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Jokes of the day for Monday, 12 October 2015

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 12 October 2015

Speeding Ticket

Cop pulls over a car with a couple in it.

"What's the problem officer?"

"Sir, you were going 68 in a 50-zone."

"What, that's ridiculous! I did no such thing!"

"Sir, I caught you with my radar gun, and it's always accurate, but I’ll give you some leeway and reduce it to 62.

"Well, not this time, asshole. I know I was doing 54! I'll take it to court, you son of a bitch!" The cop hands the man the ticket, and he rips it up.

"Sir, I'm going to have to insist you calm down, or I'll put you under arrest."

Suddenly, the wife interjects, "Mister, I wouldn't push it. There's no use arguing with him when he's drunk."

  • Currently 8.25/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (8)


#joke #short #monday
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 7.70/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (10)

SLIDESHOW #62 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Coach: What this team needs is

Coach: What this team needs is life!
Manager: Aw, coach, don't you think thirty days is enough?
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Funny video of the day - Best Videos of the Week 2 October 2015

Best Videos of the Week 2 October 2015 - This week we have the best way to open a beer, the craziest workouts and an actual whale. - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

I hate needles, they...

“I hate needles, they're the vein of my existence.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Funny Photo of the day - Chewie's Angels

Chewie's Angels - Take a look at the weird, wonderful side of San Diego Comic-Con. Photos Keith Plocek | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

It was only her second date wi

It was only her second date with a diehard baseball fan, and Sally was a little nervous. It was her fault they arrived at the ballpark a full hour after the game had started. Taking her seat, Sally glanced up at the scoreboard. It was a tight pitcher’s battle, bottom of the fifth, 0-0. “Look, John,” she exclaimed with relief, “we haven’t missed a thing.”
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

A young couple, just married...

A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they were undressing for bed, the husband -- who was a big burly man -- tossed his trousers to his bride and said, "Here, put these on."
She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I cant wear your trousers," she said.
"That's right, said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the man who wears the pants in this family."
With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on."
He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps. "Hell," he said. I cant get into your panties!"
She replied, "That's right, and that's the way its going to stay until your attitude changes."
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 8.21/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (53)

Smart kid

Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he said. "An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed.

"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out. "Matt's riding a new bike, and the Coopers are having sex."

Mom and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked.

"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.

  • Currently 8.66/10

Rating: 8.7/10 (44)

 West Virginia Crazy Law

  • If you wear a hat inside a theater, you may be fined.
  • Roadkill may be taken home for supper.
  • No children may attend school with their breath smelling of "wild onions."
  • Doctors and dentists may not place a woman under anesthesia unless a third person is present.
  • It is illegal to snooze on a train.
  • According to the state constitution, it is unlawful for anyone to own a red or a black flag.
  • When a railroad passes within 1 mile of a community of 100 or more people in it, they must build a station and stop there regularly to pick up and drop off passengers.
  • Whistling underwater is prohibited.


  • One may not walk a lion, tiger or leopard, even on a leash.

    Nicholas County

  • No member of the clergy is allowed to tell jokes or humorous stories from the pulpit during a church service.


  • Firemen may not whistle or flirt at any woman passing a firehouse.
  • It is legal to beat your wife so long as it is done in public on Sunday, on the courthouse steps.

    #joke #doctor
  • Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
    • Currently 8.75/10

    Rating: 8.8/10 (4)

    Jewish Personals

    Shul Gabbai, 36. I take out the Torah Saturday morning.

    Would like to take you out Saturday night. Please write.

    Couch potato latke, in search of the right applesauce. Let's

    try it for eight days. Who knows?

    Divorced Jewish man, seeks partner to attend shul with,

    light shabbos candles, celebrate holidays, build Sukkah

    together, attend brisses, bar mitzvahs. Religion not


    Orthodox woman with get, seeks man who got get, or can get

    get. Get it? I'll show you mine, if you show me yours.

    Sincere rabbinical student, 27. Enjoys Yom Kippur, Tisha

    B'av, Taanis Esther, Tzom Gedaliah, Asarah B'Teves, Shiva

    Asar B'Tammuz. Seeks companion for living life in the "fast"


    Yeshiva bochur, Torah scholar, long beard, payos. Seeks same

    in woman.

    Worried about in-law meddling? I'm an orphan! Write.

    Nice Jewish guy, 38. No skeletons. No baggage. No


    Female graduate student, studying kaballah, Zohar, exorcism

    of dybbuks, seeks mensch. No weirdos, please.

    Staunch Jewish feminist, wears tzitzis, seeking male who

    will accept my independence, although you probably will not.

    Oh, just forget it.

    Jewish businessman, 49, manufactures Sabbath candles,

    Chanukah candles, havdallah candles, Yahrzeit candles. Seeks


    Israeli professor, 41, with 18 years of teaching in my

    behind. Looking for American-born woman who speaks English

    very good.

    80-year-old bubbe, no assets, seeks handsome, virile Jewish

    male, under 35. Object matrimony. I can dream, can't I?

    I am a sensitive Jewish prince whom you can open your heart

    to. Share your innermost thoughts and deepest secrets.

    Confide in me. I'll understand your insecurities. No fatties,


    Jewish male, 34, very successful, smart, independent,

    self-made. Looking for girl whose father will hire me.

    Single Jewish woman, 29, into disco, mountain climbing,

    skiing, track and field. Has slight limp.

    Desperately seeking shmoozing! Retired senior citizen

    desires female companion 70+ for kvetching, kvelling, and

    krechtzing. Under 30 is also OK.

    • Currently 3.00/10

    Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

    My lesbian neighbors gave me a...

    My lesbian neighbors gave me a Rolex for my birthday. It's nice, but I think they misunderstood me when I said, "I wanna watch."
    #joke #short
    Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
    • Currently 5.33/10

    Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

    My Super Ex-Wife

    My ex-wife and I could not reconcile our marriage because of religious differences.
    She thought she was God.
    I disagreed.
    #joke #short
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 23 May 2015
    • Currently 8.73/10

    Rating: 8.7/10 (11)

    Nick Swardson: Vanna White

    I think that Vanna White got the best job ever. Is that not the best job? If I were a woman, I would want that job so bad. Like, thats her job! What a country -- she just turns letters. I turn letters, but only when they glow. Im not stupid.
    #joke #short
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 12 October 2010
    • Currently 3.51/10

    Rating: 3.5/10 (43)

    The Preacher and the Microphone

    The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as

    he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the

    mike cord as he went. Then he moved to one side, getting

    wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it


    After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third

    pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets

    loose, will he hurt us?"

    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 12 October 2010
    • Currently 6.78/10

    Rating: 6.8/10 (27)

    Who Is the Real Virgin?

    A ten-year-old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming knowledgeable about the Bible.
    But one day, she surprised her grandmother by asking, "Which virgin was the mother of Jesus? The Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?"

    #joke #short
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 12 October 2009
    • Currently 5.88/10

    Rating: 5.9/10 (16)

    The Baseball Playoffs are On!

    Sidney telephones Rabbi Levy. He says, "Rabbi, I know tonight is Yom Kippur, but tonight the Yankees are in the playoffs. Rabbi, I'm a life-long Yankees fan. I've got to watch the Yankees game on TV."Rabbi Levy replies, "Sidney, that's what video recorders are for." Sidney is surprised. "You mean I can tape Yom Kippur?"
    Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
    • Currently 8.92/10

    Rating: 8.9/10 (13)

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