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Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 01 July 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 01 July 2014

Yo momma so dumb when I said, ...

Yo momma so dumb when I said, "Drinks on the house," she got a ladder.
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (6)

“Does my great new sm...

“Does my great new smile denture ego?”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 4.83/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (6)

History Of Lawyers


Why God Created Lawyers
Satan was complaining bitterly to God, "You made the world so that it was not fair, and you made it so that most people would have to struggle every day, fight against their innate wishes and desires, and deal with all sorts of losses, grief, disasters, and catastrophes. Yet people worship and adore you. People fight, get arrested, and cheat each other, and I get blamed, even when it is not my fault. Sure, I'm evil, but give me a break. Can't you do something to make them stop blaming me?"
And so God created lawyers.

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 6.20/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (5)

Funny Photo of the day - Camel riders happy faces

Camel riders happy faces - Just hoping for ride to end soon | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 3.89/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (9)

Wild Things

An old man sitting at the mall watched a teenager intently. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. The old man kept staring at him.
When the teenager was tired of being stared at, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter, old man? Never did anything wild in your life?"
The old man did not bat an eye when he responded, "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."

#joke #animal #bat #fruit #orange
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 6.13/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (8)

I.D.

A Georgia state trooper pulls over a pickup on I-75 and says to the driver,

"Got any I.D.?" and the driver replies "Bout wut?"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 26 November 2010
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (14)

John Oliver: Falling in Love with America

It was like falling in love with a girl who was just throwing up all over herself -- softly holding her hair back and whispering to her that everything was going to be alright. To me, thats what the last eight years were like, here in America: projectile vomiting all over yourself as the rest of the world rubbed your back, saying, Sssshhh, thats it. Let it all out.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 01 July 2010
  • Currently 4.55/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (53)

French fries

There was once a sheep farmer who had a French farmhand working with him to help castrate his sheep.

As the farmer castrated the first sheep, the French farmhand took the parts and was about to throw them into the trash.

"No!" yelled the farmer, "Don't throw those away! My wife fries them up, and we eat them, they're delicious! They're called Sheep Fries!"

The farmhand saved the parts and took them to the farmer's wife who cooked them up for supper. This went on for three days....and each evening they had Sheep Fries for supper.

On the fourth night the farmer came in to the house for supper.

He asked his wife where the farmhand was, and she replied, "It's the strangest thing! When he came in and asked what was for supper, I told him French Fries, and he ran like hell!"

Submitted by Calamjo

EDited by Tanilazing

#joke #animal #sheep #food #fries
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 01 July 2011
  • Currently 5.17/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (42)

Ralphie May - Dora the Explorer

Have you seen this show? If you havent, its about a five-year-old little Mexican girl thats always lost. It should be called Dora the Amber Alert.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 01 July 2012
  • Currently 3.80/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (41)

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

A Russian couple was walking down the street in St. Petersburg the other night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining," he said to his wife.

"No, that felt more like snow to me," she replied. "No, I'm sure it was just rain, he said." Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then they saw a minor communist party official walking toward them. "Let's not fight about it," the man said, "let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing."

As the official approached, the man said, "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?"

"It's raining, of course," he answered and walked on. But the woman insisted: "I know that felt like snow!" To which the man quietly replied: "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"

#joke #animal #reindeer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 01 July 2010
  • Currently 5.53/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (38)

Christopher Titus: Post-Weiner Politics

Im thinking of a presidential bid; currently indexing and cross-referencing everyone Ive tweeted my junk to. 8x10s available.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 01 July 2011
  • Currently 3.56/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (25)

Grab a tea

Grab a tea: what Isaac Newton did when he was thirsty.
#joke #short #drinks #tea
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 1.57/10

Rating: 1.6/10 (7)

10 Vampire Jokes for Halloween

Why didn't anyone want to babysit the little vampire?
A) Because he was a pain in the neck.

What is Dracula's favorite place in New York City?
A) The Vampire State Building

What did the little vampire say when he went to bed?
A) Turn on the dark, I am afraid of the light.

What did the vampire say to his victim?
A) It's been nice gnawing you.

Why do little vampires look forward to school lunches?
A) Because they know they won't get stake.

Who did Dracula take out on a date?
A) His ghoul friend

What do vampires fear the most?
A) Tooth decay

How do you join Dracula's fan club?
A) Send your name, address, and blood type.

What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A) Nectarines

What's a vampire's favorite animal?
A) A giraffe

#joke #halloween #animal #giraffe #fruit
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 6.44/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (9)

A Very Special Cow

Q. Have you heard of the dyslexic cow who attained enlightenment?
A. It kept on repeating OOOOMMM!
#joke #short #animal #cow
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 8.25/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (8)

Winding up the tough guy

I was sitting at a bar one time, when I noticed that, next to me, an old drunk was hassling one of the biggest, toughest guys I'd ever seen.

The old guy was clearly blasted, and kept getting in the tough guy's face, say, "I fucked your mother."

Despite being huge and jacked, the tough guy just kept shrugging it off. The old guy laughed in the tough guy's face, saying it again. "Hey, I fucked your mother."

Then, the old man even poked him, and repeated himself, "No seriously, I fucked your mother."

At this point, finally, the tough guy had had enough. He grabbed the old man by his jacket and began to pull him out of the bar, yelling,

"That's it. We're going home, Dad. You're drunk."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 6.44/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (9)

The barber's client looked de...

The barber's client looked depressed, so the barber told him, "Cheer up. I knew a guy who owed $5,000 he couldn't pay. He drove his vehicle to the edge of a cliff, where he sat for over an hour. A group of concerned citizens heard about his problem and passed a hat around. Relieved, the man pulled back from the cliff's edge."
"Incredible," said the client. "Who were these kind people?"
"The passengers on the bus."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 8.44/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (9)

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