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Jokes of the day for Monday, 10 March 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 10 March 2014

“The owner of the hai...

“The owner of the hair salon had to make cuts on his staff.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 5.83/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (6)

Polishing Apples

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his expensive wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel."
"I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents."
"The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $9.80."
"Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."

#joke
  • Currently 5.75/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (8)

SLIDESHOW #54 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Short funny jokes-Hide cash

Q. If you need to hide cash from a Harley Davidson rider, where should you keep it?

A. That's not difficult, just put it in the bathroom, below the soap.
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 7.00/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (9)

Funny video of the day - Best Fails of the Week 1 March 2014

Best Fails of the Week 1 March 2014 - Many funny fails from first week of March 2014 - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (10)

Long winded...

A man was giving a speech at his lodge meeting. He got a bit carried away and talked for two hours. Finally, he realized what he had done and said, "I'm sorry I talked so long. I left my watch at home."

A voice from the back of the room replied, "There's a calendar behind you..."

#joke #short
  • Currently 4.60/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (5)

Funny Photo of the day - Family trip with fresh milk containers

Family trip with fresh milk containers - It's all fine as long as they can stand smell | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 6.13/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (8)

Another Bull Name

Q: What is another name for a masturbating bull?

A: Beef Strokinoff.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (6)

A lawyer died and arrived at t...

A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was, and greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk. The lawyer said, "I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?" St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!"
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 13 July 2012
  • Currently 3.62/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (13)

Chuck Norris doesn't bowl stri...

Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 22 April 2011
  • Currently 3.64/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (44)

If God Had Voice Mail

Thank you for calling heaven.
I am sorry, all of our angels and saints are busy helping other sinners right now. However, your prayer is important to us and we will answer it in the order it was received. Please stay on the line.
If you would like to speak to:
God, press 1.
Jesus, press 2.
The Holy Spirit, press 3.
If you would like to hear King David sing a Psalm while you are holding, press 4.
To find a loved one who has been assigned to Heaven, press 5, then enter his or her social security number followed by the pound sign. (If you get a negative response, please hang up and try area code 666.)For reservations in heaven, please enter J-O-H-N 3:16
For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of the earth, life on other planets, and where Noah's Ark is, please wait until you arrive.
If you are calling after hours and need emergency assistance, please contact your local pastor.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 10 March 2011
  • Currently 4.35/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (51)

Child Sent To Bed


A small boy is sent to bed by his father...
[Five minutes later]
"Da-ad..."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
[Five minutes later]
"Da-aaaad..."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!"
[Five minutes later]
"Daaaa-aaaAAAAD..."
"WHAT??!!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 15 December 2009
  • Currently 4.17/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (6)

Sexual Harassment

There are thousands of sex phone lines for men but only a few for women.

This is because if a women wants someone to talk dirty to her she can just go to work.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 06 June 2009
  • Currently 5.86/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (7)

If God Had Voice Mail

Thank you for calling heaven.
I am sorry, all of our angels and saints are busy helping other sinners right now. However, your prayer is important to us and we will answer it in the order it was received. Please stay on the line.
If you would like to speak to:
God, press 1.
Jesus, press 2.
The Holy Spirit, press 3.
If you would like to hear King David sing a Psalm while you are holding, press 4.
To find a loved one who has been assigned to Heaven, press 5, then enter his or her social security number followed by the pound sign. (If you get a negative response, please hang up and try area code 666.)For reservations in heaven, please enter J-O-H-N 3:16
For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of the earth, life on other planets, and where Noah's Ark is, please wait until you arrive.
If you are calling after hours and need emergency assistance, please contact your local pastor.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 10 March 2011
  • Currently 4.35/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (51)

Hear about the blond

Hear about the blonde that bought an AM radio? It took her a month to figure out she could play it at night too.

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 10 March 2012
  • Currently 6.40/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (40)

Elisha and Two She-Bears

A minister was talking to a children's Sunday school class about the Old Testament story of the children who mocked Elisha on his journey to Bethel. For once, he had everyone's attention, as he described how the youngsters taunted the poor old prophet and how they were punished: Two she-bears came out of the wild and ate 42 of them."And now, children," said the pastor, wondering whether he had gotten his point across, “what does this story show us?”
A little girl in the front raised her hand and said, "It shows how many children two she-bears can hold."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 10 March 2009
  • Currently 4.48/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (25)

Behind the wheel...

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the driver, he was astounded to see that the woman behind the wheel was knitting!

Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn, and yelled, PULLOVER!"

"NO," the woman yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 10 March 2009
  • Currently 6.33/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (15)

I'm really attracted to ...

I'm really attracted to Helen Keller. I have a thing for dumb blinds.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 10 March 2010
  • Currently 2.82/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (11)

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