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Jokes of the day for Saturday, 03 August 2013

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 03 August 2013

Philosophical question

My friend, Zane is a philosopher. I have always thought philosophers like Zane truly appreciate the profound nature of life's deep questions. As a result, people like Zane are still struggling with the same questions that have been asked for centuries. Thus, they are the objects of ridicule on the part of scientists, who have less patience with such lack of progress.
For example, Zane asked me the other day, "If a tree falls in a forest, and there is no one around to hear, does it make a sound?"
This question has been posed by philosophers since ages, and there is still no philosphical consensus as to what the answer should be.
But when a scientist is asked the same question, he'll go off for short while, apply for a grant or two, and come back saying, "Well, we've solved it for elm and birch, but we're still working on the general case"!
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (4)

Caskets

Q: What did one casket say to the sick casket?
A: Is that you coughin'?

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.75/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (4)

SLIDESHOW #85 - Funny Photo Slideshow

What would you like to hear?

3 buddies die in a car crash, they go to an orientation in Heaven.

They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"

The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."

The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."

The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say, 'LOOK! HE'S MOVING!!'"

#joke #doctor
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (7)

Funny video of the day - Meanwhile, In China ...

Meanwhile, In China ... - Police officers discover that catching piglets is a much more difficult task than anyone could have ever imagined - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (2)

New Jersey Crazy Law


  • It is against the law for a man to knit during the fishing season.
  • You may not slurp your soup.
  • If you have been convicted of driving while intoxicated, you may never again apply for personalized license plates.
  • It is against the law to "frown" at a police officer.
  • On a highway you can not park under a bridge.
  • Car dealerships are forbidden from opening on Sunday.
  • You cannot pump your own gas. All gas stations are full service and full service only.
  • Automobiles are not to pass horse drawn carriages on the street.
  • It is illegal to delay or detain a homing pigeon.

    Bernards Township


  • It is illegal to frown as the town is a "Frown-Free Town Zone".

    Caldwell


  • You may not dance or wear shorts on the main avenue.

    Cranford


  • Citizens are not permitted to park their own boat on their lawn.

    Cresskill


  • All cats must wear three bells to warn birds of their whereabouts.

    Elizabeth


  • It is forbidden for a woman, on a Sunday, to walk down Broad Street without wearing a petticoat.

    Manville


  • It is illegal to offer whiskey or cigarettes to animals a the local zoo.

    Newark


  • It is illegal to sell ice cream after 6pm, unless the customer has a note from his doctor.

    Ocean City


  • Pinball machines are not to be played on Sunday.
  • People may not slurp their soup.
  • Raw hamburger may not be sold.

    Raritan


  • Profanity is prohibited.

    Sea Isle City


  • There will be no boiling of bones on the property.

    Trenton


  • Pickles are not to be consumed on Sundays.
  • You may not throw a bad pickle in the street.

    #joke #doctor
  • Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
    • Currently 7.00/10

    Rating: 7.0/10 (10)

    “Did you hear about t...

    “Did you hear about the crime that happened in a parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.”

    #joke #short
    • Currently 5.00/10

    Rating: 5.0/10 (8)

    Burglar's secret

    A man walks into a police station and asks to speak to the burglar who broke into his house the night before.

    "I'm sorry sir, but you'll get your chance in court,” says the duty officer.

    scene of the crime

    “No, you don't understand,” says the man. “I want to know how he got in the house without waking the wife. I've been trying to do that for years.”

    #joke
    • Currently 4.30/10

    Rating: 4.3/10 (10)

    Fighting for Virgini

    The guy walked into the bar (ouch) looking like he'd been run over by a truck. His hair was matted, his face bloody and scratched, his clothes torn. His friends bought him a beer, then asked, "What happened?"

    The guy chugged the beer and said, "I was fighting for Joanne's virginity."

    "No kidding?"

    "Yeah. But that little tiger was determined to keep it."

    #joke #beer
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 09 October 2012
    • Currently 4.08/10

    Rating: 4.1/10 (13)

    Jupiter's Great Red Spot isn't...

    Jupiter's Great Red Spot isn't a storm. It's where Chuck Norris puts his victims.
    #joke #short #chucknorris
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 20 August 2011
    • Currently 3.65/10

    Rating: 3.7/10 (52)

    Donald Glover: Serious Black Candidate

    When he was coming up, people were like, We have a serious black candidate for president. This is crazy. We have a serious black candidate. And then when he won, they were like, Our first multi-racial president. And I was like, Thats not fair. I mean, lets set the record straight. If you went outside tonight after this show and Barack Obama was stealing your car, you wouldnt yell, Hey, someone stop that mixed guy!
    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 03 August 2010
    • Currently 4.69/10

    Rating: 4.7/10 (58)

    Pee in Church

    A mother took her little boy to church.

    While in church the little boy said, "Mommy, I have to pee."

    The mother said to the little boy, "It's not appropriate to say the word 'pee' in church. So, from now on whenever you have to 'pee' just tell me that you have to 'whisper'."

    The following Sunday, the little boy went to church with his father and during the service said to his father, "Daddy, I have to whisper."

    The father looked at him and said, "Okay, why don't you whisper in my ear."

    Submitted by Calamjo

    Edited by Yisman

    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 03 August 2011
    • Currently 4.70/10

    Rating: 4.7/10 (46)

    Lost at Sea?

    Yossi and Janine, an elderly Jewish couple, are sitting together on an aeroplane flying to the Far East. Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning, and this plane will be going down in a few minutes time. The good news is that I can see an island below us that should be able to accommodate our landing. The bad news is that this island appears to be uncharted - I am unable to find it on our maps. So the odds are that we will never be rescued and will have to live on the island for a very long time, if not for the rest of our lives."Yossi turns to Janine and asks, "Janine, dear, did we turn off the oven?" and Janine replies, "Of course."
    "Janine, are our life insurance policies paid up?"
    "Of course."
    "Janine, did we pay our pledge for the synagogue appeal?"
    "Oh my God, I forgot to send off the cheque."
    "Thank Heaven! They'll find us for sure!"

    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 03 August 2009
    • Currently 6.37/10

    Rating: 6.4/10 (43)

    Number Jokes

    A man is sent to prison for the first time. At night, the lights in the cell block are turned off, and his cellmate goes over to the bars and yells, "Number twelve!" The whole cell block breaks out laughing. A few minutes later, somebody else in the cell block yells, "Number four!" Again, the whole cell block breaks out laughing.

    The new guy asks his cellmate what's going on. "Well," says the older prisoner, "we've all been in this here prison for so long, we all know the same jokes. So we just yell out the number instead of saying the whole joke."

    So the new guy walks up to the bars and yells, "Number twenty-nine!" This time the whole cell block rocks with the loudest laughter, prisoners rolling on the floor laughing hysterically.

    When the guffaws die down, the bewildered new guy turns to the older prisoner and asks, "How come you guys were laughing so hard this time?"

    "Oh," says the older man wiping tears from his eyes, "we'd never heard that one before."

    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 03 August 2012
    • Currently 5.66/10

    Rating: 5.7/10 (41)

    1-iron

    What should you do if your round of golf is interrupted by a lightning storm?

    Walk around holding your 1-iron above your head, because even God can't hit a 1-iron!

    Submitted by Calamjo

    Edited by Tantilazing

    #joke #short
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 03 August 2010
    • Currently 3.44/10

    Rating: 3.4/10 (25)

    The Gift

    On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher. The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers. The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy. Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box. The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit. She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it.
    "Is it wine?" she guessed.
    "No," the boy replied. She tasted another drop and asked, " Champagne ?
    "No," said the little boy... "It's a puppy!"

    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 29 August 2012
    • Currently 6.47/10

    Rating: 6.5/10 (45)

    Two robins were sitting in a t...

    Two robins were sitting in a tree.
    "I'm really hungry," said the first one. "Let's fly down and find some lunch."
    They flew down to the ground and found a nice plot of newly plowed ground that was full of worms. They ate and ate and ate till they could eat no more.
    "I'm so full, I don't think I can fly back up into the tree," said the first one.
    "Let's just lay back here and bask in the warm sun," said the second.
    "O K," said the first.
    So they plopped down, basking in the sun. No sooner than they had fallen asleep, when a big fat tomcat came up and gobbled them up.
    As the cat sat washing his face after his meal, he thought...
    "I JUST LOVE BASKIN ROBINS."
    #joke
    Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
    • Currently 6.44/10

    Rating: 6.4/10 (9)

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