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Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 04 December 2013

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 04 December 2013

The vet...

There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself through veterinary school working nights as a taxidermist.

Upon graduation, he decided he could combine his two vocations to better serve the needs of his patients and their owners, while doubling his practice and, therefore, his income.

He opened his own offices with a shingle on the door saying, "Dr. Jones, Veterinary Medicine and Taxidermy -- Either way, you get your dog back!"

Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 2.82/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (11)

Really funny jokes-Women and gossip

Rita noticed that her friend, Julie, who was standing at a distance, was having a conversation with another friend. Judging by their gestures, Rita suspected that the conversation involved a secret.

When the other woman left, Rita walked up to Julie ans asked "What did she tell you?"

"Now you know I never repeat gossip," said Julie.

"All right," Rita sighed.

Immediately, Julie whispered, "So listen carefully the first time!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 2.29/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (7)

“The geologist went t...

“The geologist went to the doctor because he had a loss of apatite.”

Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 4.20/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (10)

Funny Photo of the day - Jack Daniel's christmas tree

Jack Daniel's christmas tree - Don't drink it all at christmas eve! | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 4.73/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (11)

Final Exam

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 5.60/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (10)

A guy is reading his paper whe...

A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.
He asks, "What was that for?"
She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with 'Betty Sue' written on it."
He says, "Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? 'Betty Sue' was the name of the horse I went there to bet on." She shrugs and walks away. Three days later he's reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan.
He asks, "What was that for?"
She answers, "Your horse called."
#joke #animal #horse #food #honey
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.13/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (8)

How to Have a Perfect Pastor

A recent survey has compiled all the qualities that people expect from the perfect pastor:
Results of a computerized survey indicated that the perfect pastor preaches exactly 12 minutes.
He frequently condemns sin but never upsets anyone.

He works from 8 a.m. until midnight and is also a janitor.
He makes $60 a week, wears good clothes, buys good books, drives a good car, and gives about $80 a week to the poor.
He is 28 years of age, but he's been preaching for 30 years.He is wonderfully gentle and handsome.
He gives himself completely but never gets too close to anyone to avoid criticism.
He speaks boldly on social issues, but must never become politically involved.
He has a burning desire to work with teenagers, but he spends all his time with senior citizens.
He makes 15 daily calls to parish families, visits shut-ins and the hospitalized, spends all his time evangelizing the unchurched, and is always in his office when needed.

#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 2.83/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (6)

Pimple Head

Lewis has a big pimple in the middle of his forehead. A big, huge pimple, and it won't go away. So he goes to the doctor.

The doctor examines him and says, "Oh my! You've got a penis growing out of the middle of your forehead!"

Lewis says, "Oh, no, Doc! What can you do?"

The doctor says, "Don't worry. Once it's fully grown, we can remove it completely."

Lewis says, "What do you mean, FULLY GROWN?! Doc, I can't spend years and years staring at that thing, waiting for it to grow!"

The doctor says, "Well, you won't have to stare at it for long. Pretty soon, the balls will cover your eyes."

#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (8)

Laughter is the Best Medicine

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine.

I guess that was why several of us died of tuberculosis.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (7)

Saddam Hussein was not found h...

Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 14 June 2011
  • Currently 2.34/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (67)

Televised Operations

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
As public television viewers in 12 cities sat glued to their sets while doctors in Philadelphia reconstructed 15-month-old Michele Miller's skull during a two-hour operation broadcast live, the girl's parents, Lynn and Paul Miller of Princeton, N.J., opted to watch "The Wizard of Oz" instead.
#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 25 January 2011
  • Currently 2.56/10

Rating: 2.6/10 (36)

One day an engineer dies.He wa...

One day an engineer dies.He was kind that built lots of things, like air conditioners.When he went to heaven he met God. God says "Go to hell, you're not on my list."
So after going 30,255,391 stairs to hell, he lets the devil know who he is and so the devil says "Hey, come on in!"
In hell the engineer built airplanes, buildings, cars, etc. God sees this and says "Hey devil, you know that engineer guy. He needs to come back to heaven."
The devil says "Are you crazy, I'm not gonna let you have him." To which God says "If you dont let me have him, I'll sue."
Devil says "You can't sue! You dont even have lawyers up there!"
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 04 December 2009
  • Currently 4.79/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (82)

Chuck Norris doesn't read book...

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 04 December 2011
  • Currently 3.15/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (53)

In Wales, after a road acciden...

In Wales, after a road accident, police instruct motorists to drive Caerphilly.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 04 December 2009
  • Currently 3.81/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (47)

A prisoner in jail receives a ...

A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"

The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter: "Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money."

A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, You wouldn't believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up all the back garden."

The prisoner wrote another letter back: "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 04 December 2011
  • Currently 8.02/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (43)

Colin Quinn: New Yorkers Take a Compliment

You can always tell who was raised in New York by how they take a compliment when theyre an adult. Nice haircut. Screw you. Whats wrong with it?
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 04 December 2011
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (30)

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