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Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 23 March 2016

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 23 March 2016

The boss was very exasperated

The boss was very exasperated with his new secretary. She ignored the telephone when it rang.
"You must answer the telephone," he told her irritably.
"All right," she replied, "but it seems so silly. Nine times out of ten, it's for you!"
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 3.17/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (6)

“I knew I had to pay

“I knew I had to pay the mobster the money I owed him. It was a matter of life or debt.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

SLIDESHOW #31 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Pierced Ears and Marriage

Q. Why are Jewish men with pierced ears well prepared for marriage?
A. Because they’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Joke shared by Beliefnet member BeliefnetSabee
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

Misproununciation?

President Clinton walks into a restaurant and is seated at one of the finest tables. A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a short skirt and legs that won't quit comes to his table.

"What would you like, Mr. President?" Clinton looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, and answers, "A quickie."

The waitress stomps off in total disgust.

After she regains her composure she returns and asks again: "What would you like, Mr. President?" Again Clinton thoroughly checks her out and again answers: "A quickie, please." This time her anger takesover, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding "SMACK!" and storms away.

A Secret Service agent, sitting at the next table, leans over and whispers, "Um, Mr. President, I think it's pronounced 'QUICHE'.

#joke
  • Currently 8.23/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (13)

 Answering Machine Message 162


Shhh! Don't talk, just listen! Meet me at the corner of Broad and Main and bring the girl. (CLICK)

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

The Rabbi's Confessional

A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to

leave the confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend

from across the street and asked him to cover for him. The

rabbi told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest

told him to come on over and he'd stay with him for a little

bit and show him what to do. The rabbi comes, and he and the

priest are in the

confessional.

In a few minutes, a woman comes in and says, "Father,

forgive me for I have sinned.

The priest asks, "What did you do?"

The woman says, "I committed adultery."

Priest: "How many times?"

Woman: "Three times."

Priest: "Say two Hail Marys, put $5 in the box, and go and

sin no more."

A few minutes later, a man enters the confessional. He

says, "Father, forgive me for I have sinned."

Priest: "What did you do?"

Man: "I committed adultery."

Priest: "How many times?"

Man: "Three times."

Priest: "Say two Hail Marys, put $5 in the box, and go and

sin no more."

The rabbi tells the priest that he thinks he's got it so the

priest leaves.

A few minutes later, another woman enters and says, "Father,

forgive me for I have sinned."

Rabbi: "What did you do?"

Woman: "I committed adultery."

Rabbi: "How many times?"

Woman: "Once."

Rabbi: "Go do it two more times. We have a special this

week, three for $5."

#joke
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Two antennas met on a roof, fe

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

I never said that

I never said that i would die if i didn't have coffee. I said other people would die.
#joke
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

A priest was preparing a man f...

A priest was preparing a man for his long journey into the night.
Whispering firmly, the priest said, "Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil."
The dying man said nothing.
The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing.
The priest asked, "Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?"
The dying man said, "Until I know where I'm heading, I don't think I ought to aggravate anybody."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 15 September 2015
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (8)

What do you call a person that...

What do you call a person that speaks 3 languages?
"Trilingual"
What do you call a person that speaks 2 languages?
"Bilingual"
What do you call a person that speaks 1 language?
"American"
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 23 March 2009
  • Currently 6.23/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (40)

Taxes

A Dutchman was explaining the red, white and blue Netherlands flag to an American.

"Our flag is symbolic of our taxes. We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bills, and blue after we pay them."

The American nodded. "It's the same in the USA only we see stars too!"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 23 March 2009
  • Currently 7.72/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (36)

The Twenty and the One

A well-worn one dollar bill and a similarly distressed twenty dollar bill arrived at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired. As they moved along the conveyor belt to be burned, they struck up a conversation.

The twenty dollar bill reminisced about its travels all over the county. "I've had a pretty good life," the twenty proclaimed. "Why I've been to Las Vegas and Atlantic City, the finest restaurants in New York, performances on Broadway, and even a cruise to the Caribbean.""Wow!" said the one dollar bill. "You've really had an exciting life!"

"So tell me," says the twenty, "where have you been throughout your lifetime?"
The one dollar bill replies, "Oh, I've been to the Methodist Church, the Baptist Church, the Lutheran Church ..."

The twenty dollar bill interrupts, "What's a church?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 23 March 2011
  • Currently 7.03/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (34)

Q&A: Why Was Moses Wicked?

Q. Why was Moses the most wicked man?
A. He broke all 10 Commandments at once.
Q. What animal could Noah not trust?
A. The cheetah.
Q. What kind of lights did Noah use on the ark?
A. Flood lights.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 23 March 2009
  • Currently 4.96/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (23)

During a dinner party, the hos...

During a dinner party, the hosts’ two little children entered the dinning room totally nude and walked slowly around the table. The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was happening and kept he conversation going. The guests cooperated and also continued as if nothing extraordinary was happening.
After going all the way around the room, the children left, and there was a moment of silence at the table, during which one child was heard to say, “You see, it is vanishing cream!”
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 23 March 2010
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (14)

Strippers are often infertile.

Strippers are often infertile. The men are nudered and the women insist on being well-spayed.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 4.14/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (7)

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