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Jokes of the day for Sunday, 06 April 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 06 April 2014

New secretary


Bob walked into his pal's office only to find Gareth looking depressed.

Bob asked, "Hey, what's with that long face?"

Gareth said, "You know my wife. She hired a new secretary for me."

Bob asked, "So what? Is she blonde or brunette?"

Gareth replied, "Neither. He's bald."
#joke #blonde
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 4.08/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (13)

Trip to Alcatraz...

A couple with three children waited in line at San Francisco's Pier 41 to purchase tickets for a boat trip to Alcatraz. Others watched with varying degrees of sympathy and irritation as the young children fidgeted, whined, and punched one another. The frazzled parents reprimanded them to no avail.

Finally they reached the ticket window. "Five tickets, please," the father said. "Two round trip, three one way."

#joke
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (3)

SLIDESHOW #19 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Men and women

What is the difference between men and women?

A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need.

A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by Calamjo

#joke #short
  • Currently 5.83/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (6)

Eating Right

A man visits his doctor with celery stalks stuck in each ear and a carrot stick up each nostril.

He mumbles, "Doc, I'm just not feeling well."

The doctor replies, "Maybe you're not eating right."

#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (6)

Hard shot

Bob stood over his tee on the 18th hole for what seemed like forever. He'd waggle, look down, look up, but never start his back swing. Finally David, his playing partner, asked, “Why on Earth are you taking so long to make this shot?”

“My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse, and I want to make this shot a good one,” said Bob.

Golfing - 04/08

#joke
  • Currently 2.67/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (12)

“The linen shop gave ...

“The linen shop gave their employees free bedding. Even their accountant had his own handmade spread sheet.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 3.56/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (9)

Get Me Off This Train


One day a man took the train from Paris to Frankfurt. When he got in he said to the ticket man:
"Sir. I really need you to do me a favor, I have to get down this train in Mannheim, but I'm very tired and it is for sure that I will fall asleep. So what I want you to do is that you wake me up in Mannheim because I have to close a business there and it is very important for me. Here you have 100 francs for the favor. But I warn you sometimes when people wake me up I get really violent, but no matters what I do or say you got to get me out of this train in Mannheim. Is that clear?"
So the ticket man agreed and took the 100 francs. Later as the man had said he fall asleep, and when he woke up he realized that he was in Frankfurt. He was so mad at the ticket man that he ran over and started yelling at the ticket man.
"Are you stupid or something??? I paid you 100 francs so that you wake me up in Mannheim. And you didn't, so I want my money back!"
While the man was yelling at the ticket guy, two other guys that were also in the train were looking at them, so one turns to the other and says to him:
Man 1: "Look at this guy! He is mad!"
Man 2: "Yeah! He's almost as mad as the guy they made get out of the train in Mannheim."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 13 April 2013
  • Currently 4.40/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (10)

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minut...

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 22 November 2011
  • Currently 2.31/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (13)

Hahahahahaha

The joke is:























!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 06 April 2013
  • Currently 1.97/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (77)

Maria Bamford: Fulfilling Potential

Im afraid that fulfilling my potential would really cut into my sitting around time.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 06 April 2012
  • Currently 4.91/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (44)

This reminds me of something y...

This reminds me of something yesterday at work. A colleague was relating a conversation he had with his young daughter, just a bit over 2 years old. They were discussing geography and…
“Where does mommy live?”
“Minneapolis.”
“Where does grandma live?”
“Baltimore.”
“Where does grandpa live?”
“Baltimore.”
“And where does daddy live?”
“At work!”
Needless to say, he took the morning off that next […]
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 06 April 2010
  • Currently 5.76/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (33)

Truman at the Washington Garden Club....

Harry Truman was known for his blunt manner of speaking. When he made a speech at the Washington Garden Club, he kept referring to the "good manure" that needed to be used on the flowers.

Some society women complained to his wife, Bess. "Couldn't you get the President to say 'fertilizer'?" they asked.

Mrs. Truman replied, "Heavens, no! It took me twenty-five years to get him to say 'manure.'"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 06 April 2009
  • Currently 5.76/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (17)

Dancing duck

A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot.

Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a ripoff! I put him on the pot before a whole audience, and he didn't dance a single step!"

"So?" asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 16 August 2009
  • Currently 5.41/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (22)

Three questions

A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the lawyer's rates.

"$50.00 for three questions."

replied the lawyer.

"Isn't that awfully steep?"

asked the man.

"Yes."

the lawyer replied, "What was your third question?"

#joke #short #lawyer
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

A man and a woman were asleep...

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.
Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside. The woman, groggy and bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man, "Holy crap! That must be my husband!"
So the man jumped out of the bed scared and naked and jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.
A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, "I AM your husband!"
The woman yelled back, "Yeah, then why were you running?"
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 8.60/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (10)

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