Jokes of the day for Monday, 07 December 2015
Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 07 December 2015 |
An eminent psychologist was ca
An eminent psychologist was called to testify in court. A severe no nonsense professional, she sat down in the witness chair unaware that it's rear legs were set precariously on the back of the raised platform."Will you state your name?" asked the district attorney.
Tilting back in her chair she opened her mouth to answer, but instead catapulted head-over-heels backward and landed in a stack of exhibits and recording equipment.
Everyone watched in stunned silence as she extricated herself, rearranged her disheveled dress and hair and was reseated on the witness stand. The glare she directed at onlookers dared anyone to so much as smirk.
"Well, doctor," continued the district attorney without changing expression, "we could start with an easier question."
Knock Knock Collection 034
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Cello!
Cello who?
Cello dere!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Cereal!
Cereal who?
Cereal pleasure to meet you!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Chad!
Chad who?
Chad to make your acquaintance!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Cheese!
Cheese who?
Cheese a cute girl!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Cher!
Cher who?
Cher and share alike!
Bad Taste
A guy opens his packed lunch that his wife made for him that
morning. He takes a bite of the sandwich and immediately
spits it out cursing. Straight away he phones his wife
asking, "What was in that sandwich you gave me?"
"Why?" she asked.
"Because it was disgusting." he answers. "What was in it?"
"Crab Paste." she says.
"Well I have never had anything that tasted that awful
before. Where did you get it from?"
"The Pharmacy." she answers
Bob was in trouble. He forgot...
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday.I just had a call from a Chari...
I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world.I told them to buzz off!!!!!
Anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving!!
Two Boll Weevils
Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
The new minister's wife had a ...
The new minister's wife had a baby. The minister appealed to the congregation for a salary increase to cover the addition to the family.The congregation agreed that it was only fair, and approved it.When the next child arrived, the minister appealed again and the congregation approved again.
Several years and five children later, the congregation was a bit upset over the increasing expense. This turned into a rather loud meeting one night with the minister. Finally, the minister stood and shouted out,"Having children is an act of God!!"
An older man in the back stood and shouted back, "Rain and snow are acts of God, too, and we wear rubbers for them."
Chris Rock: Natural Causes
When you die at 72, no matter what you die of, its natural causes. Even if you get hit by a truck, its natural causes. Cause if you was younger, youd got out of the way.Bag
Saddam sent his son shopping to get some food.His son came back with the food on his head.
So Saddam says "Why have you got the shopping on your head?"
The son replies, "Because there is no Baghdad!"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
End of the earth
BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there?
Submitted by sai1ram
Edited by Curtis
OLD IS WHEN...
"OLD" IS WHEN - Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Pick one; I can't do both!""OLD" IS WHEN - Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
"OLD" IS WHEN - A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
"OLD" IS WHEN - Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
"OLD" IS WHEN - You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
"OLD" IS WHEN - You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
"OLD" IS WHEN - "Getting a little action" means you don't need to take any fiber today
"OLD" IS WHEN - "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
"OLD" IS WHEN - An "all nighter" means not getting up to use the bathroom.
"OLD" IS WHEN - You are not sure these are jokes.