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Jokes of the day for Friday, 28 March 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 28 March 2014

“I'd tell you a joke ...

“I'd tell you a joke about a cow but I always butcher it.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (7)

Missing the bus

What did Rachel do when she missed her bus number 70?

Well, she simple rode bus number 35 twice.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

SLIDESHOW #20 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Two bachelors...

Two confirmed bachelors sat talking,
their conversation drifted from politics to cooking.

'I got a cookbook once,' said one, 'but I could never do anything with it.'

'Too much fancy work in it, eh?' asked the other.

'You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way --
'Take a clean dish...''

#joke
  • Currently 3.80/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (5)

Funny video of the day - #Top5 Basketball Madness

#Top5 Basketball Madness - Even though your bracket has been ruined, there is still plenty of awesome basketball to watch! - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (9)

Three Is Equal To Four


Theorem: 3=4
Proof:
Suppose:
a + b = c
This can also be written as:
4a - 3a + 4b - 3b = 4c - 3c
After reorganizing:
4a + 4b - 4c = 3a + 3b - 3c
Take the constants out of the brackets:
4 * (a+b-c) = 3 * (a+b-c)
Remove the same term left and right:
4 = 3

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (3)

Funny Photo of the day - Lego bow tie

Lego bow tie - Be smart and have fun at he same time | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 4.10/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (10)

You might Be A Redne

Y'might be a redneck, if you clean your toilet by peein' on the stains!

#joke #short
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

Knock, Knock... Cows Go

Knock, knock

Who's there?

Cows go.

Cows go who?

No, silly, cows go "moo."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (6)

Dancing Duck

A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot.
Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a ripoff! I put him on the pot before a whole audience, and he didn't dance a single step!"

Dancing duck

"So?" asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"

#joke
  • Currently 3.14/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (7)

Some people get lucky and kill...

Some people get lucky and kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris once killed four birds with half a stone. What's that? You say there's no such thing as half a stone? The four dead birds didn't think so either.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 08 May 2011
  • Currently 3.09/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (67)

A Rare Book

A collector of rare books ran into an acquaintance who told him he had just thrown away an old Bible that he found in a dusty, old box. He happened to mention that Guten-somebody-or-other had printed it.
"Not Gutenberg?" Gasped the collector.
"Yes, that was it!""You idiot! You've thrown away one of the first books ever printed. A copy recently sold at an auction for half a million dollars!"
"Oh, I don't think this book would have been worth anything close to that much," replied the man. "It was scribbled all over in the margins by some guy named Martin Luther."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 11 March 2009
  • Currently 4.71/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (51)

Two guys were fishing down by ...

Two guys were fishing down by the Ohio River on different sides of the riverbank at night. Guy number one was catching a whole bunch of fish for his family, but guy number two hadn't caught any and was frustrated and called out to guy number one "How come you've been catching all them there fish and I ain't caught a single one?"
Guy number one replied, " I don’t know.... why don’t ya come on over here?"
"I don’t know.... I don’t see a bridge, and their aint no boat, and I don’t swim to well"
Guy number one picks up his flashlight, turns it on, and replies, " Why don’t you walk across this here beam off light?"
Guy number two was outraged and replied "do you think am stupid? When I get half way you'll turn it off!!!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 28 March 2010
  • Currently 6.02/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (51)

Al Jackson: Bacardi 151

I had a bad introduction to drinking, as it is. When I was 14 years old, my boys got me in a room and they gave me Bacardi 151. I didnt even know what the 151 stood for; I thought it was like Heinz 57 sauce or Formula 409 or some sh*t. Turns out you have 151% chance of taking a swing at your dad.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 28 March 2011
  • Currently 3.34/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (50)

A fellow tries to cross the Me...

A fellow tries to cross the Mexican border on a bicycle with two big bags balanced on his shoulders. The guard asks, 'What's in the bags?'

The fellow says, 'Sand!'

The guard wants to examine them. The fellow gets off the bike, places the bags on the ground, opens them up, and the guard inspects... only to find sand. The fellow packs the sand, places the bags on his shoulders, and pedals the bike across the border.

Two weeks later, the same situation is repeated...

'What have you there?'

'Sand'

'We want to examine.'

Same results... nothing but sand and the fellow is on his way again.

Every two weeks for six months the inspections continue. Finally, one week the fellow didn't show up. However, the guard sees him downtown and says to the fellow, 'Buddy, you had us crazy. We sort of knew you were smuggling something. I won't say anything - what were you smuggling?'

The fellow says, 'Bicycles.'
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 28 March 2010
  • Currently 7.96/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (49)

Humor about Irish Marriages

Some years ago, Michael J. Flanagan, a successful New York contractor, was standing on the deck of the Staten Island Ferry when a car got loose and sent him into the river where he drowned.

The following Sunday his widow, all decked out in deepest black, was standing on the church steps after Mass, receiving condolences and enjoying every minute of it, when an old friend of the contractor came up.

"I'm sorry, Mary, for your trouble," offered the friend. "Did Mike leave you well fixed?"

"Oh, he did!" she said. "He left me almost a half million dollars."

"Well now, that's not bad for a man who couldn't read or write."

"Nor swim either," added the widow.

The American tourist in Dublin had been complaining a great deal about the food.

"Here," he said to the waitress holding out a piece of meat for inspection, "do you call that pig?"

"Which end of the fork, sir?" the waitress asked sweetly.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 28 March 2010
  • Currently 5.09/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (44)

A Blonde Bet

A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead said "I can't take this, you're my friend"
The blonde said "No! A bet's a bet".
So the redhead said "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money"
The blonde replied "well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"
#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 28 March 2010
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (42)

An armless man walked into a b...

An armless man walked into a bar which is empty except for the bartender.
He ordered a drink and when he was served, asked the bartender if he would get the money from his wallet in his pocket, since he has no arms.
The bartender obliged him. He then asked if the bartender would tip the glass to his lips.
The bartender did this until the man finished his drink. He then asked if the bartender would get a hanky from his pocket and wipe the foam from his lips.
The bartender did it and commented it must be very difficult not to have arms and have to ask someone to do nearly everything for him.
The man said, "Yes, it is a bit embarrassing at times. By the way, where is your restroom?"
The bartender quickly replies, "The closest one is in the gas station three blocks down the street."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

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