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Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 10 September 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 10 September 2014

If you ever get cold, just sta...

If you ever get cold, just stand in the corner of a room for a while. They're normally around 90 degrees.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 6.45/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (11)

“The historian loves ...

“The historian loves reading about bobcats. They are lynx to the past.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 4.71/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (7)

SLIDESHOW #95 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Rider

After a round of golf, four ladies sat around the club house, chatting.
Seeing the ladies, the Pro approached them and asked: "How did your game go?
The first lady, a brunette, said she had a good round ... making the comment that she actually had 25 riders. The Pro was a bit perplexed not knowing what a "Rider" was.
The second was a blonde lady who quickly chimed in and said that she had a very good round as well with 16 riders.
The third lady then said that her round was average and that she only had 10 riders.
The fourth lady admitted that she played the worst round of the day and that she only had 2 riders all day long.
The Pro was completely confused not knowing what the term "rider" meant. But, because he didn't want to look dumb, he made a quick polite remark, wished the ladies well and then left.
He then approached the bartender and asked "Hey, can you tell me what these ladies are talking about when they refer to "Riders"?"

golf cart in the green

The bartender simply smiled and said..."A 'Rider" is when you hit a shot long enough to ride on the golf cart to your ball.

#joke #blonde
  • Currently 4.29/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (7)

Funny video of the day - Most consecutive pinky pull-ups

Most consecutive pinky pull-ups - How many pinky pull-ups can you do? - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 6.20/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (5)

While sports fishing off the F...

While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any gators around here?"
"Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"
Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.
About halfway there he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the gators?"
"We didn't do nothing,'" the beachcomber said.
"Wow," said the tourist.
The beachcomber added, "The sharks got 'em."
#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (6)

Funny Photo of the day - Flying Horse

Flying Horse - Without wings | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.63/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (8)

Not speaking...

Following an especially angry argument, Mr. and Mrs. Smith went to bed not speaking to each other. Needing to arise early the following morning, Mr. Smith left a note on his wife's bedside table that said "Wake me at six."

An exasperated Mr. Smith awoke at ten the following morning and rolled stiffly out of bed to see a note on his bedside table: "It's six, you bum! Get out of bed!"

#joke
  • Currently 6.08/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (12)

Knock Knock Collection 165


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Sinatra!
Sinatra who?
Sinatra be a law!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Sinbad!
Sinbad who?
Sinbad and you'll never get to heaven!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Sizzle!
Sizzle who?
Sizzle hurt me more than it will hurt you!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Soda!
Soda who?
Soda you!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Sofia!
Sofia who?
Sofia me, I'm hungry!

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 6.40/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (5)

Converting for $500

Two old Jewish guys are walking down the street. They pass a

church. A sign on the church says "Convert with us, and we

pay you $500."

One of the guys says to his friend, "I could sure use the

money. I'll go for it."

His friend declines, and goes off.

The first guy sees the priest and asks about this offer.

"Yes," the priest says, "Take our conversion classes. At the

end of the classes, you convert, and we pay you $500."

The Jewish guy agrees, goes through the process, and gets

his $500.

Weeks later, he sees his old buddy. "How're you doing?" asks

his friend. "Did you convert?"

"Yes, yes," says the converted Jew.

"And? Did you get your five hundred dollars?"

The converted Jew stares at his old friend. "Money, money,

money," he sneers, "is that all you people think about?"

#joke
  • Currently 7.33/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (9)

Adding Blonde

Q: Why couldn't the blonde add 10 and seven on a calculator?
A: She couldn't find the 10 key.

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (9)

Sister in law

I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.

My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!

There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when quite near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome.

She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word.

She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.

I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car.

My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

The moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car!

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 10 September 2012
  • Currently 7.80/10

Rating: 7.8/10 (66)

Chuck Norris once went skydivi...

Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 10 September 2011
  • Currently 3.31/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (54)

How Can You Tell When a Blonde Has Been By Your Computer?

Q: How can you tell when a blonde been by your computer?

A: There is cheese by the mouse.

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 10 September 2013
  • Currently 3.95/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (44)

Kurt Braunohler: Slept Like a Baby

Slept like a baby last night. I woke up every two hours screaming in the dark and then I sh*t my pants and almost died for, like, no reason whatsoever.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 10 September 2012
  • Currently 4.13/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (31)

Top Ten Questions I Would Have Asked Monica Lewinsky

10. "Are you as completely sick of yourself as the rest of

the planet?"

9. "Technically, I'm President of the Late Show -- is that

anything?"

8. "Can Vernon Jordan help me get my old job back at NBC?"

7. "Could you get Clinton to do something about those weird

Old Navy

commercials?"

6. "Did you ever have sex with the president while he was

talking to me?"

5. "Do you know how much easier you've made my job over the

last 14 months?"

4. "What's this about you possibly running for senator from

New York?"

3. "Where do you see yourself in 10 affairs?"

2. "Who will you be sleeping with in 2000 -- Gore or Bush?"

1. "Did you bring a clip?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 10 September 2011
  • Currently 4.18/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (22)

Friends

Friends who buy you food are friends for life.
#joke #short
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Shortest books

The Shortest Books Ever Written.

1000 Years of German Humor

Everything Men Know About Women

The Code of Ethics for Lawyers

Italian War Heroes

Who's who in Puerto Rico

Americans' Guide to Etiquette

Royal Family's Guide to Good Marriages

Safe Places to Travel in the USA

Jerry Garcia's Guide to Beating Drug Addiction

Contraception by Pope John Paul II

Career Opportunities for Liberal Arts Majors

Cooking Gourmet Dishes With Tofu

Gun Control for The New Millenium: NRA Handbook

#joke #lawyer
  • Currently 8.08/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (12)

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