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Jokes of the day for Saturday, 14 December 2013

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 14 December 2013

Hilarious jokes-Market broker

I'm thinking of leaving my husband, complained Amy, my yoga batch mate and the wife of a stock market broker. "All he ever does is stand at the end of the bed and tell me how good things are going to be."
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 3.33/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (6)

Any little ones yet?

Mrs. O'Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin, and coming in the opposite direction was Father O'Rafferty.

"Hello," said the Father, "And how is Mrs. O'Donovan, didn't I marry you two years ago?"

"You did that, Father."

"And are there any little ones yet?"

"No, not yet, Father." Said she.

"Well now, I'm going to Rome next week, and I'll light a candle for you."

"Thank-you, Father." And away she went.

A few years later they met again.

"Well now, Mrs. O'Donovan," said the Father, "how are you?"

"Oh, very well," said she.

"And tell me," he said, "have you any little ones yet?"

"Oh yes, Father. I've had three sets of twins, and four singles - ten in all."

"Now isn't that wonderful," he said "And how is your lovely husband?"

"Oh," she said, "he's over in Rome to blow that bloody \candle out!"

#joke
  • Currently 4.13/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (8)

SLIDESHOW #131 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Walk Out Of Church

"I hope you didn't take it personally, Reverend," an embarassed woman said after a church service, "when my husband walked out during your sermon."

"I did find it rather disconcerting," the preacher replied.

"It's not a reflection on you, sir," insisted the church goer. "Ralph has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a child."

#joke
  • Currently 4.63/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (8)

“My skiing skills are...

“My skiing skills are really going downhill.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 4.82/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (11)

What Is One Billion?


According to a recent government publication ...
A billion seconds ago Harry Truman was president.
A billion minutes ago was just after the time of Christ.
A billion hours ago man had not yet walked on earth.
A billion dollars ago was late yesterday at the U.S. Treasury.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 03 April 2013
  • Currently 3.42/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (12)

Eating Out

This married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife looks over at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken stupor.
The husband asks "I notice you've been watching that man for some time now. Do you know him?"
"Yes" she replies. "He's my ex-husband and has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago."

Rome visit, June 2008 - 81

"That's remarkable" the husband replies. "I wouldn't think anybody could celebrate that long."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 29 January 2013
  • Currently 3.70/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (10)

Chuck Norris can make snow ang...

Chuck Norris can make snow angels on a concrete slab.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 23 November 2011
  • Currently 3.25/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (44)

One man said to the other...

One man said to the other, "You know, there are really only three kinds of people in the world: those who can count, and those who can't.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 29 November 2010
  • Currently 8.16/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (43)

Interpreting the Commandments

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to 'honor thy father and thy mother' she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shalt not kill."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 28 February 2009
  • Currently 4.09/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (23)

It's wise to remember how easi...

It's wise to remember how easily this wonderful technology canbe misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences.
Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filledstreets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on abusiness trip and was planning to meet him there the next day.When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife aquicke-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he hadwritten her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in frommemory.
Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directedinstead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passedaway only the day before. When the grieving widow checked here-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercingscream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this noteon the screen:
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrivaltomorrow.
PS. Sure is hot down here.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 14 December 2009
  • Currently 5.11/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (66)

sdfgdf

dfgsdfg

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 14 December 2011
  • Currently 3.35/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (52)

One day The Lord came to Adam ...

One day The Lord came to Adam to pass on some news. "I've got some good news and some bad news," The Lord said.

Adam looked at The Lord and said, "Well, give me the good news first."

Smiling, The Lord explained, "I've got two new organs for you. One is called a brain. It will allow you to create new things, solve problems, and have intelligent conversations with Eve. The other organ I have for you is called a penis. It will give you great physical pleasure and allow you to reproduce your now intelligent life form and populate this planet. Eve will be very happy that you now have this organ to give her children."

Adam, very excited, exclaimed, "These are great gifts you have given to me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?"

The Lord looked upon Adam and said with great sorrow, "You will never be able to use these two gifts at the same time."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 14 December 2010
  • Currently 8.09/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (46)

Godzilla is a Japanese renditi...

Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 14 December 2011
  • Currently 3.86/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (36)

International Kissing Day Jokes

July 6th is International Kissing Day! Find out some jokes about it!

Do you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping beside you and be glad that you're alive?
Apparently, I did and won’t be allowed on Hawaiian Airlines again...

Why was the computer cold?
It left its Windows open! (It's not related to kissing but it's hard to tell a joke about kissing that isn't a pun!);

He said he would kiss me or die in the attempt.
Well?
He has no life-insurance, and I pitied his poor old mother.

The problem with kissing a perfect 10
… is how cold the mirror feels on your lips

#joke #short #KissingDay #InternationalKissingDay
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

Identify The Problem

A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but was not getting many.
Then, he discovered the problem; a 10 year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign which read, "SPEED TRAP AHEAD".
The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign painted "TIPS" and a bucket of change.
#joke #policeman
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 7.70/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (10)

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