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Jokes of the day for Monday, 09 February 2015

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 09 February 2015

“A South American ele

“A South American element in 'The Princess Bride'? Incan-ceivable!”

#joke #short
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Emma: "So I went to see this a

Emma: "So I went to see this acupuncturist."
Lucy: "Really? What for?"
Emma: "To help with my craving for cakes."
Lucy: "Did it work?"
Emma: "Absolutely -- she stuck needles in the cakes so I couldn't eat them."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

SLIDESHOW #36 - Funny Photo Slideshow

What happend here???

A guy comes home in the middle of the day, finds his wife standing in the middle of their deluxe apartment wearing a red G-string, high heels, and the whole apartment is flooded.

"What happened here?" he asks.

"I think the waterbed busted," says the trembling wife.

Just then a guy floats by.

"Who's that?" demands the husband.

"I dunno. Must be a lifeguard."

  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (8)

Funny video of the day - Truck with no reverse? No problem.

Truck with no reverse? No problem. - Mark Brazell, aka Youtuber hexdude24, has car a with a busted transmission and he didn’t have the money to repair it right away. - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

 Knock Knock Collection 202

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Zippy who?
Mrs Zippy!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Zizi who?
Zizi when you know how!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Zone who?
Zone shadow scares him!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Zookeeper who?
Zookeeper away from me!

Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Funny Photo of the day - Mug bell

Mug bell - Stay away, I need cofee | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Q: What do you call cheese th

Q: What do you call cheese that's not yours?
A: Nacho cheese!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Mama so stupid!

Your Mama is so stupid, she sits on the Television and watches the sofa.

#joke #short
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

E.T.'s Eyes Wide Shut

Q: Why are E.T.'s eyes so big?

A: He saw the phone bill.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Q: Why does Humpty Dumpty love

Q: Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn?
A: Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

>Bob Geldof is expert on famine

Bob Geldof ... no wonder he's such an expert on famine, he has been dining out on I Don't Like Mondays for thirty years.

Russell Brand (June 4 1975-)

Picture: Getty

#joke #short #monday
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Got used to sharing everything

An old man ordered one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink. He then unwrapped the burger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.

He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.

He took a sip of the drink, and then his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them.

As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them kept looking over and whispering. You could tell they were thinking: "That poor old couple -- all they can afford is one meal for the two of them."

As the man began to eat his fries, a young man came to the table. He politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said they were just fine -- they were used to sharing everything.

The surrounding people noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.

Again the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time, the old woman said: "No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything."

As the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady, who had yet to eat a single bite of food, and asked: "What is it you are waiting for?"

lobster eaters

She answered: "The teeth."

  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

For a computer programming cla

For a computer programming class, I sat directly across from someone,and our computers were facing away from each other. A few minutes intothe class, she got up to leave the room. I reached between ourcomputers and switched the inputs for the keyboards. She came back andstarted typing and immediately got a distressed look on her face. Shecalled the teacher over and explained that no matter what she typed,nothing would happen.
The teacher tried everything. By this time I was hiding behind mymonitor and quaking red-faced. I started to type, "Leave me alone!"
They both jumped back, silenced. "Whaa??" the teacher blubbered.
Then I typed, "I said leave me alone!"
The kid got really upset. "Ididn't do anything to it, I swear!" It was all I could do to keepfrom laughing out loud. The conversation between them and HAL 2000went on for an amazing five minutes.
Me: "Don't touch me!"
Her: "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hit your keys that hard."
Me: "Who do you think you are anyway?!" Etc.
Finally, I couldn't contain myself any longer and fell out of mychair laughing. After they had realised what I had done, they bothturned beet red. Funny, I never got more than a C- in that class.
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 6.71/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

A woman goes into a sporting g...

A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle.
"It`s for my husband," she tells the clerk.
"Did he tell you what gauge to get?" asked the clerk.
"Are you kidding?" she says. "He doesn`t even know that I`m going to shoot him!"
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 09 February 2009
  • Currently 7.54/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (39)

Knock Knock Collection 143

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Othello who?
Othello you thalked to me!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Otis who?
Otis a sin to tell a lie!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ottawa who?
Ottawa know you're telling the truth?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Owen who?
Owen you open this door, I'm going to give you such a roasting!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Owl who?
Owl Aboard!

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 09 February 2009
  • Currently 3.08/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (26)

husband, while on a business t...

husband, while on a business trip to a hill station sent a telegram to his wife "I wish you were here." The message received by the wife was "I wish you were her."
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 09 February 2010
  • Currently 5.04/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (25)

I was visiting my daughter las...

I was visiting my daughter last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.

"This is the 21st century," she said. "We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, use my iPad.".

I can tell you this... That fly never knew what hit him!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.70/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (10)

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