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Jokes of the day for Monday, 21 April 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 21 April 2014

“My friend's bakery b...

“My friend's bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 4.57/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (7)

Wrong Way

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him.
“Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280 interstate. Please be careful!”
“It's not just one car,” said Herman. “It's hundreds of them!”

#joke
  • Currently 6.80/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (10)

SLIDESHOW #121 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Milk and eggs

Little Johnny: A cow gives milk and a hen lays eggs. Tell me who can give both?

Little Tommy: Can't think of anyone.

Little Johnny: The grocery store owner, silly!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 6.57/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (7)

Smell the Coffee...

A grandmother was surprised by her seven-year-old helper early one morning. He had made her coffee! She drank what was probably the worst cup of coffee in her entire life. And when she got to the bottom, to her utter amazement, there were three little green, army men in her cup.

Puzzled, she asked, "Honey, what are these army men doing in my coffee?"

Her grandson answered, "Grandma, you know how it says on TV, 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup.'"

#joke
  • Currently 4.75/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (4)

Funny Photo of the day - Very tall baby

Very tall baby - With extremly large feet | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 2.80/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (5)

My Dad Is Better Than Your Dad

Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers.
The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50."
The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100."
The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon... and it takes eight people to collect all the money!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 21 April 2013
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (10)

I Guess That's F

Two rednecks meet on a dusty country road. One of them is carrying a big bag labeled, "chickens."

"Chickens, eh?"

says one guy.

"Hey, if I guess how many chickens you got, will you give me one?"

"Heck," says the guy with the bag, "iffin you guess right, I'll give you both of 'em."

The other scratches his head and guesses, "Um... five?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 02 April 2012
  • Currently 3.70/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (10)

The quickest way to a man's he...

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 19 July 2011
  • Currently 2.18/10

Rating: 2.2/10 (11)

The Cesium Song 08


'Lectropositive Mama
(tune, Lady Madonna)
'Letropositive mama,
Cesium on your meat,
Wonder how you manage,
To stay on your feet.
How d'ya stand the smokin'?
How d'ya 'bide the flame?
Do you think that life's just
A burnin' game.
Monday night your hunger's a blue fire,
Tuesday morn' you're cookin' 'fore the sun.
Wednesday rain, you're only flamin' higher,
Having your fun.
'Lectropositive mama,
Cinders in your curls,
No way can compare you,
To ordinary girls.
Likin' the explosions,
Rock you on your seat.
How can any woman handle
All that heat?
---Songs of Cesium #47

#joke #monday
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 31 May 2011
  • Currently 4.10/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (10)

Where babies from?

Mother is in the kitchen making supper for her family when her youngest daughter walks in.

Mother, where do babies come from?

Well dear...a mommy and daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their room...they kiss and hug and have sex. (The daughter looks puzzled.) That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy's vagina. That's how you get a baby, honey.

Oh I see, but the other night when I came into you and daddy's room you had daddy's penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?

Jewelry, dear.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 21 April 2012
  • Currently 4.82/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (50)

How to Cure a Headache

A guy has been suffering from severe headaches for years

with no relief. After trying all the usual cures he's

referred to a headache specialist by his family doctor. The

doctor asks him what his symptoms are and he replies.

"I get these blinding headaches; kind of like a knife across

my scalp and...."

He is interrupted by the doctor, "And a heavy throbbing

right behind the left ear".

"Yes! Exactly! How did you know?"

"Well I am the world's greatest headache specialist, you

know. But I myself suffered from that same type of headache

for many years. It is caused by a tension in the scalp

muscles. This is how I cured it: Every day I would give my

wife oral sex. When she came she would squeeze her legs

together with all her strength and the pressure would relieve

the tension in my head. Try that every day for two weeks and

come back and let me know how it goes".

Two weeks go by and the man is back, "Well, how do you

feel?"

"Doc, I'm a new man! I feel great! I haven't had a headache

since I started this treatment! I can't thank you enough.

And, by the way you have a lovely home."

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 21 April 2011
  • Currently 5.80/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (40)

Shoulda Said

This guy walks into a bar with his golden retriever.

''Hey, can I get a drink on the house if my dog talks for you?''

''Dogs can't talk, pal. But if you can prove to me yours does, I'll give you a drink. If not, I get to kick your ass.''

''Okay,'' says the guy. He turns to his dog. ''Okay fella. Tell me -- what is on top of a house?''

''Roof!'' The man turns and smiles at the bartender.

''THAT ain't talking! Any dog can bark!''

''Okay boy. Tell me -- how does sandpaper feel?''

''Ruff!"

''What the hell you tryin' to pull mister?''

''Okay, okay," says the man. "One more question please. Okay buddy, tell me -- who is the greatest ball player who ever lived?''

"Ruth."

The bartender beats the hell out of the guy and throws onto the sidewalk outside of the bar, then throws the dog out next to him. The dog stands up and looks at the guy.

"Geez. Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?"

#joke #walksintoabar
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 21 April 2013
  • Currently 6.81/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (36)

Little Johnny had finished his...

Little Johnny had finished his summer vacation and gone back to school. Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to
tell her that he was misbehaving.
"Wait a minute," she said. "I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 21 April 2010
  • Currently 5.65/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (20)

On his birthday, Chuck Norris ...

On his birthday, Chuck Norris blows out his candles by blinking.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 21 April 2011
  • Currently 3.42/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (19)

Gabriel Iglesias: First Thing That Comes to Mind

Ill walk up to a woman, Ill say the first thing that comes to mind: Hey, you hungry?
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 06 October 2011
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (8)

Church Bulletin Bloopers: Carpets and Choir Robes

A new loudspeaker system has been installed in the church. It was given by one of our members in honor of his wife.Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.On the main page of the Internet web site for the Evangelical Lutheran Church in Canada: "In a show of near anonymity, the convention approved full communion with the Anglican Church of Canada."Father is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary. The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.Announcement: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals."The agenda was adopted. The minutes were approved. The financial secretary gave a grief report.Stewardship Offertory: "Jesus Paid It All."-
#joke #friday
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 5.43/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (7)

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