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Jokes of the day for Saturday, 03 May 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 03 May 2014

The wedding ring....

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"

The other replied "Yes, I am, I married the wrong man."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Five Pounds of Fat

Q: How do you make five pounds of fat look good to a man?

A: Put a nipple on it.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 7.00/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (5)

“The new drive-thru r...

“The new drive-thru restaurant for golfers insisted on putting greens in all their courses.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 5.73/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (11)

Broke bicycle

Little Pamela watched as her mother welcomed Aunt Dorris into the living room. Little Pamela asked her aunt if she would like to go to the backyard to see her bicycle.

Aunt Dorris agreed and they went to the backyard where a brand new bicycle was parked.

Aunt Dorris, "Wow, that's a beautiful bicycle! Can you ride it?"

"Of course I can ride it!" said Little Pamela, and then added sadly, "but it's broke."

Aunt Dorris looked again at the bicycle and it seemed absolutely ok to her.

So she asked her, "It looks fine to me. What's wrong with it?"

Little Pamela said, "Its strange. Whenever I ride it, it falls down!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (7)

Stay Over One Night


A hindu priest, rabbi and a lawyer were driving down the road, when the car breaks down. Fortunately finding a farmhouse nearby, the farmer informed them that he had only one spare room, and that it had only two twin beds.
They were welcome to it, but one of them had to sleep in the barn. After much discussion, the hindu volunteered to go to the barn. A few moments later, a knock on the bedroom door, and the hidu explained that there was a cow in the barn, and cows are sacred and he could not possibly sleep in the barn with a cow.
Annoyed, the rabbi volunteered. A few moments later, a knock on the door. The rabbi explained that there was a pig in the barn and that he, being very orthodox, could not possibly spend the evening in the barn with the origin of pork.
Finally the lawyer said that he would go to the barn. A few moments later there was a knock on the door. It was the cow and the pig!

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.33/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (6)

White hair

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."

white hair

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 28 November 2012
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (4)

Chuck Norris won't fight Justi...

Chuck Norris won't fight Justin Bieber because he doesn't hit girls.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 18 August 2012
  • Currently 4.90/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (10)

I Dare You

At a church meeting, a very wealthy man rose to tell the rest of those present about his Christian faith.
"I'm a millionaire," he said, "and I attribute it all to the rich blessings of God in my life. I remember that turning point in my faith. I had just earned my first dollar and I went to a church meeting that night. The speaker was a missionary who told about his work. I knew that I only had a dollar bill and I had to either give it all to God's work or give nothing at all. So at that moment, I decided to give my whole dollar to God. I believe that God blessed that decision, and that is why I am a rich man today."
When he finished and moved toward his seat, there was an awed silence As he sat down, a little old lady sitting in the same pew leaned over and said to him, "I dare you to do it again."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 05 March 2011
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (42)

Too Many

So once there was an Chinese man, A mexican, and an american all in the same plane.

Now the chinese man Takes a pair of chopstickes and throws them out of the window.

Then he claims "We have too many of those in my country!".

Then the mexican grabs his salsa, throws it out the window and says "We have to many of these in my country!".

Then the american picks up the mexican and throws him out of the window and claims "We have to many of these in my country!".

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 03 May 2012
  • Currently 3.90/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (87)

Two Kinds of People

There are two kinds of people. Those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 03 May 2009
  • Currently 6.36/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (64)

Lesbian Diet

Q: Why cant a lesbian go on a diet and wear makeup at the same time?

A: Because they cant eat Jenny Craig and have Mary Kay on their face at the same time.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 03 May 2013
  • Currently 5.25/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (60)

Contrary to popular belief, Am...

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 03 May 2011
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (55)

Pig In A Bar

A lady goes into a bar with her goose. Then the bartender comes up to her and says, ''Why did you have to bring the pig in with you?''

Then the lady answered, ''Excuse me, I think this is a goose.''

And the bartender says, ''Excuse me, I was talking to the goose.''

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 03 May 2011
  • Currently 5.89/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (46)

Getting Screwed Thousand Times

Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office,
But she belonged to someone else...
One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to
her and said, "I'll give you a £100 if you let me
have sex with you. But the girl said NO.
Johnny said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on
the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the
time you pick it up. "
She thought for a moment and said that she would have
to consult her boyfriend... So she called her
boyfriend and told him the story.
Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for £200, pick up the
money very fast, he won't even be able to get his
Pants down."
So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour
goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his
girlfriend to call.
Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and
asks what happened.

She responded, "The bastard used coins!" 

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 7.33/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (12)

Q: What do bl...

Q: What do blondes and lava lamps have in common?
A: They're both nice to look at, but neither one of them is too bright.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 03 May 2009
  • Currently 7.63/10

Rating: 7.6/10 (8)

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