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Jokes of the day for Friday, 21 December 2012

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 21 December 2012

Hilarious jokes-Complicated family

Robert and Sam had become friends recently. They were sitting in a coffee shop and trying to get to know each other.
Robert: “Tell me something about your family.”
Sam: “Sure thing. I have two brothers and two sisters. What about you?”
Robert: “No siblings. But I have three moms because of my first dad and three dads because of my first mom.”
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 6.67/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (3)

Chopping more than wood....

A lady is giving a party for her granddaughter, and has gone all out---caterer, band, and a hired clown. Just before the party starts, two guys show up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for them, the woman tells them that they can get a meal if they will chop some firewood. Gratefully, they head to the rear of the house.

Guests arrive, and all is going well with the children having a wonderful time. But the clown has not shown up, and finally, the clown calls to report that he is stuck in traffic, and will probably not make the party at all. The woman is very disappointed and unsuccessfully tries to entertain the children herself.

She happens to look out the window and sees one of the guys doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watches in awe as he swings from tree branches, does midair flips, and leaps high in the air. She calls the other guy over and says, "What your friend is doing is absolutely marvelous. I have never seen such a thing. Do you think your friend would consider repeating this performance for the children at the party? I would pay him $50!"

"Well...," he responds, "I dunno...let me ask him... HEY WILLIE...FOR $50 WOULD YOU CHOP OFF ANOTHER TOE?"

#joke
  • Currently 5.25/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (4)

SLIDESHOW #53 - Funny Photo Slideshow

On the Job

Three women who work in the same office notice that their female boss has started leaving work early every day, so one day they decide that after she leaves, they'll take off early, too. After all, she never calls or comes back, so how is she to know?

The brunette is thrilled to get home early. She does a little gardening, watches a movie and then goes to bed early.

The redhead is elated to be able to get in a quick workout at her health club before meeting a dinner date.

The blonde is also very happy to be home early, but as she goes upstairs she hears noises coming from her bedroom. She quietly opens the door a crack and is mortified to see her husband in bed with HER BOSS! Ever so gently, she closes the door and creeps out of her house.

The next day the brunette and redhead talk about leaving early again, but when they ask the blonde if she wants to leave early also, she exclaims,"NO WAY! I almost got caught yesterday!"

#joke #blonde
  • Currently 2.29/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (7)

Funny video of the day - WIN Compilation 2012 || Winners of the Year || MW

WIN Compilation 2012 || Winners of the Year || MW - Greatest WINS of year 2012 - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 4.80/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (5)

Christmas Blondes

What do you call three blondes at Christmas?

Ho, ho, ho!

#joke #short #blonde #christmas
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 2.13/10

Rating: 2.1/10 (8)

Funny Photo of the day - Amazing thin building

Amazing thin building - It is amazing that someone actually built something like this | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 7.40/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (5)

Post Office

A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"
The clerk says, "What denomination?"


stamp

The woman says, "God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists."

#joke #blonde #christmas
  • Currently 4.83/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (6)

Three men walked in to a bar. ...

Three men walked in to a bar. You'd think one of them would have seen it!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 5.56/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (9)

LIE DETECTOR ROBOT

Dad buys a LIE DETECTOR ROBOT which slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it at dinner.”Son, where were you today?” The son says “at school dad.” Robot slaps the son! “OK, I watched a DVD at my friends house!” “What DVD?” “Toy story.” Robot slaps the son again! “OK, it was a %&%*o”Dad yells “What! When I was your age I didn't know what %&%* was!” Robot then slaps the dad!Mom laughs “HAHAHA! He's certainly YOUR son.” Robot then slaps the mom….

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 4.86/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (14)

Greatest Comedian in the Bible

Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson. He brought the house down.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 15 February 2012
  • Currently 3.82/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (33)

Chuck Norris has a pet kitten ...

Chuck Norris has a pet kitten - every night for a snack.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 31 October 2011
  • Currently 3.09/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (53)

A married couple went to the h...

A married couple went to the hospital together to have their baby delivered.
Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father of the baby. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.
The doctor set the knob to 10 percent for starters, explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine, so he asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.
The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and pulse and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this, they decided to try for 50 percent.
The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, he encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.
The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, the mailman was dead on their porch.
#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 29 November 2009
  • Currently 6.29/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (75)

A professor of chemistry wante...

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms. "Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail. "Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor asked.
Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 21 December 2009
  • Currently 5.80/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (66)

Do you know why Baskin Robbins...

Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Chuck Norris doesn't like Fudge Ripple.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 21 December 2011
  • Currently 2.61/10

Rating: 2.6/10 (44)

Naming Your Child #joke

There was a woman who was pregnant with twins, and shortly before they were due, she had an accident and went into a coma. Her husband was away on business, and unable to be reached. While in the coma, she gave birth to her twins, and the only person around to name her children was her brother.
When the mother came out of her coma to find she had given birth and that her brother had named the twins, she became very worried, because he wasn't a very bright guy. She was sure he had named them something absurd or stupid.
When she saw her brother she asked him about the twins.
He said, "The first one was a girl."
The mother: "What did you name her?!?"
Brother: "Denise!"
The Mom: "Oh, wow, that's not bad! What about the second one?"
Brother: "The second one was a boy."
The Mom: "Oh, and what did you name him?"
Brother: "Denephew."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 21 December 2009
  • Currently 5.82/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (11)

Cruise Control

My family has a tradition of naming the cruise control on our cars. We were used to hearing my father proclaim, “Take it, Max,” as he flipped on the cruise control during long trips in our station wagon.

Recently, I was travelling with my parents in their new car when we hit a wide-open expanse of highway. My dad leaned back and said, “I think I'll let Tom drive for a while.”

“Tom who?” I asked.

My mother translated for me: “Tom Cruise, of course.”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 07 June 2012
  • Currently 5.39/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (41)

Here's Your Phone

After a recent college basketball game, the coach spotted a cell phone lying on the floor. He picked it up and handed it to one of the referees, saying, "Here's your phone."
"What makes you think its mine?" the ref asked.
"Easy," the coach replied. "It says you missed 13 calls!"

#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.50/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (10)

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