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Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 05 June 2013

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 05 June 2013

Last smoke

A prisoner who was given the capital punishment was getting ready to be hanged. A prison official asked him if he would like a last smoke.

The convict replied, "No thank you, I never smoke. I don't want to get lung cancer."
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 3.67/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (3)

“Due to inclement wea...

“Due to inclement weather, the sandwich shop wrapped up early Tuesday night.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 2.60/10

Rating: 2.6/10 (5)

SLIDESHOW #2 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Screwed

A man walks into a bar and sees a good-looking woman sitting on a stool. He walks up to her and says, "Hi there, how's it going?"
She turns to him, looks deep into his eyes and says, "I'll screw anybody, any time, anywhere, your place, my place, it doesn't matter."

Leo's Bar 11-21-08

He says, "No kidding! I'm a lawyer too. What law firm are you with?"

#joke #lawyer #walksintoabar
  • Currently 6.25/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (4)

Funny video of the day - Texting while sitting on the hood of a speeding car

Texting while sitting on the hood of a speeding car - Dangerous and insane on whole new level - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 4.20/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (5)

A bus station is where a bus s...

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops.
Now you know why they call it a workstation!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.80/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (5)

Funny Photo of the day - Pool party

Pool party - People dringing and having fun at the pool | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

Re-run

One fine afternoon at a golf course, two men were just finishing up the front nine when they decided to take a breather in the clubhouse. They went up to the lounge room and sat down and ordered a glass of beer. They started flipping thru the channels when they decided to watch the news. The first thing that was on was a woman about to comit suicide.

The first man says, "I bet you 100 dollars that she is gonna jump."

The second man, says, "OK, but I raise your 100 to 200 dollars saying she is not going to jump."

About four seconds after they were done making the bet, she leapt off the building, falling 17 stories, she hit the ground with a bone crunching sound.

As the loser of the bet started to get his wallet out of his back pocket the other man butted in to stop him.

"Listen, I can't take your money, I saw this earlier today and I knew she was gonna jump."

"So did I," the man said, I just didn't think she was dumb enough to do it again."

#joke #beer
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (4)

Why are blonde jokes so short?

Q: Why are blonde jokes so short?

A: So brunettes can remember them!

#joke #short #blonde
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (7)

Ronald McDonald in a N*dist Colony

Q: How do you find Ronald McDonald in a n*dist colony?
A: Look for sesame seed buns.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.94/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (52)

Who takes care of the farm ...

Q. Who takes care of the farm when the farmer is sick?
A. The pharmacist!
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 18 October 2012
  • Currently 4.30/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (10)

Greatest Comedian in the Bible

Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson. He brought the house down.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 15 February 2012
  • Currently 3.82/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (33)

Since 1940, the year Chuck Nor...

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 22 September 2011
  • Currently 3.33/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (15)

Lightbulb Joke Collection 37


Q: How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to roll it, and one to light it up.
Q: How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb ?
A: 50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him.
Q: How many Klingons does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two, one to screw in the bulb and another to shoot him and take the credit.
Q: How many Vulcans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: "Approximately 1.00000000000000000000000"
Q: How many alt.fan.star-trek readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Illogical. We don't have such dated devices anymore.
Q: How many Borg will it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they just assimilate the bulb.
Q: How many Borg will it take to change a light bulb?
A: All of them.
Q: How many Daleks does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Daleks don't change light bulbs, they level the building.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 17 July 2009
  • Currently 4.75/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (4)

Funny Quotes from Gore

"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."

-- Vice President Al Gore, 9/22/97


"For NASA, space is still a high priority."

-- Vice President Al Gore, 9/5/93


"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children."

-- Vice President Al Gore


"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century."

-- Vice President Al Gore, 9/15/95


"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."

-- Vice President Al Gore


"[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system."

-- Vice President Al Gore


"We're all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not have made."

-- Vice President Al Gore


"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change."

-- Vice President Al Gore, 5/22/98


"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president, and that one word is 'to be prepared.'"

-- Vice President Al Gore, 12/6/93


"Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things."

-- Vice President Al Gore, 11/30/96


"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future."

-- Vice President Al Gore


"The future will be better tomorrow."

-- Vice President Al Gore


"We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world."

-- Vice President Al Gore, 9/21/97


"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."

-- Vice President Al Gore to Sam Donaldson, 8/17/93


"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a *part* of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a *part* of Europe."

-- Vice President Al Gore

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 05 June 2012
  • Currently 5.75/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (53)

The Advil Commandments

So Moses is up on Mount Sinai and he says to God, "God, do I have a pounding headache!"
And God says, "Here, take these two tablets."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 05 June 2011
  • Currently 6.59/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (51)

Contrary to popular belief the...

Contrary to popular belief the Lottery numbers are not random. They are just the number of people Chuck Norris killed that given day.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 05 June 2011
  • Currently 3.10/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (51)

William Wilson: Hot Brick Church

We just had an old brick church. Its like a barbeque pit, just hot -- HOT. Everybody in theres fanning. Old ladies got them old funeral parlor fans, they just fanning. Im sweating. And the preacher, If you dont straighten out, youre going to hell! Im like, Well, what is this? Practice?
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 05 June 2011
  • Currently 5.70/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (20)

teeth

If your toddler has more teeth than you, you might just be a redneck.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 05 June 2011
  • Currently 3.79/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (14)

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