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Jokes of the day for Friday, 20 January 2012

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 20 January 2012

Funny jokes-Blanket

A guy's going on a business trip and he has to take his secretary with him, and she's really crazy about him. The first night on the Amtrak, she's in the top bunk and he's in the bottom bunk. She says, "Mr. Forsythe! Mr. Forsythe! I'm chilly! I think I need a blanket!"
He says, "Miss Schmitt, how'd you like to pretend you're Mrs. Forsythe for a little while?
She says, "Oh, I'd like that."
He says, "Then get you own damn blanket."
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 5.86/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (7)

A beautiful, sexy, good lookin...

A beautiful, sexy, good looking lady was sitting next to a guy on a plane......

The lady said to him, "Can you help me remove something from my breast please?"

The excited young man replied, "Wow! It will be my pleasure....... So what is it?"

"Your eyes, idiot!"
#joke #short
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 6.43/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (7)

SLIDESHOW #15 - Funny Photo Slideshow

The government bill to ban alc...

The government bill to ban alcohol was met by a chorus of booze.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (12)

Funny video of the day - Cat in drawer

Cat in drawer - Do not disturb! - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 6.80/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (5)

A beautiful, sexy, good lookin...

A beautiful, sexy, good looking lady was sitting next to a guy in a plane...... The lady said to him ' Can you help me remove something from my breast please? ‘The exciting young man replied, 'Wow! It will be my pleasure....... So what is it?' "Your Eyes, idiot!"
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 6.08/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (13)

Funny Photo of the day - Pop corn

Pop corn - now the movie can start | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 4.13/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (8)

An attorney telephoned the gov...

An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency.

An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor.

'So, what is it?' grumbled the governor.

'Judge Garber has just died' said the attorney, 'and I want to take his place.'

The governor replied: 'Well, it's OK with me if it's OK with the undertaker.'
#joke
  • Currently 4.90/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (10)

You might be a redneck if 01

You might be a redneck if...

More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.

You think the stock market has a fence around it.

You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.

You've ever lost a loved one to kudzu.

Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.

Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.

You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

You've ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.

Your home has more miles on it than your car.

#joke
  • Currently 4.11/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (9)

10 Commandments of Marriage

Commandment 1.
Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.

Commandment 2.
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Commandment 3.
Marriage is grand — and divorce is at least 100 grand!

Commandment 4.
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Commandment 5.
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.

Commandment 6.
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Commandment 7.
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish talking.

Commandment 8.
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

Commandment 9.
Every woman wants a man who is handsome, understanding, economical and a considerate lover, but again, the law allows only one husband.

Commandment 10.
Man is incomplete until he marries. After that, he is finished.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 6.10/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (50)

Gabriel Iglesias: Looking for a Pregnancy Test

I dont even have a clue as to where to find a pregnancy test. Im looking at all the aisles -- they dont have one that says oops.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 16 November 2011
  • Currently 5.74/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (38)

The phrase "dead ringer" refer...

The phrase "dead ringer" refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 27 May 2011
  • Currently 3.49/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (53)

The new minister's wife had a ...

The new minister's wife had a baby. The minister appealed to the congregation for a salary increase to cover the addition to the family.The congregation agreed that it was only fair, and approved it.
When the next child arrived, the minister appealed again and the congregation approved again.
Several years and five children later, the congregation was a bit upset over the increasing expense. This turned into a rather loud meeting one night with the minister. Finally, the minister stood and shouted out,"Having children is an act of God!!"
An older man in the back stood and shouted back, "Rain and snow are acts of God, too, and we wear rubbers for them."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 07 December 2009
  • Currently 6.03/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (65)

Raffle prizes!

Bubba & Earl were in the local bar enjoying a beer when the decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle. They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop.

The following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize. Earl won 1st prize, a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce and extra-long spaghetti. Bubba won 6th prize, a toilet brush.

About a week or so had passed when the men met back in the neighborhood bar for a couple of beers. Bubba asked Earl how he liked his prize, to which Earl replied, "Great, I love spaghetti! How about you, how's that toilet brush?"

"Not so good," replied Bubba, "I reckon I'm gonna go back to paper."

#joke #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 11 February 2009
  • Currently 6.27/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (33)

One Line Zingers


  • If Cain and Able were Siamese twins, would they be Cable?

  • Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.

  • The best vitamin for a Christian is B1.

  • "I've taken a vow of poverty. To annoy me, send money.”

  • Warning notice at a seminary swimming pool: “First-year students are only allowed to walk on the shallow end.”

  • "If absence makes the heart grow fonder,” said a minister, “a lot of folks must love our church.”

  • This joke was reprinted from "Laugh Yourself Healthy" by Charles and Frances Hunter, with permission of Strang Communications. Copyright 2008. All rights reserved.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 01 February 2009
  • Currently 5.10/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (42)

After the Office Party

John, woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.

After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.

"Louise," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?"

"Even worse," she said, her voice oozing scorn. "You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonising the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face."

"He's an asshole," John said. "Piss on him."

"You did," came the reply. "And he fired you."

"Well, screw him!" said John.

"I did. You're back at work on Monday.

#joke #christmas #monday
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 20 January 2010
  • Currently 7.55/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (42)

This Wife Is Too Jealous

There was once a wife so jealous that when her husband came home one night and she couldn't find hairs on his jackets she yelled at him, "Great, so now you're cheating on me with a bald woman!"
The next night, when she didn't smell any perfume, she yelled again by saying, "She's not only bald, but she's too cheap to buy any perfume!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 20 January 2010
  • Currently 5.97/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (36)

Texan Farmer Travels

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large".
Then they walk around the ranch a little and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, " We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows".
The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those"?
The Aussie asks with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas"?
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 20 January 2011
  • Currently 7.09/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (32)

I think Cheney is starting to lose...

"I think Cheney is starting to lose it. After he shot the guy he screamed, 'Anyone else want to call domestic wire tapping illegal?'" -- Jay Leno
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 20 January 2009
  • Currently 5.46/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (26)

Tom Segura: Girls in Atlantic City

Every girl either has blonde hair with black streaks or black hair with blonde streaks. Which, either way, says: I dont have a gag reflex.
#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 20 January 2011
  • Currently 3.33/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (21)

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