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Jokes of the day for Saturday, 17 August 2013

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 17 August 2013

One line jokes-Economist

An economist is a person who doesn't know what he's talking about - and make you feel guilty about it.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (3)

General Amalgamated Industries...

General Amalgamated Industries, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. He asked the guy, "How much money do you make a week?" A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make $400 a week. Why?" The CEO said, "Wait right here."
He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, "Here's four weeks' pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back." Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?"

From across the room a voice said, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."
#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

SLIDESHOW #8 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Geek Booty Call... Droid

Are you the droid I'm looking for?

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.14/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (7)

Funny video of the day - Extraordinary Enclosed Beach in Puerto Rico

Extraordinary Enclosed Beach in Puerto Rico - When rocks get hit by massive waves you get a spectacular sight… - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 4.17/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (6)

You gotta have faith...

A couple of nuns who were nursing sisters had gone out to the country to minister to an outpatient. On the way back they were a few miles from home when they ran out of gas. They were standing beside their car on the shoulder when a truck approached.

Seeing ladies of the cloth in distress, the driver stopped to offer his help. The nuns explained they needed some gas. The driver of the truck said he would gladly drain some from his tank but he didnt have a bucket or can.

One of the nuns dug out a clean bedpan and asked the driver if he could use it. He said yes and proceeded to drain a couple of quarts of gas into the pan. He waved goodbye to the nuns and left.The nuns were carefully pouring the precious fluid into their gas tank when the highway patrol came by.

The trooper stopped and watched for a minute, then he said: "Sisters, I dont think it will work, but you sure have faith!"

#joke
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Funny Photo of the day - Lizard tape

Lizard tape - Office supplies can look cool | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (6)

Montana Crazy Law


  • It is illegal to have a sheep in the cab of your truck without a chaperone.
  • It is a felony for a wife to open her husband's mail.
  • Seven or more indians are considered a raiding or war party and it is legal to shoot them. (Repealed)
  • It is a misdemeanor to show movies that depict acts of felonious crime.
  • In Montana, it is illegal for married women to go fishing alone on Sundays, and illegal for unmarried women to fish alone at all.

    Excelsior Springs


  • Balls may not be thrown within the city limits.

    Helena


  • No item may be thrown across a street.

    Salisbury


  • Pop bottles are not to be thrown on the ground.

    Whitehall


  • It is illegal to operate a vehicle with ice picks attached to the wheels.

    #joke
  • Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
    • Currently 3.00/10

    Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

    boob suckin gal

    One day i came home from work, when i got through gate my dog came up to me and was filled with excitment.then started to hump my leg.there was a red thing that shot out and it was down below near theese two round things.the next day i went to the vet and asked what that red thing was,the doctor said "thats his weiner" he replied.then my dog started humpin the vets arm and this thing was flopin up and down like crazy.

    #joke #doctor
    • Currently 2.33/10

    Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

    “The defendant in a c...

    “The defendant in a coffee theft trial refused to testify on the grounds that could incriminate him.”

    #joke #short
    • Currently 3.89/10

    Rating: 3.9/10 (9)

    Sizing up the opportunity

    A man walks into a bar with a monkey in tow. The man sits down at the bar and orders a beer. The bartender hands him a beer and watches the man's monkey run around along the bar.

    The monkey grabs a peanut and swallows it whole, then grabs a slice a lime and swallows that whole.

    Finally, the monkey jumps onto a pool table, grabs the cue ball and manages to shove it in his mouth then swallow it whole as well. The bartender asks the man, "You see what your monkey's done?"

    The man looks up from his beer and says, "No...what's he done now?" The bartender tells the man and the man apologizes, pays for the damage done and leaves with his monkey.

    The bartender doesn't see the man at the bar for a month, but the man does return with the same monkey in tow.

    The man asks for a beer, and the bartender obliges. The monkey proceeds to jump up on the bar, grabs a cherry, shoves it up his butt then takes it out and swallows it whole.

    The bartender says to the man, "You see what your monkey's done?!"

    The man looks up from his beer and says, "No...what's he done now?" The bartender tells him.

    MONKEY

    The man replies, "Yeah, he does that now...After the cue ball he checks to make sure he can get it out before he swallows it."

    #joke #walksintoabar #beer
    • Currently 2.00/10

    Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

    A grasshopper walks into a bar...

    A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, 'Hey, we have a drink named after you!'

    The grasshopper looks surprised and says, 'You have a drink named Steve?'
    #joke #short #walksintoabar
    Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
    • Currently 5.27/10

    Rating: 5.3/10 (102)

    If you woke up this morning, i...

    If you woke up this morning, it means Chuck Norris spared your life.
    #joke #short #chucknorris
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 15 January 2013
    • Currently 6.50/10

    Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

    Why did President Truman drop ...

    Why did President Truman drop the first atomic bomb? Because he thought it would be more humane than sending in Chuck Norris.
    #joke #short #chucknorris
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 17 August 2011
    • Currently 2.70/10

    Rating: 2.7/10 (63)

    Cabbie

    One dismal rainy night in Sydney a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley. Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the cab and slammed the door.

    Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet, naked woman sitting in the back seat.

    'Where to?' he stammered.

    'Kings Cross,' answered the woman.

    'You got it,' he said, taking another long glance in the mirror.

    The woman caught him staring at her and asked, 'Just what the hell are you looking at, driver?'

    'Well, madam,' he answered, 'I was just wondering how you'll pay your fare.'

    The woman spread her legs, put her feet up on the front seat, smiled at the driver and said,

    'Does this answer your question?'

    Still looking in the mirror, the cabbie asked, 'Got anything smaller?'

    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 17 August 2010
    • Currently 5.78/10

    Rating: 5.8/10 (40)

    Honey, What Did the Doctor Say?

    A middle aged man goes into the doctor's office for a check-up with a litany of complaints.
    The doctor speaks to the man's wife alone and says, "There is nothing the matter with your husband. If you make a couple of meals for him a day, let him watch his sports. Do not complain at him too much and require him to listen. Limit his exposure to in-laws and make love to him once a week. Then, he'll probably live another 20 years."
    She returns to her husband's side in the waiting room. He asks, "What did the doctor tell you?"
    "You are going to be dying soon, my dear."
    #joke #doctor
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 17 August 2009
    • Currently 6.18/10

    Rating: 6.2/10 (39)

    Felipe Esparza: Not a Threesome Body

    I could never have a threesome. This is not a threesome body. This is a turn off the lights body, leave your shirt on body -- this is a tell nobody.
    #joke #short
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 17 August 2010
    • Currently 4.50/10

    Rating: 4.5/10 (36)

    Quiet wife

    A man's wife is sitting in the backseat while he's driving.

    A cop pulls him over and says: Your wife fell out of the car about a mile back.

    The man says: Thanks, I thought I'd gone deaf.

    Author:gagga_hai

    #joke
    Joke | Source: Reddit Jokes: Get Your Funny On! - The funniest sub on reddit. Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of them aren't even reposts!
    • Currently 8.75/10

    Rating: 8.8/10 (4)

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