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Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 22 August 2012

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 22 August 2012

Good jokes-Ethical dilemma

Salim, the sly merchant was teaching his son Suleiman the secrets of his business.
He said, "When you charge a customer $ 50 for a commodity, and he pays you $100 erroneously, you have an ethical dilemma - should you tell your partner?"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
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Rating: 4.0/10 (3)

Q. What did the fish say when ...

Q. What did the fish say when it swam into the wall?

A. Dam!
#joke #short #animal #fish
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (2)

Q. What did the fish say when ...

Q. What did the fish say when it swam into the wall?
A. Dam!
#joke #short #animal #fish
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.17/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (6)

Funny Photo of the day - Crrreepin’

Crrreepin’ | Source : This is Photobomb - Photojackers of the World Unite!
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Bloopers from Sunday School Students

  • In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, the Lord got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
  • Adam & Eve were created from an apple tree.
  • Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.
  • Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

    #joke #short #fruit #apple #food #salt
  • Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
    • Currently 3.38/10

    Rating: 3.4/10 (8)

    Attitude toward whiskey...

    A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey. "If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it.

    But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise."

    #joke #christmas #drinks #whiskey
    Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
    • Currently 3.00/10

    Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

    Bagpipes Vs Javelin

    Q. How is playing the bagpipes like throwing a javelin blindfolded?

    A. You don't have to be very good to get people's attention.

    #joke #short
    Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
    • Currently 5.00/10

    Rating: 5.0/10 (6)

    Growing Tomatoes

    A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. One day, while taking a stroll, she came upon a gentleman neighbor who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes.

    tomatoes and cucumbers

    The woman asked the gentlemen,"What do you do to get your tomatoes so red?" The gentlemen responded, "Well, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden naked in my trench coat and flash them. My tomatoes turn red from blushing so much."
    Well, the woman was so impressed; she decided to try doing the same thing to her tomato garden to see if it would work. So twice a day for two weeks she flashed her garden hoping for the best.
    One day the gentleman was passing by and asked the woman, "By the way, how did you make out? Did your tomatoes turn red?"
    No", she replied, "but my cucumbers are enormous."

    #joke #food #tomato #cucumber
    Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
    • Currently 4.50/10

    Rating: 4.5/10 (2)

    Dana Gould: Whole Approach to Marriage

    My whole approach to marriage is simple: my wife will do something that drives me insane, I wont say anything, and then, later, Ill die of cancer.
    #joke #short
    Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
    • Currently 5.13/10

    Rating: 5.1/10 (8)

    Veterinary Clinic

    Glenn took his dog to the veterinary clinic, and laid its limp body on the table. The doctor pulled out his stethoscope, listened to the dog's chest for a moment, then shook his head sadly. “I'm sorry, but your dog has passed away.”

    “What?” Glenn screamed. “You haven't even done any tests! I want another opinion.”

    The vet left the room and returned in a few moments with a Labrador Retriever. The Retriever sniffed the dog on the table carefully from head to toe. Finally, the Retriever shook it's head and barked once (meaning “dead and gone”).

    The vet took the Labrador away and returned a few minutes later with a cat, which also sniffed carefully over the dog on the table before shaking its head and saying, “Meow” (meaning “he's gone”).

    After the cat jumped off the table, the vet handed Glenn a bill for $600. The man shook the bill at the vet. “$600!!!! Just to tell me my dog is dead?!!! That's outrageous!”

    The vet explained. “If you had taken my word for it, the charge would have been $50, but with the Lab work and the cat scan….”

    Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
    • Currently 5.56/10

    Rating: 5.6/10 (9)

    The quickest way to a man's he...

    The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 19 July 2011
    • Currently 2.18/10

    Rating: 2.2/10 (11)

    A young woman said to her d...

    A young woman said to her doctor, 'You have to help me, I hurt all over.' 'What do you mean?' said the doctor. The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled,'Ow, that hurts.' Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, 'Ouch! That hurts, too.' Then she touched her right earlobe. 'Ow, even THAT hurts.' The doctor asked the woman, 'Are you a natural blonde?' 'Why yes,' she said. 'I thought so,' said the doctor. 'You have a sprained finger.'

    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 25 October 2009
    • Currently 6.49/10

    Rating: 6.5/10 (70)

    When Chuck Norris does a pushu...

    When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 22 August 2011
    • Currently 4.15/10

    Rating: 4.1/10 (48)

    Medical Emergency on the Golf Course

    The husband and wife were playing on the ninth green when

    she collapsed from a heart attack. "Please dear, I need

    help." she said.

    The husband ran off saying "I'll go get some help." A little

    while later he returned, picked up his club and began to line

    up his shot on the green.

    His wife, on the ground, raised up her head and said, "I'm

    may be dying and you're putting?"

    "Don't worry dear. I found a doctor on the second hole who

    said he come and help."

    "The second hole??? When in the hell is he coming???"

    "Hey! I told ya not to worry." he said, practice stroking

    his putt. "Everyone's already agreed to let him play through."

    #joke #doctor #sport #golf
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 22 August 2011
    • Currently 4.39/10

    Rating: 4.4/10 (36)

    Marketing translations

    Cracking an international market is a goal of most growing corporations. It shouldn't be that hard, yet even the big multi-nationals run into trouble because of language and cultural differences. For example, observe the following examples below.

    The name Coca-Cola in China was first rendered as Ke-kou-ke-la. Unfortunately, the Coke company did not discover until after thousands of signs had been printed that the phrase means "bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax" depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 Chinese characters and found a close phonetic equivalent, "ko-kou-ko-le," which can be loosely translated as "happiness in the mouth."

    In Taiwan, the translation of the Pepsi slogan "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" came out as "Pepsi will bring your ancestors back from the dead."

    Also in Chinese, the Kentucky Fried Chicken slogan "finger-lickin' good" came out as "eat your fingers off."

    The American slogan for Salem cigarettes, "Salem - Feeling Free," got translated in the Japanese market into "When smoking Salem, you feel so refreshed that your mind seems to be free and empty."

    When General Motors introduced the Chevy Nova in South America, it was apparently unaware that "no va" means "it won't go." After the company figured out why it wasn't selling any cars, it renamed the car in its Spanish markets to the Caribe.

    When Parker Pen marketed a ballpoint pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to say "It won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you." However, the company mistakenly thought the spanish word "embarazar" meant embarrass. Instead the ads said that "It wont leak in your pocket and make you pregnant."

    An American t-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of the desired "I Saw the Pope" in Spanish, the shirts proclaimed "I Saw the Potato."

    Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious porno magazine.

    In Italy, a campaign for Schweppes Tonic Water translated the name into Schweppes Toilet Water.

    #joke #animal #horse #chicken #food #potato #drinks #coke #cola #pepsi #tonic
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 22 August 2008
    • Currently 5.81/10

    Rating: 5.8/10 (16)


    #joke #short
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 22 August 2008
    • Currently 4.73/10

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    Song Of The Elements

    There's antimony, arsenic, aluminum, selenium,

    And hydrogen and oxygen and nitrogen and rhenium

    And nickel, neodymium, neptunium, germanium,

    And iron, americium, ruthenium, uranium,

    Europium, zirconium, lutetium, vanadium

    And lanthanum and osmium and astatine and radium

    And gold, protactinium and indium and gallium (inhale)

    And iodine and thorium and thulium and thallium.

    There's yttrium, ytterbium, actinium, rubidium

    And boron, gadolinium, niobium, iridium

    And strontium and silicon and silver and samarium,

    And bismuth, bromine, lithium, beryllium and barium.

    There's holmium and helium and hafnium and erbium

    And phosphorous and francium and fluorine and terbium

    And manganese and mercury, molybdinum, magnesium,

    Dysprosium and scandium and cerium and cesium

    And lead, praseodymium, platinum, plutonium,

    Paladium, promethium, potassium, polonium,

    Tantalum, technetium, titanium, tellurium, (inhale)

    And cadmium and calcium and chromium and curium.

    There's sulfur, californium and fermium, berkelium

    And also mendelevium, einsteinium and nobelium

    And argon, krypton, neon, radon, xenon, zinc and rhodium

    And chlorine, cobalt, carbon, copper,

    Tungsten, tin and sodium.

    - Tom Lehrer

    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 22 August 2008
    • Currently 5.60/10

    Rating: 5.6/10 (10)

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