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Jokes of the day for Saturday, 17 November 2012

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 17 November 2012

Pickles Mating With Deer, Mass Hysteria

What do you get when you cross a pickle and a female deer?
A dildo!

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (7)

Really funny jokes-Switching the birthday gift

Mike bought a piano for Jane on her birthday. After a few days, Mike's friend inquired with him how Jane was doing with the piano.
"Well," said Mike, "I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet."
"Why is that?" asked the friend.
Mike answered, "that's because with a clarinet, she cannot sing."
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (2)

SLIDESHOW #15 - Funny Photo Slideshow

The traveling evangelist ...

A traveling evangelist always put on a grand finale at his revival meetings, When he was to preach at a church, he would secretly hire a small boy to sit in the ceiling rafters with a dove in a cage. Toward the end of his sermon, the preacher would shout for the Holy Spirit to come down, and the boy in the rafters would dutifully release the dove.

At one revival meeting, however, nothing happened when the preacher called for the Holy Spirit to desend. He again raised his arms and exclaimed: "Come down, Holy Spirit!"

Still no sign of the dove.

The preacher then heard the anxious voice of a small boy call down from the rafters:

"Sir, a big black cat just ate the Holy Spirit. Shall I throw down the cat?"

#joke
  • Currently 5.67/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (6)

Funny video of the day - Best Fails of the Week 2 November 2012

Best Fails of the Week 2 November 2012 - Lots of funny fails - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Blonde Pulled Over for Speeding

A traffic cop out on patrol for the first time stops a

speeding sports car. Inside is an attractive young blonde

woman. The cop asks for identification and the girl says she

has no identification on her at all. Unsure of what to do

the cop radios for advice.

"Just stick your cock through the window." he is told.

"Are you sure?" he ask.

"Yes, just stick your cock through the window."

So the cop goes back to the car and sticks his cock through

the window.

"Oh no!" says the blonde. "Not another breathalzser test!"

#joke #blonde
  • Currently 2.40/10

Rating: 2.4/10 (5)

Fact or fiction?

Fact or fiction (you make the call):

Wedding rings

1. Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.
2. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin… they can't face each other, but, they still stay together.
3. Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen..
4. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you canbe sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.
5. Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
6. Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something she says. After marriage, he will fall asleep before she finish.
7. Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.
8. They say when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, that is LOVE. After marriage, that is SELF DEFENSE.
9. A wife becomes a “SEX OBJECT” when every time the husband asks for sex she objects!
10. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
11. There are two four-letter words that are offensive to men in marriage : “don't” and “stop”, unless, they are used together (“don't stop”).
12. Marriage is an institution where the man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Master's Degree.
13. In marriage, a man can have words with his wife, but, a woman can have paragraphs with her husband.
14. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.
15. There are 3 stages of SEX in a married life: Tri-weekly, try weekly and try weakly.
16. LOVE is a long sweet dream; MARRIAGE is the alarm clock.
17. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But, when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
18. Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence … a LIFE SENTENCE.

#joke
  • Currently 2.67/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (3)

A 17 year-old Antartican boy w...

A 17 year-old Antartican boy was hired to paint a white line down the middle of the highway. On the first day, he got off to a good start and he painted a white line 7 miles long. The next day, however, he painted a line only 4 miles long. On the third day, he was down to less than a mile. Finally, his friend Max asked him why he was doing less each day. The boy replied, "I guess it takes me longer and longer to get back to the bucket each day."
#joke
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (8)

Family Bible

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.

“Momma, look what I found,” the boy called out.

“What have you got there, dear?” his mother asked.

With astonishment in the his voice, he answered, “It's Adam's Suit!”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 22 September 2012
  • Currently 4.78/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (40)

One reason the Military Servic...

One reason the Military Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don't speak the same language. For example, if you told Navy personnel to "secure a building," they would turn off the lights and lock the doors. The Army would occupy the building so no one could enter. Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat. The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 24 April 2011
  • Currently 3.67/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (9)

Church Bulletin Bloopers: Carpets and Choir Robes

A new loudspeaker system has been installed in the church. It was given by one of our members in honor of his wife.
Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
On the main page of the Internet web site for the Evangelical Lutheran Church in Canada: "In a show of near anonymity, the convention approved full communion with the Anglican Church of Canada."
Father is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.
Announcement: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals."
The agenda was adopted. The minutes were approved. The financial secretary gave a grief report.
Stewardship Offertory: "Jesus Paid It All."
- Joke shared on Beliefnet's Religious Humor page

#joke #friday
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 30 November 2009
  • Currently 3.20/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (10)

Once upon a time there was a n...

Once upon a time there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly decided to fly south. In a short time ice began to form on his wings and he fell to Earth in a barnyard, nearly frozen solid. A cow passed by where he had fallen, and crapped on the little sparrow.The sparrow thought it was the end, but the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings!

Warm and happy, able to breath, he started to sing.

Just then a large cat came by, and hearing the chirping he investigated the sounds. The cat cleared away the manure, found the chirping bird, and promptly ate him.

The Moral of the Story:

Everyone who craps on you is not necessarily your enemy

Everyone who gets you out of crap is not necessarily your friend.

And if you're warm and happy in a pile of crap, you might just want to keep your mouth shut.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 26 October 2009
  • Currently 5.47/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (62)

Three old men were sitting aro...

Three old men were sitting around and talking. The 80 year-old said, "The best thing that could happen to me would just to be able to have a good pee. I stand there for twenty minutes, and it dribbles and hurts. I have to go over and over again."
The 85 year-old said, "The best thing that could happen to me is if I could have one good bowel movement. I take every kind of laxative I can get my hands on and it's still a problem."
Then the 90 year-old said, "That's not my problem. Every morning at 6:00 am sharp, I have a good long pee. At around 6:30 am I have a great bowel movement. The best thing that could happen to me would be if I could wake up before 7:00 am.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 17 November 2009
  • Currently 6.30/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (66)

A lawyer was cross-examining t...

A lawyer was cross-examining the doctor about whether or not he had checked the pulse of the deceased before he signed the death certificate. "No," the doctor said. "I did not check his pulse." "And did you listen for a heartbeat?" asked the lawyer. "No I did not," the doctor said. "So," said the lawyer, "when you signed the death certificate, you had not taken steps to make sure he was dead." The doctor said, "Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was in a jar on my desk but, for all I know, he could be out practicing law somewhere."
#joke #doctor #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 17 November 2009
  • Currently 8.41/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (41)

Chuck Norris recently added "m...

Chuck Norris recently added "moose" to his list of "animals that tried to fight me and lost."
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 17 November 2011
  • Currently 4.12/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (17)

Vince Morris: Pulled Over as a Passenger

Being pulled over is no joke. Its scary, but you know whats even worse? Being a passenger in your friends car when they get pulled over. Thats when you start finding out the things about your best friend you never knew existed. Damn! Damn! This car is not even registered. I got a handgun in the glove box, cocaine under your seat. Im wearing a wig, and weve got a dead body in the trunk.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 17 November 2010
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (17)

Tires And Sex

What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?

--One is a Goodyear and one is a great year

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 17 November 2011
  • Currently 4.10/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (10)

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