exhausted first?” “The taxpayer,” replied his friend.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.20/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (5)

Funny Photo of the day - Piracy In Somalia Used To Be So Tame

Piracy In Somalia Used To Be So Tame | Source : There I fixed it - photos of ur handiwork!
  • Currently 4.14/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (7)

After traveling a few blocks, ...

After traveling a few blocks, Miss Bigtits realized she had no money and, immediately informed the driver.

"You'd better stop. I can't pay you and it's ten dollars already," she said.

The driver checked her out in the rear-vision mirror. "That's okay," he said. "I'll turn down the first dark street, get in the back seat and take off your bra."

"You'd be cheating yourself," she replied.

"This bra is only worth five dollars."
#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 4.33/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (12)

The race...

Two natural gas company service personnel, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of an alley and worked their way to the other end.

At the last house, a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter. When they finished, the senior supervisor, proud of his physical condition, challenged his younger co-worker to a foot race back to their truck.

As they approached the truck, they realized that the woman from the last house they checked was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong.

Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I saw two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run, too!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.14/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (7)

Military Traditions


Top Holiday Traditions In The Military
9. Gluing Santa beard to your gas mask
8. Roasting chestnuts with an M4-A3 flamethrower
7. Draw up list of who's naughty, who's nice and who can't run their 2 miles without wheezing like an infant
6. Christmas morning, getting to sleep in till 0530
5. You open a gift and surprise! It's a khaki-colored t-shirt
4. Extra R&R for any personnel named Donner or Blitzen
3. There's always plenty of parking at the mall when you're driving a tank
2. Watching "Frosty" and crying my eyes out
1. Freeze-dried, shelf-stable, vacuum-sealed eggnog

#joke #christmas
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (6)

Women Drivers

A truck driver tried to edge his semi past the blonde lady driver on the road ahead of him as she was obviously having difficulty deciding which lane she wanted to be in. Finally, her mind made up, the woman veered into the truck driver's lane and jammed on her brakes, which resulted in a slight collision.

Unhurt but obviously harried, the blonde driver rushed over to the truck driver and started to bawl him out, barking, "You knew I was going to do something idiotic. Why didn't you stop to wait and see what it was?"

#joke #blonde
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.13/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (8)

Demetri Martin: Exit Only

I saw a sign on this door; it said, Exit Only. So, I entered it and went up to the guy working there, and I was like, I have some good news. You have severely underestimated this door over here by, like, 100%, man.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.56/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (71)

Little Johnny had finished his...

Little Johnny had finished his summer vacation and gone back to school. Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to
tell her that he was misbehaving.
"Wait a minute," she said. "I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 21 April 2010
  • Currently 5.65/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (20)

A college student picked up hi...

A college student picked up his date at her parents home. He'd scraped together every cent he had to take her to a fancy restaurant. To his dismay, she ordered almost everything expensive on the menu. Appetizers, lobster, champagne. . .the works. Finally he asked her,
"Does your Mother feed you like this at home?"
"No," she said, "but my Mother's not looking to get laid, either."
#joke #drinks #champagne
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 22 December 2009
  • Currently 4.59/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (71)

A Yogi Walked into a Pizza Parlor…

What did the Yogi say when he walked into the Zen Pizza Parlor?
"Make me one with everything."
When the Yogi got the pizza, he gave the proprietor a $20 bill. The proprietor pocketed the bill. The Yogi said "Don't I get change?"
The proprietor said, "Change must come from within."

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 25 February 2010
  • Currently 5.46/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (54)

Bank Robber Stealing


The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
LOS ANGELES TIMES, December 9:
A man walked into a branch of the Antelope Valley Bank and handed a teller a note demanding money. The man had one hand in his pocket, as if holding a gun, so the teller began handing over the contents of her cash drawer.
When she had forked over $7,000 the robber said, "That's enough" and walked out the door. It's hard to find a bank robber who knows when he's had enough.

#joke #december #animal #antelope
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 25 February 2010
  • Currently 6.55/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (53)

God and Eve in the Garden

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God...

"Lord, I have a problem!"

"What's the problem, Eve?"

"Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this

beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that

hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not happy."

"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.

"Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples."

"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create

a man for you."

"What's a 'man,' Lord?"

"This man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits.

He'll lie,>cheat, and be vainglorious; all in all, he'll give

you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger, faster, and will like

to hunt and kill things. He will look silly aroused, but

since you've been complaining, I'll create him in such in a

way that he will satisfy your ah, physical needs. He'll be

witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and

kicking a ball about. He won't be too smart, so he'll also

need your advise to think properly.

"Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.

"What's the catch, Lord?"

"Yeah, well.... you can have him on one condition."

"What's that, Lord?"

"As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring . .

. So you'll have to let him believe that I made him first . .

. So, just remember . . . it's our secret . . . Woman to

woman."

#joke #animal #snake #fruit #apple
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 25 February 2010
  • Currently 5.77/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (35)

Pete Holmes: I Love New York

There are so many people in this city, so much happening, that its impossible to tell if your apartment is haunted. Think about that, thats true. Cause you can hear anything, at any hour -- theres always something to blame it on.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 25 February 2010
  • Currently 4.21/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (28)

Honey Pie

After a nice dinner the two couples got up from the table. The ladies went into the kitchen and the men went into the family room.

One of the gents said to the other, "I think it is so wonderful how you call your wife, "honey pie" and "sweet pea", and "sugar" all the time.

The other gent said, "Well to tell you the truth, four years ago, I forget her name."

#joke #food #dinner #sugar #honey #pie
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 5.86/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (7)

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