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Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 28 June 2016

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 28 June 2016

A man writing at the post offi

A man writing at the post office desk was approached by an older fellow with a post card in his hand. The old man said, "Sir, I'm sorry to bother you but could you address this post card for me? My arthritis is acting up today and I can't even hold a pen."
"Certainly sir," said the younger man, "I'd be glad to."
He wrote out the address and also agreed to write a short message and sign the card for the man. Finally, the younger man asked, "Now, is there anything else I can do for you?"
The old fellow thought about it for a moment and said, "Yes, at the end could you just add, 'P.S.: Please excuse the sloppy hand-writing.'"
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

What is a question with a d...

Q: What is a question with a different answer every time you're asked?
A: "What time is it?"
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 5.44/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (9)

SLIDESHOW #15 - Funny Photo Slideshow

“What do you call Bat

“What do you call Batman disguised as a pastry chef? The Crepe'd Crusader.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 1.80/10

Rating: 1.8/10 (5)

If you want to become a good m

If you want to become a good magician you ought to pocus on your craft.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 1.44/10

Rating: 1.4/10 (9)

Funny Photo of the day - Swimming In Giant 1,500 Gallon Coca-Cola Swimming Pool

Swimming In Giant 1,500 Gallon Coca-Cola Swimming Pool - TechRax decided to spend days and days with a buddy buying countless bottles of Coca Cola. Taking a Bath in a Giant 1,500 Gallon Coca-Cola Swimming Pool. | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (8)

An elderly couple was attendin...

An elderly couple was attending church services.
About halfway through she leans over and says to her husband, "I just silentlypassed gas - what do you think I should do?"
He replied, "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 8.42/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (26)

50/50

A young man watched as an elderly couple sat down to lunch at McDonald's. He noticed that they had ordered just one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the old gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, etc, until each had exactly half.

Then the old man poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife. The old man then began to eat, but his wife just sat watching him.

The young man felt sorry for them and asked "I'm sorry to intrude, but would you allow me to purchase another meal for your wife so that you don't have to split your food?"

The old gentleman said, "Oh, no, thank you. But you see, we've been married a long time, and everything has always been shared, 50/50."

The young man said, "Wow! That's commendable." He then turned to the wife and asked, "Aren't you going to eat your share?"

The wife replied "Not yet. It's his turn to use the teeth."

#joke
  • Currently 8.15/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (27)

Animated GIF - Monkey bully

Monkey bully - Monkey bully - link to page gif is posted initially.
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

 The Copy Machine Handout


In most offices, the photocopier is out of order every now and then. One copy repairman had answered question after question for the employees. Finally one day, he just smiled and handed them this sheet.
The copier is out of order!
Yes, we have called the service man.
Yes, he will be in today.
No, we cannot fix it.
No, we do not know how long it will take.
No, we do not know what caused it.
No, we do not know who broke it.
Yes, we are keeping it.
No, we do not know what you are going to do now.
Thank You

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

Get Your Ire Up

Three Englishmen were getting soused in a pub, when they spotted an Irishman sitting off in the corner. To have a little fun, one of them approached him.

"Did y'know that St. Patrick was a sissy?"

"Oh, no, I dinnae know that. Thank ye."

The man returned to his friends, complaining that it hadn't worked. The second decided to try.

"Did y'know that St. Patrick was a transvestite?"

"Oh, no, I dinnae know that. Thank ye."

The second man returned to his friends, amazed that it hadn't worked. The third man knew he had the solution.

"Did y'know that St. Patrick was an Englishman?"

"Oh, no. But that's what y'r friends hae been trying to tell me."

#joke
  • Currently 4.14/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (7)

Organic

My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market. I went and looked around and couldn't find any.
So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and said, "These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?"
"The produce guy looked at me and said, "No. You'll have to do that yourself."  

#joke
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (8)

Definitions....

ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.

CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS: The only creatures you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

GOSSIP: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.

HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.

INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.

SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.

TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES: Something other people have. You have character lines.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 28 June 2015
  • Currently 6.88/10

Rating: 6.9/10 (16)

Blonde Paint Job

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 04 October 2010
  • Currently 6.83/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (6)

He Knows

As we were putting out cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve, I accidentally dropped one. "No problem," I said, picking it up and dusting it off before placing it back on the plate.
"You can't do that," argued my four-year-old.
"Don't worry. Santa will never know."
He shot me a look. "So he knows if I've been bad or good, but he doesn't know if you dropped a cookie on the floor?"

#joke #christmas
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.25/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (8)

What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
- One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

Bright Idea

On the first day of third grade, Little Johnny's teacher was conducting a game to break the ice for the new students.

The appointed student was to describe their father's profession in five words. The rest of the class were challenged to guess what the work was, and the correct answer allowed them to be next in line.

Much to her dismay, she noticed that she had bad Little Johnny again this year. Hoping to avoid him at all costs, she first started the game with Little Suzy. Little Suzy walked to the front of the class, drew back her shoulders, and proudly announced, "My Daddy cuts people open."

Hands shot up all over the room, and the teacher noticed that Little Johnny was the only one who didn't raise his hand. Fatty Sims guessed correctly that her father was a surgeon, and took his turn. He stood in the front of the room and said, "My Daddy locks people up."

Again hands shot up.......all except for Little Johnny. The game went on all afternoon, until all but Little Johnny had a turn. The teacher asked, "Little Johnny, do you want the class to guess what your Daddy does?"

"Yeah" he said, and almost bounded up to the front of the room.

"My Daddy eats light bulbs."

The teacher was a bit taken aback by this and asked, "He eats light bulbs? Really? How do you know?"

"Well, Teach, every night I hear him tell Momma, "Cut out the light! I want to eat that thang!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 15 January 2010
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (39)

Tell The Whole Truth

Mr. Dewey was briefing his client, who was about to testify in his own defense.
"You must swear to tell the complete truth. Do you understand?"
The client replied that he did.
Then lawyer then asked, "Do you know what will happen if you don't tell the truth?"
The client looked back and said, "I imagine that our side will win."
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 06 April 2015
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (7)

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