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Jokes of the day for Friday, 07 March 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 07 March 2014

“When you purchase st...

“When you purchase stuff south of the border, you don't Peso much.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (16)

Baby ghost

When the Mother ghost had to take the Baby ghost out for a walk in the garden, she said : Put your boos and shocks on!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 5.20/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (5)

SLIDESHOW #44 - Funny Photo Slideshow

A little help please...

A little boy was afraid of the dark. One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom.

The little boy turned to his mother and said, "Mama, I don't want to go out there. It's dark."

The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. "You don't have to be afraid of the dark," she explained. "Jesus is out there. He'll look after you and protect you."

The little boy looked at his mother real hard and asked, "Are you sure he's out there?"

"Yes, I'm sure. He is everywhere, and he is always ready to help you when you need him," she said.

The little boy thought about that for a minute and then went to the back door and cracked it a little. Peering out into the darkness, he called, "Jesus? If you're out there, would you please hand me the broom?"

#joke
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (6)

Funny video of the day - Funny Animals Compilation 2014 - Gifs With Sound

Funny Animals Compilation 2014 - Gifs With Sound - Funny animals doing funny stuff - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 6.30/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (10)

Knock Knock Collection 082


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Hardy!
Hardy who?
Hardy ha ha!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Harlow!
Harlow who?
Harlow will you go!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Harmon!
Harmon who?
Harmon on your side!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Harold!
Harold who?
Harold are you!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Harriet!
Harriet who?
Harriet it up!

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.83/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (6)

Funny Photo of the day - When one patch is not enough ...

When one patch is not enough ... - But there are at least one too many | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (11)

cross examination

A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial - it went like this:

Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?

A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.

Q. Officer, who provided this description?

A. The officer who responded to the scene.

Q. A fellow officer provided the description of this so- called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?

A. Yes sir, with my life.

Q. With your life? Let me ask you this then officer - do you have a locker room in the police station - a room where you change your clothes in preparation for you daily duties?

A. Yes sir, we do.

Q. And do you have a locker in that room?

A. Yes sir, I do.

Q. And do you have a lock on your locker?

A. Yes sir.

Q. Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those same officers?

A. You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.

With that, the courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called.

#joke #lawyer
  • Currently 3.67/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (6)

Short Blonde Jokes

Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?

A: So brunettes can remember them.

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.09/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (11)

The Hat

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tightly so that it would not blow off in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"
"Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat."
"But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.

HAT & SCARF

The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 23 January 2013
  • Currently 4.90/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (10)

Chuck Norris once broke the la...

Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 24 November 2011
  • Currently 3.37/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (49)

Poorest Preacher

After the church service a little boy told the pastor, "When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money."
"Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "but why?"
"Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever had."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 07 March 2011
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (10)

B.J. Novak: Learned Nothing in College

I learned nothing in college. It was really kind of my own fault. I had a double major: psychology and reverse psychology.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 07 March 2012
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (46)

Dumber Child

There were these two professors arguing over which one had the dumber child. Each professor thought his was the bigger idiot. The first professor yells “There is no way that your son is dumber. My son has to be THE stupidest kid on Earth.”

The second professor says “No way, Jose. My son is the bigger idiot.”

The first professor says “Let me prove it to you. Hey Jake! (Jake runs to his father) I don't know if I left myself at the office or not. Would you run there and find out. If I'm there then tell me to come home and eat dinner.”

The son says, gleefully, “Sure dad” and runs off.

The second professor not to be outdone says “Oh Yea! Watch this! Hey Sam! Come here! (Sam runs to his father) Here are two pennies. With one penny buy a car and the other buy a microwave.”

Sam says “OK.” and leaves. The professors keep arguing.

Jay and Sam meet in the street. And they start arguing which one has the dumber father. Jay says, “Well listen. My father told me to find out if he is at the office or not. Well all he had to do was to call the office and find out himself. Two minutes and he would be done. That is stupid if I've ever heard it.”

Sam says “Well that is nothing. My dad told me to buy a car with one penny and a microwave with the other. But he didn't tell me which penny was for the car and which one is for the microwave.”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 07 March 2012
  • Currently 4.86/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (36)

Blonde at the hospti

A blonde went to the hospital because her body hurt. She told the doctor that where ever she touched herself it would hurt. The doctor told her to demonstrate. She touched her elbow and it hurt. She touched her callf and it hurt. The doctor asked her if she was a blonde and she said yes.

"Thats why!!!!!!!!" "Your finger is broken!"

#joke #blonde #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 07 March 2013
  • Currently 6.91/10

Rating: 6.9/10 (32)

Answering Machine Message 252


A bubble in the space-time continuum has connected your line to a channeler in the 23rd century. Any message you leave will be broadcast into the future.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 07 March 2011
  • Currently 5.29/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (24)

Golf Fatality

A guy goes golfing with his girlfriend. As he tees off, she steps into ladies' teebox and gets hit in the head with his drive. She is pronounced D.O.A. and taken to the morgue.

The coroner calls him in and says, "She definitely died from a blow to the head caused by the golf ball. But the only thing we can't understand is why was there a golf ball in her rectum?"

"Oh," he replies, "that must have been my mulligan."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 07 March 2013
  • Currently 4.92/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (12)

April fools' day office joke - you are fired

- You are fired Bob. - What!? Why!? - APRIL FOOL! - OH Man. - But April fools' day is next week. - So ti is, ha ha. - HA HA. - HA HA HA HA HA. - - - Anyway ... you're fired.
#joke #short #aprilfoolsday
Joke | Source: Reddit Jokes: Get Your Funny On! - The funniest sub on reddit. Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of them aren't even reposts!
  • Currently 6.71/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

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