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Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 01 April 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 01 April 2014

Imagination

Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel manager's office.
“What is the meaning of this?” the manager asked. “When you applied for the job, you told us you had 5 years' experience. Now we discover this is the first job you've ever had.”

Imagination - HNBD

“Well,” the young man said, “in your ad you said you wanted somebody with imagination.”

#joke
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (6)

With all my love


A jeweler was approached by his regular client, Mrs. Havers with a strange request.

Mrs. Havers, who was divorced, asked the jeweler to make two earrings from her inscribed wedding band - while one earring read 'with all', the other one read, 'my love.'

The jeweler was curious and asked her why she wanted it like that.

Mrs. Havers replied, "Its only to remember that the next time someone says that to me, I should let it go in one ear and out the other."

#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 3.14/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (7)

SLIDESHOW #39 - Funny Photo Slideshow

“Did you hear about t...

“Did you hear about that Buddhist leader who retired and tended his crops? He's now known as the Dalai Farmer.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 5.83/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (6)

Funny video of the day - Peeling apples with power drill

Peeling apples with power drill - Innovative Chef uses Power Drill to peel apples in seconds - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.75/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (8)

Did you hear about the two rad...

Did you hear about the two radio antennas that got married?
The wedding was terrible, but the reception was excellent!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (8)

Funny Photo of the day - The fun of being dad

The fun of being dad - Don't help him clean the poop, take another few photos | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 6.29/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (14)

Complicated order....

A resident in a seaside hotel breakfast room called the head waiter to his table. "I want two boiled eggs, one of them so undercooked it's runny, and the other so overcooked, it's tough and hard to eat. Also, give me some grilled bacon that has been left on the plate to get cold; burnt toast that crumbles away as soon as you touch it with a knife; butter straight from the deep freeze so that it's impossible to spread; and a pot of very weak coffee, luke-warm."

"That's a complicated order, Sir," said the bewildered waiter. "It might be quite difficult to prepare."

The guest replied, "Oh? But that's what I got yesterday!!"

#joke
  • Currently 5.89/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (9)

The Story Of A Very Short Man


A man walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me two shots." Bartender says, "You want them both now or one at a time?" The guy says," Oh, I want them both now. One's for me and one's for this little guy here," and he pulls a tiny three inch man out of his pocket.
The bartender asks "He can drink?"
"Oh, sure. He can drink."
So the bartender pours the shots and sure enough, the little guy drinks it all up.
"That's amazing" says the bartender. "What else can he do, can he walk?"
The man flicks a quarter down to the end of the bar and says, "Hey, Jake. Go get that." The little guy runs down to the end of the bar and picks up the quarter. Then he runs back down and gives it to the man.
The bartender is in total shock. "That's amazing" he says, "what else can he do? Does he talk?"
The man says "Sure he talks, hey, Jake, tell him about that time we were in Africa and you made fun of that witch doctor's powers!"

#joke #doctor #walksintoabar
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (4)

12 Shots

A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can.

The bartender says, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?"

The guy says, "You would be drinking fast if you had what I had."

The bartender says, "What do you have?"

The guy says, "75 cents."

#joke
  • Currently 5.67/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (6)

Dyslexic Agnostic Insomniac

Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac?

A: He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 7.00/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (6)

Curiosity killed the cat. Chuc...

Curiosity killed the cat. Chuck Norris killed Curiosity.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 01 October 2012
  • Currently 6.63/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (8)

A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:

"God is coming --
and is SHE pissed!"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 01 April 2011
  • Currently 3.84/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (44)

Bingo sign

How do you get 500 old cows in a barn?

Put up a Bingo sign.

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by Calamjo

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 01 April 2011
  • Currently 5.41/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (49)

A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:

"God is coming --
and is SHE pissed!"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 01 April 2011
  • Currently 3.84/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (44)

Jo Koy: When Monkeys Get Mad

When monkeys get mad, they crap in their hand and they throw it. How cool is that? Whos going to fight a guy with a lump of crap in his hand?
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 01 April 2012
  • Currently 4.27/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (41)

1. "Weather at our destination...

1. "Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken
clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and
remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."

2. "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation, and, in the
event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take
them with you with our compliments."

3. "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your
belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among
the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

4. And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta airlines
is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the
industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"

5. Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly
windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having to
fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened
while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 01 April 2010
  • Currently 6.53/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (34)

Three old men were sitting aro...

Three old men were sitting around talking about who had the worst health problems. The seventy-year-old said, "Have I got a problem. Every morning I get up at 7:30 and have to take a piss, but I have to stand at the toilet for an hour 'cause my pee barely trickles out."
"Heck, that's nothing, " said the eighty year old. "Every morning at 8:30 I have to take a shit, but I have to sit on the can for hours because of my constipation. It's terrible".
The ninety-year-old said, "You guys think you have problems! Every morning at 7:30 I piss like a racehorse, and at 8:30 I shit like a pig. The trouble with me is, I don't wake up till eleven."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 6.71/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

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