Jokes of the day for Saturday, 23 January 2016
|Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 23 January 2016|
Wife and husband have bought cWife and husband have bought condoms with different flavors.
"Darling, I will turn off the light, put one on and you guess the flavor."
As soon as he turns off the light, she takes it in the mouth and says, "Gorgonzola!"
"Wait, it is not on yet."
Jon's working at the lumberyard, pushing a tree through the buzz saw, and accidentally shears off all ten of his fingers. He goes to the emergency room.
The doctor says, "Yuck! Well, give me the fingers, and I'll see what I can do."
Jon says, "I haven't got the fingers."
The doctor says, "What do you mean, you haven't got the fingers? It's 1998. We've got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put them back on and made you like new. Why didn't you bring the fingers?"
Jon says, "Well, heck, Doc, I couldn't pick 'em up."
Funny video of the day - Best Fails of the Week 3 January 2016
School Collection 02
Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour?
Pupil: Because it can't sit down!
A history joke
What was Camelot?
A place where people parked their camels!
A history joke
Who gave the Liberty Bell to Philadelphia?
Must have been a duck family
A duck family?
Didn't you say there was a quack in it!
An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren't the best teacher in the school
A math joke
Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4?
Pupil: That's not fair!
You answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one!
What Is This?A priest, a minister and a rabbi walk into a bar.
The bartender looks up and says, "What is this, a joke?"
The invention of the vacuum clThe invention of the vacuum cleaner led to rapid in dusty realization.
It was this little girl's firIt was this little girl's first day of schooland the teacher asked her what her name was andshe replied, "Happy Butt."
The teacher said, "Honey I don't think that's your name you needto go to the principal's office and get thisstraightened out." So she went to the principal'soffice and he asked, "What's your name?"
The little girl said, "Happy Butt."
The principal called the girl's mother to getthis straightened out once and for all. Aftergetting off the phone he looked at the littlegirl and said, "Honey, your name's is Gladys,not Happy Butt."
The girl then exclaimed, "Glad Ass, Happy Butt"what's the difference?
After 15 years of not having sex, an old couple finally decide that it's about time they did something about their sex life.
After much deliberation they decide to have a n*dist day, they will walk around the house all day with nothing on, and just see what happens.
The next day comes and they decide to have breakfast round the kitchen table without a scrap of clothing on.
After a little while the old lady turns to here husband and says, "By jove I think this is working, I'm getting really turned on!!"
They old man replies, "Well how do you mean love?"
His wife says, "Well I'm getting all hotâ¦.. my nipples are red hot!!!"
He replies, "Well I'm not bloody surprised woman! You've got one nipple in your coffee and the other in your porridge!"
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Q: Why is Cinderella still a vQ: Why is Cinderella still a virgin?
A: Because she runs away from all the balls.
Hearing people chewHearing people chew makes me want to punch them in the face.
“What do you find on
“What do you find on the floor of the mozzarella forest? Cheese sticks.”
More than anything, Bob wanted to be a cowpoke. Taking pity on him, a rancher decided to hire the lad and give him a chance.
"This," he said, showing him a rope, "is a lariat. We use it to catch cows."
"I see," said Bob, trying to seem knowledgeable as he examined the lariat. "And what do you use for bait?"
A man runs to the doctor and s...A man runs to the doctor and says: "Doctor, you've got to help me. My wife thinks she's a chicken!"
The doctor asks: How long was she had this condition?"
"Two years." replies the man.
"Then why did it take you so long to come and see me?" asked the doctor. The man shrugs his shoulders and replies: "We needed the eggs"
Coffee MakerThe newlywed Blonde went to the store to ask how to operate the new coffeemaker received as a wedding gift. The salesman carefully explained how everything worked; how to plug it in, set the timer, go to bed, and upon rising, the coffee is ready.
A few weeks later the goober was back in the store and the salesman asked her how she liked the coffee maker.
"Wonderful!" she replied, "But... it's just awfully inconvenient to have to go to bed every time I want to make a pot of coffee."
Passing A School BusThe following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
"Unlawful to Pass School Bus from Either Direction"
I guess that some people misunderstood that, because now it reads:
"Unlawful to Pass Stopped School Bus from Either Direction".