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Jokes of the day for Sunday, 04 November 2012

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 04 November 2012

Flagpole

A group of managers are given an assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So they go out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures, and they're falling off the ladders and dropping the tape measures. The whole thing is just a mess.

An engineer comes along and sees what they're trying to do, walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, gives the measurement to one of the managers and walks away.

Flagpole

After the engineer has gone, one manager turns to another and laughs: "Isn't that just like an engineer? We're looking for the height and he gives us the length!"

#joke
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (3)

Good jokes-Jury and justice

How do you define Jury?
It is a team of twelve individuals trying to figure out which party has the best lawyer.
How do you define Justice?
It can be defined as a decision which favors you.
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

SLIDESHOW #7 - Funny Photo Slideshow

How long...?

When the surgeon came to see Rita on the day after her operation, she asked him somewhat hesitantly just how long it would be before she could resume her sex life.

"Uh, I hadn't really thought about it" replied the stunned surgeon.

"You're the first one ever to ask that after a nose job...."

#joke
  • Currently 5.67/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (6)

Funny video of the day - Top 10 Scare Pranks - 2012 Countdown

Top 10 Scare Pranks - 2012 Countdown - Lot of great scare pranks since last Halloween - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.42/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (12)

Bush and Clinton and Bush

A reporter remarked to George W. Bush: "It must be something, knowing that you put the Bush legacy back into the oval office."

"Thanks to Bill Clinton," replied George. "Bush never left the office."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 2.29/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (7)

Funny Photo of the day - Just another boring day in the office

Just another boring day in the office - Lots of notes to take | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.67/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (3)

A cop pulls a young guy over: ...

A cop pulls a young guy over:
"Hello officer" said the smart aleck kid.
"Young man did you see that stop sign?" asked the cop.
Yup, but I didn't see you!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 5.13/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (8)

Family Bible

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.

“Momma, look what I found,” the boy called out.

“What have you got there, dear?” his mother asked.

With astonishment in the his voice, he answered, “It's Adam's Suit!”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 22 September 2012
  • Currently 4.78/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (40)

Nuns at the Hospital

A man suffered a serious heart attack and had bypass surgery. He awakened to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic hospital.

As he was recovering, a nun asked how he was going to pay the bill. He replied, in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."

The nun asked if he had money in the bank. He replied, "No money in the bank."

The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who could help you?"
He said, "Just a spinster sister, who is a nun."

The nun, slightly perturbed, said, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."

The patient replied, "Then send the bill to my brother-in-law."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 15 November 2011
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (43)

Chuck Norris' tears cure cance...

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 12 September 2011
  • Currently 3.22/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (9)

An old man goes to the Wizard ...

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a "Curse" he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says "maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."
The old man says without hesitation "'I now pronounce you man and wife'".
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 07 January 2010
  • Currently 5.75/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (88)

Being black

It is hard being black.

We get the bad end of the deal with every sport.

Hockey, you're slappin a black puck around.

Pool, you have a white ball trying to knock you in a hole.

The only thing we have is bowling, where you have a black ball trying to knock down ten rednecks.

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by calamjo

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 22 April 2009
  • Currently 4.33/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (12)

A man was walking along a Cali...

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.
The genie said "OK, OK. You released me from the lamp... blah, blah, blah... This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!"
The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"
The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible! Think of the logistics of that. How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific?
Think of how much concrete... how much steel!! No. Think of another wish."
The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women...know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment... to know why they're crying, to know what they really want when they say 'nothing' ... to know how to make them truly happy."
The genie said, "You want that bridge two lanes or four?"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 04 November 2009
  • Currently 6.40/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (67)

Chuck Norris counted to infini...

Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 04 November 2011
  • Currently 2.68/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (47)

Never Trust a Street Gang in Heaven

One day St. Peter saw a street gang walking up to the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter ran to God and said, "God, there are some low-life street gang members at the Gates. What do I do?"
God relied, "Just do what you normally do with that type. Redirect them."
St. Peter went back to carry out the order, but he suddenly came running back and yelling, "God, God, they're gone! They're gone!"
"The street gang?"
"No, the Pearly Gates!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 04 November 2009
  • Currently 6.24/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (42)

Are Blind Pilots Flying?

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way.
The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle. The copilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses.
At first, the passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. After a few minutes though, the engines start revving, and the airplane begins moving down the runway.
The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness. They start whispering among themselves and look desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.
Yet, the plane starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical.
When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once. At the very last moment, the plane lifts off and is airborne.
Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and tells the pilot: "You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we aren't going to know when to take off!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 04 November 2011
  • Currently 6.22/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (36)

Doctor: What's wrong with y...

Doctor: What's wrong with your bother?
Boy: He thinks he is a chicken.
Doctor: really? How long has this been going on?
Boy: Five years.
Doctor: Five years!
Boy: We would have brought him in earlier, but we needed the eggs.
#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 04 November 2009
  • Currently 5.55/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (33)

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