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Jokes of the day for Friday, 19 February 2016

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 19 February 2016

Who said English is easy?

Who said English is easy? Fill this blank with “Yes” or “No”.
#joke #short
  • Currently 8.47/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (15)

“With organic whiskey

“With organic whiskey, one may attain the stupornatural.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

SLIDESHOW #79 - Funny Photo Slideshow

The man charged into the jewel

The man charged into the jewelry shop, slammed his fists angrily on the showcase, removed a wristwatch from his pocket and shook it under the nose of the owner.
"You said this watch would last me a lifetime," he yelled.
"Yeah," admitted the owner. "But you looked pretty sick the day you bought it."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 4.14/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (7)

Funny video of the day - Bad Decisions compilation

Bad Decisions compilation - Sometimes people do whatever they want because they give absolutely no fcks. These people all had zero fcks to give and made some terrible decisions. - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

The Haircut

A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment: shave, shampoo, manicure and haircut, he placed the boy in the chair. Then he said, "I'm going to buy a green tie to wear for the parade. I'll be back in a few minutes."

When the boy's haircut was completed and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about you."

"That wasn't my daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, son, we're gonna get a free haircut'."

#joke
  • Currently 5.90/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (10)

Funny Photo of the day - Beer holding rod holder

Beer holding rod holder - The last rod holder you will ever need! | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 6.71/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

Q&A: Adam and Eve

Q: What time of day was Adam created?
A: Right before Eve.
Q: What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
A: “Your mother ate us out of house and home.”
This joke was reprinted from "Laugh Yourself Healthy" by Charles and Frances Hunter, with permission of Strang Communications. Copyright 2008. All rights reserved.
#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

OK, I'm the only female in a

OK, I'm the only female in a house full of guys. 4 sons and a hubby.Toilet seat is never down...etc.
SOOOOoooooooooo I'm the only one who would be using Femaleproducts.....correct?
A STRANGE thing was happening at my house. Tampons were disappearing. *Insert Twilight Zone theme here *
Ok....A few months ago I went to my cupboard to get out a tampon and therewas ONLY one left. I could have sworn I had just bought a box the monthbefore. So, I go back to the store, buy a new box and forget about it.
The next month (T.O.M) I go back to the cupboard.....and VOILA....there isonly ONE tampon left again. What's going on here? Gremlins??? I go to thestore and buy another box, and forget about it.
WELL.....I decided to clean out my two youngest sons closet and LOW andBEHOLD....at the bottom of their closet are the wrappers, applicators andthe tampons themselves.
I am starting to FREAK!!! Dear God, what are they doing with them??????
I get a hold of myself and tell myself that I am an adult and can handlethis, despite the bizarre thoughts running through my mind. I'm thinking,"Do I have enough money saved up in the bank for MAJOR THERAPY?"
I go to the top of the stairs and yell for my two youngest sons to "COMEHERE!!!!"
They march up the stairs and find me in their room staring into the bottomof their closet.
I said "What are you doing with THOSE? THOSE are MINE!"
My 12 year old looks like a deer caught in the headlights and is silent.
My 10 year old looks at me all innocent and says. "Well, Mom, we wereplaying with our G.I. Joes and stuff... and THOSE make really goodSCUD missiles... What do YOU use them for?"
"NEVER MIND!! GO PLAY!!!!"
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 5.44/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (9)

What Politicians Want

"Politicians are interested in people. Not that this is

always a virtue. Fleas are interested in dogs."

#joke #short
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Q: How do convicts get drugs w

Q: How do convicts get drugs while they're in prison?
A: Some asshole brings 'em in.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

A Dog With No Legs

Q. Where can you find a dog with no legs?
A. Where you left him.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.45/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (11)

Knock, Knock at the Convent

Did you hear the one about the man who opened a dry cleaning business next door to the convent?
He knocked on the door and asked the Mother Superior if she had any dirty habits.
This joke was reprinted from "The Book of Catholic Jokes" by Deacon Tom Sheridan, with permission of ACTA Publications. Copyright 2008. All rights reserved.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 19 February 2010
  • Currently 6.20/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (45)

A Greek and Italian were sitti...

A Greek and Italian were sitting in a Starbuck's one day discussing who had the superior culture.

Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, "Well we have the Parthenon."

Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum."

The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics."

The Italian, nodding agreement, says, "But we built the Roman Empire".

...and so on and on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion.

With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented sex!"

The Italian thinks for a couple of seconds and replies quietly,

"That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 19 February 2011
  • Currently 7.75/10

Rating: 7.8/10 (44)

The Hole

The construction foreman ordered one of his men to dig a hole 8 feet deep. But after the job was done, the boss returned and explained an error had been made and the hole wouldn't be needed. "Fill 'er up," he ordered the worker.

The worker did as he'd been told. But he ran into a problem. He couldn't get all the dirt packed back into the hole without leaving a mound on top. He went to the office and explained his problem.

"Honestly!" the foreman snorted. "The kind of help I get these days! There's obviously only one thing to do. You'll have to dig that hole deeper!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 19 February 2012
  • Currently 4.73/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (37)

Dog Track

A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head.
"I found a piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name 'Marylou' written on it," she said, furious. "You had better have an explanation."
"Calm down, honey," the man replied. "Remember last week when I was at the dog track? That was the name of the dog I bet on."'
The next morning, his wife snuck up on him and smacked him again.
"What was that for?" he complained.

At the Dogs (23)


"Your dog called last night."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 19 February 2014
  • Currently 7.16/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (32)

Jim Gaffigan: Gym Teacher Aspirations

You think when gym teachers are younger, theyre thinking, You know I want to teach, but I dont want to read?
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 19 February 2012
  • Currently 4.70/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (30)

Door To Door

Two salesmen were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their offer and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result-the door bounced back open.
Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the door,she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them said: “Ma’am, before you do that again you need to move your cat.”

#joke
  • Currently 8.22/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (18)

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