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Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 12 March 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 12 March 2014

“Neuter your dog - an...

“Neuter your dog - an ounce of prevention is better than a pound of curs.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 5.86/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (7)

Getting a Cake

Little Johnny walked into the kitchen, saw his mother making a cake and announced, "I'll be playing in my room for the next two hours. I sure would like a piece of cake when you're finished."
Later, when his mother brought him a piece of cooled cake, Little Johnny exclaimed, "Golly, it worked!"
Puzzled, his mother asked, "What do you mean?"
Little Johnny replied, "Daddy said that in order to get a piece around here, you have to spend a couple of hours playing first!"

#joke
  • Currently 4.83/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (6)

SLIDESHOW #31 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Short funny jokes-Arrested

Q: Did you hear about the guy who was who was stopped by the highway police for having sodium chloride and a twelve-volt in his Chevy?

A: He was arrested for a salt and battery.
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 5.43/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (7)

Funny video of the day - Installing your TV while high is now legal in Colorado

Installing your TV while high is now legal in Colorado - Driving to get new one isn't - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.22/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (9)

Humor Relating To Iraq


The problem with the Iraqi army is that they were using Russian defense tactics:
1. Engage the enemy.
2. Draw him into your territory.
3. Wait until winter sets in.


The Iraqi verions of the classic army regulations can be summarized as:
If it doesn't move, hide behind it.
If it does move, surrender to it.


Iraqi Air Force motto:
I came I saw Iran

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 6.33/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (6)

Funny Photo of the day - Temptive T-Shirt

Temptive T-Shirt - It is hard to resist | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (9)

A stiff one

Pfizer Corp. (NYSE PFE) is making the announcement today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola Bottling Group (NYSE PBG) as a power beverage, suitable for use as-is, or a mixer, under the name "Mount and Do."

Pepsi's proposed ad campaign suggests:

"It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one."

Submitted by Glaci

Edited by Curtis

#joke
  • Currently 6.57/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (7)

Lawyers in Lust

Two lawyers are walking down the street, when a beautiful woman walks by.

"Boy, I'd like to screw her," says one lawyer.

"I agree," says the other.

"But out of what?"

#joke #short #lawyer
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (5)

A trip to the movies...

For the first time in many years, an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie.

After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn. As he handed the attendant $1.50, he couldn't help but comment, "The last time I went to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents."

"Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "You're really going to enjoy yourself this evening. We have sound now."

#joke
  • Currently 5.11/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (9)

There is no theory of evolutio...

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 20 April 2011
  • Currently 3.64/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (39)

Serving Two Masters

A Mormon acquaintance once pushed Mark Twain into an argument on the issue of polygamy. After long and tedious expositions justifying the practice, the Mormon demanded that Twain cite any passage of scripture expressly forbidding polygamy.
"Nothing easier," Twain replied. "No man can serve two masters."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 13 September 2009
  • Currently 6.20/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (45)

Match Made in Heaven

A young couple were driving down the road one day, happily, deliriously in love and due to be married the next day. Suddenly, a large truck swerved from the oncoming lanes into their car! BOOM! And they both died.
At the Pearly Gates, the young couple confronted St. Peter. "Sir, you have to help us! We were to be married tomorrow. Is there any way we can be married in Heaven?"
"Hmmm," replied St. Peter, "I don't recall there ever being a marriage in Heaven. Well, let's take it up with God and see what he says."
So they approached God with their plea. God sat for a moment, pondering the request. Then he looked down and said, "Come back in five years and ask me again."
Five years later, the couple approached God again, even more in love than ever and pleading that he allow their marriage. God paused for quite a while, musing over their request. Then he spoke, "Come back in five years and ask me again."
And once again, five years later, the couple was again in the presence of God, more in love than ever and begging God's permission for the third time to marry. This time God smiled broadly and thundered, "Yes my children, you may marry!"
Well, the wedding went off beautifully, the reception was huge, everyone thought the bride was simply breathtaking and the groom was soooo handsome, and everyone was happy! Until...
Two years later, the couple was back before God, and things were not looking so good. The couple had come to the realization almost immediately that although marriages were made in heaven, they didn't last very long there! And, in spite of their struggles to come to terms with the situation, they had decided there simply was no alternative but to get a divorce.
Black clouds fractured by lightening rolled across the sky, and the ground shook with explosive thunder. God glared down at the tiny couple before him, his face becoming dark and angry, and he roared, "Divorce?! Impossible!!! It took us TEN years just to find a priest in Heaven! Do you have any idea how long it will take to find a LAWYER?!!"

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 12 March 2009
  • Currently 6.54/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (41)

Where are we?

Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the employee,

"Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are...very slowly?"

The employee leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr, gerrrrrrr, Kiiiiing."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 12 March 2009
  • Currently 5.92/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (38)

Paul Varghese: Knock Knock Joke

My friends a Jehovahs Witness. He got all pissed at me because he tried to tell me a knock knock joke and I ignored him.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 12 March 2012
  • Currently 5.59/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (37)

School Collection 08


A math joke
If there are ten cats in a boat and one jumps out, how many are left?
None, they were all copycats!

A history joke
What does the 1286BC incribed on the mummy's tomb indicate?
The registration of the car that ran him over!

Father: How do you like going to school?
Son: The going bit is fine, as is the coming home bit too, but I'm not too keen on the time in-between!

A history joke
Who succeeded the first President of the USA?
The second one!

A math joke
Teacher: Now class, whatever I ask, I want you to all answer at once. How much is six plus 4?
Class: At once!


#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 12 March 2013
  • Currently 4.06/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (34)

Natural talents

I have never made a fool of my mother-in-law,

I just leave her to display her natural talents herself.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 12 March 2012
  • Currently 4.54/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (24)

Being the boss

A henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself. "You don't have to let your wife bully you," he said. "Go home and show her you're the boss."

The husband decided to take the doctor's advice. He went home, slammed the door, saw his wife and growled, "From now on you're taking orders from me. I want my supper right now, and after you get it on the table, go upstairs and lay out my clothes. Tonight I am going out with the boys. You are going to stay at home where you belong. Another thing, you know who is going to tie my bow tie?"

"I certainly do," said his wife calmly, "the undertaker."

#joke #doctor
  • Currently 7.33/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (12)

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