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Jokes of the day for Monday, 18 March 2013

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 18 March 2013

Do you know where you were going?

A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.

Cop: Do you know where you were going?

Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad because all the cars were leaving.

#joke #short #blonde #policeman
  • Currently 5.25/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (12)

“Can a physicist read...

“Can a physicist read the periodic table? Isotope so.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 4.75/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (4)

SLIDESHOW #12 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Math Teacher

The night before one exam, two students tied one on, (well, actually, tied two on, one each), and managed to sleep through the final. They realized they were in serious trouble, so they agreed to tell the professor that they had a flat tire on the way to the exam.
``No problem." said the Professor, ``Come by my office at 5 P.M. and I'll give you the exam then."
Feeling pretty clever, the students spent the intervening time getting information on the exam from students who had already taken it, and making sure they knew how to do the problems. Coming to the professor's office that evening, they were told, ``Leave your books in my office, and I'll put you in two separate rooms for the exam." They were both ecstatic to see that the Professor had given them the exact same exam taken by the class that morning. However, there was an additional page tacked on the end, upon which was written, "For 50% of the grade, which tire was flat?"

#joke
  • Currently 5.29/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (7)

Funny video of the day - Karma - don't play with it!

Karma - don't play with it! - He totally deserves it - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (4)

Funny jokes-Does love happen?

Q: Does love just happen or you have to make it happen?
A: If a girl is good looking and going on a bicycle, it just happens. If, on the other hand, she is not beautiful but is driving an expensive luxury car, you have to make it happen.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 3.80/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (5)

Funny Photo of the day - Pampers building

Pampers building - Other dipers are not allowed in this bulding | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 7.00/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (11)

A Spanish teacher was explaini...

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa."
"Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz."

A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.
Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora") because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("el computador") because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time, they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.
#joke
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 3.20/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (5)

Good news and bad news...

A woman phones up her husband at work for a chat.

HIM "I'm sorry dear but I'm up to my neck in work today."

HER "But I've got some good news and some bad news for you dear."

HIM "OK darling, but as I've got no time now, just give me the good news."

HER "Well, the air bag works."

#joke
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (3)

Knock Knock Collection 118


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Llama!
Llama who?
Llama Yankee Doodle Dandy...!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Lloyd!
Lloyd who?
Lloyd a donkey to water but you can't make it drink!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Lodz!
Lodz who?
Lodz of fun!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Lois!
Lois who?
Lois the man on the totem pole!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Louis!
Louis?
Louis'n up!

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.57/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (7)

When Chuck Norris was born, th...

When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
#joke #short #chucknorris #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 18 July 2011
  • Currently 3.38/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (13)

Second Opinion

This guy was climbing a tree when suddenly he slipped. He grabbed at a branch and was hanging in mid air. After an hour, he felt himself getting exhausted and looked up to the heavens and cried out: "God, help me! Please, help me!"
All of a sudden the clouds parted and a voice boomed out from on high. "Let Go!" said the voice.
The guy paused, looked up at heaven once more, and said: "Is there anyone else up there?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 23 May 2009
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Instructions amiss

A man was having marital problems. So he went

to his shrink. The shrink says, "When you get

home, throw down your briefcase, run to her,

embrace her, take off her clothes, and yours,

and make mad passionate love to her."

In two weeks he was back in the shrink's office.

The shrink asked "How did it go?"

He said, "She didn't have anything to say,

but her bridge club got a kick out of it."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 18 March 2011
  • Currently 7.70/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (37)

Confused

What do you call a nun with a sex change?

Tran-sister.

Submitted by Glaci

Edited by Curtis

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 18 March 2012
  • Currently 4.64/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (14)

The Biology Song 02


To the tune of "Send in the Clowns"
So this is it,
A few bases to go,
I've tried and I've tried but the techniques's so slow.
I've poured my gels,
I've run quite a few.
Full of bubbles, they leaked and why I never knew.
But where are the clones?
I've got to have clones,
The end is so near.
Is my broth rich?
Does it look clear?
Contamination is something I always fear.
Are my plaques blue?
They shouldnt be,
No DNA left I'm down on my knees,
So give me some clones?
I've got to have clones,
The end is so near.
I've had bad preps,
There've been quite a few,
Ive tried all brands of PEG, fresh buffers, but nothing would do.
And though they say,
Solutions will keep,
In my hands they last no more than a week.
So send me some clones?
I've got to have clones,
The end is so near.
I've read my gels,
My eyes are quite sore,
There's still sequence missing, of this I am sure.
But there it is!!
Finally done.
I've conquered this fragment and now I have won.
Whats's this I hear?
A voice from the door.
My supervisor wants 10kb more!
So give me some clones,
I've got to have clones,
Or I'll be here all year!
Bill Kalionis

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 18 March 2009
  • Currently 4.14/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (14)

Single,huh?

A guy walks into a supermarket and buys the following:
--------------------
1 bar of soap
1 toothbrush
1 tube of toothpaste
1 loaf of bread
1 pint of milk
1 single serving of cereal
1 single frozen dinner

The checkout girl looks at him, smiles, and says, 'Single,huh?'

The guy smiles sheepishly and replies, 'How'd you guess?'

She says, 'Because you're ugly.'

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 18 March 2009
  • Currently 5.80/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (10)

Female astronauts

Why are there no female astronauts on the moon?

Because it doesn't need cleaning yet.

Submitted by Calamjo

Edited by Tantilazing

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 18 March 2009
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (10)

I am trying to make friends ou...

I am trying to make friends outside ofFacebook while applying the same principles.
therefore, every day I walk down the street and tell passers-by what I have eaten,how I feel at the moment, what I have donethe night before, what I will do later and with whom.
I give them pictures of my family, my dog and ofme gardening, taking things apart in the garage, wateringthe lawn, standing in front of landmarks, driving aroundtown, having lunch and doing what anybody and everybody does everyday.
I also listen to their conversations, give them the "thumbs up"and tell them I like them.
And it works just like Facebook! I already have fourpeople following me:
Two police officers, a private investigator and a psychiatrist.
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

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