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Jokes of the day for Monday, 16 April 2012

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 16 April 2012

Really funny jokes-Anything for wife?

"And will there be anything else, sir?" the bellboy asked after setting out an elaborate dinner for two.
"No thank you," the gentleman replied. "That will be all."
As the young man turned to leave, he noticed a beautiful satin negligee on the bed. "Anything for your wife ?" he asked.
"Yeah! That's a good idea," the fellow said. "Please bring up a postcard."
#joke #food #dinner
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 4.89/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (9)

Overheard at the track: “Horse...

Overheard at the track: “Horse racing is very romantic. The horse hugs the rail, the jockey puts his arms around the horse, and you kiss your money good-by.”
#joke #short #animal #horse
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 2.63/10

Rating: 2.6/10 (8)

Maiden Name

Once my divorce was final, I went to the local Department of Motor Vehicles and asked to have my maiden name reinstated on my driver's license.

“Will there be any change of address?” the clerk inquired.

“No,” I replied.

“Oh, good,” she said, clearly delighted. “You got the house.”

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (9)

Funny Photo of the day - Real Beetle

Real Beetle | Source : Jokes photos - Used to be - WTF Pictures and WTF videos - but site no longer exists
  • Currently 4.63/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (8)

Donkey are smart. They have a ...

Donkey are smart. They have a lot of brayin' power.
#joke #short #animal #donkey
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 3.20/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (5)

Tom Papa: No Time for Romance

This is the romantic story of my life; the woman Im going to marry. Romance till the end of time. But then you have kids and pets and in-laws and mortgages and all this other crap. Theres no time for romance. We are now business partners in this awful non-profit organization.
#joke #short #animal #pet
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.71/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (17)

Chuck Norris, who had grown ti...

Chuck Norris, who had grown tired of easy victories in fights, once fought himself to the death and won.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 23 May 2011
  • Currently 2.98/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (60)

At a divorce court a family of...

At a divorce court a family of bears is waiting for the judge to grant custody of little bear.
The judge asks the baby bear; “do you want to live with papa bear?” The baby bear replied; "No he beats me. " The judge asked, so do you want to live with mommy bear! The baby bear said, "No she beats me too." The judge asked, "Then whom do you want to live with?" The baby bear says, "The Chicago bears, they don't beat anyone!"
#joke #animal #bear
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 06 October 2010
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (7)

A married couple were asleep w...

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning, thewife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment andsaid, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here?" and hung up.

The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, someyoung woman wanting to know 'if the coast is clear."

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 08 December 2009
  • Currently 6.04/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (75)

The Perfect Poem...

I have a spelling checker,
It came with my PC;
It plainly marks four my revue,
Mistakes I cannot sea;
I've run this poem threw it,
I'm sure your please to no;
Its letter perfect in it's weigh,
My checker tolled me sew.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 05 May 2009
  • Currently 3.88/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (8)

Buzzzzzz

What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?

A space invader.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 20 February 2009
  • Currently 6.74/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (35)

The only sure things are Death...

The only sure things are Death and Taxes...and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 16 April 2011
  • Currently 2.48/10

Rating: 2.5/10 (54)

Ever since we got married...

Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market."

"Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically," remarked his friend.

"I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 16 April 2011
  • Currently 7.08/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (40)

Ron White: Death Penalty in Texas

In Texas, we have the death penalty and we use it. If you come to Texas and kill somebody, we will kill you back.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 16 April 2009
  • Currently 5.23/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (40)

Remember how...

A couple who'd been married for over 50 years was sitting on the sofa, when the wife said, "Dear, do you remember how you used to sit close to me?"

He moved over and sat close to her.

"Dear," she continued, "do you remember how you used to hold me tight?"

He reached over and held her tight.

"And," she went on, "do you remember how you used to hug me and kiss me and nibble on my ear?"

With that, her husband got up and started to walk out of the room.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"Well," answered the husband, "I have to get my teeth."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 16 April 2009
  • Currently 4.55/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (11)

An old guy in his Volvo is dri...

An old guy in his Volvo is driving home from work when his wife rings him on his car phone.

"Honey", she says in a worried voice, "Be careful! There was a bit on the news just now, some lunatic is driving the wrong way down the freeway".

"It's worse than that!", he replies, "There are hundreds of them!"
#joke #food #honey
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 16 April 2009
  • Currently 7.10/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (10)

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