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Jokes of the day for Saturday, 10 May 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 10 May 2014

It was the strangest thing...

Out in Kansas, tornadoes often hit with sudden devastation, without warning, and with unusual patterns of destruction. In one case, a house was completely whisked away leaving only the foundation and first floor. A silver-haired farm lady was seen sitting dazed, in a bathtub, the only remaining part of the house left above the floor.

The rescue squad rushed to her aid and found her unhurt. She was just sitting there in the tub, talking to herself. "It was the strangest thing... it was the strangest thing..." she kept repeating dazedly.

"What was the strangest thing, Ma'am?" asked one of the rescuers.

"I was visiting my daughter here, taking a bath, and all I did was pull the plug and the whole darned house suddenly drained away."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.20/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (5)

“My wife wanted me to...

“My wife wanted me to take her to visit Northern Canada but I was having Nunavut!”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 6.10/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (10)

Same colour

When Nancy bought half a dozen underwear for her husband Ned, Ned commented, "What made you buy the same colour honey? People may think I never change my undies."
Nancy asked, "which people?"
The silence was deafening!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 6.17/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (12)

Dentist

A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.
A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.
He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again.
The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist."
The guy, surprised, says "Yes! How did you figure that out?"
"Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands."
One thing led to another and they make love.
After they have done, the girl says, "You must be a good dentist."
The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Sure, I'm a good dentist, How did you figure that out?"

"Didn't feel a thing!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 8.18/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (91)

Answering Machine Message 190


Hi, can I speak to Mark?... Oh, there isn't?... I'm sorry, I must have dialed the wrong number.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 04 October 2013
  • Currently 3.40/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (10)

Jack was nimble, Jack was quic...

Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn't dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 17 April 2011
  • Currently 4.54/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (13)

Now that we are into renaming ...

Now that we are into renaming things like Mount Diablo, President Obama wants to rename the San Andreas Fault. His suggestion, Bush's Fault.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 24 April 2010
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (8)

Rainbows are what happens when...

Rainbows are what happens when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks Richard Simmons.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 10 May 2012
  • Currently 3.35/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (62)

Chuck Norris does, in fact, li...

Chuck Norris does, in fact, live in a round house.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 10 May 2011
  • Currently 3.18/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (61)

My kids love going to the...

My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on Post-it notes.

I noticed their Disney password was "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto," and asked why it was so long.

"Because," my son explained, "they say it has to have at least four characters."
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 10 May 2009
  • Currently 5.44/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (45)

Steven Wright 21

If the pen is mightier than the sword, in a duel I'll let you have the pen!

What do batteries run on?

Are there any questions?

I was cleaning out my closet and I found a swim suit that I had made out of sponges. I remember one time when I wore it. When I got out of the swimming pool nobody could go swimming until I came back.

I bought one of those little glass ball things with the snow in it. You know, you turn it upside down then you turn it back and it starts to snow. I bought one, except this has a snow plow that does it in rows.

[Later] I bought one of those little glass ball things with the snow in it... Just checking.

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.

Why is it, "A penny for your thoughts," but, "you have to put your two cents in?" Somebody's making a penny.

My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 10 May 2012
  • Currently 5.85/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (34)

Chuck Norris drew the line and...

Chuck Norris drew the line and made Johnny Cash walk it.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 10 May 2013
  • Currently 4.47/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (17)

Learning About Democracy

I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order.
I then picked the movie and pizza because I'm the one with the money.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.83/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (12)

Natasha Leggero: Boston Blackout

This girl comes up to me with this thick Boston accent and shes like, Hey, youve seriously never woke up at a party and some guy was inside you? I never woke up at a party.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 09 March 2012
  • Currently 3.73/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (44)

Sally was driving home from on...

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.
Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.
"What in bag?" asked the old woman.
Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband."
The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said, "Good trade."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 6.89/10

Rating: 6.9/10 (19)

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