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Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 06 July 2016

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 06 July 2016

A buyer was considering purcha...

A buyer was considering purchasing an aging thoroughbred but wanted a veterinarian's opinion of the horse before finalizing the deal.
When the vet had completed his examination the potential buyer asked, "Will I be able to race him?"
The veterinarian looked at the buyer, then at the horse.
"Sure," he replied, "And you'll probably win!"
#joke #animal #horse
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 7.33/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (12)

“She said she never s

“She said she never sat for the artist. The fact she is now being portrayed as a painted lady is a frame-up.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

Little Johnny and the math teacher...

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 4, 2, 28 and 44?"

Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO, and the Cartoon Network!"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 7.59/10

Rating: 7.6/10 (17)

Funny Photo of the day - Sign It's Too Freaking Cold Outside

Sign It's Too Freaking Cold Outside | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (7)

 Feel Better Now


Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well-deserved complaining and self- pitying.
She moaned to her mom and brother, "Nobody loves me ... the whole world hates me!"
Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked up at her and passed on this encouraging word: "That's not true, Mary. Some people don't even know you."

#joke #mother #mom
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (8)

the blonde and the b

there was a boy who liked a blonde and so one day he finally got the courage to ask her out. he said "would you go out with me?"

she looked confused and said "where we going?"

Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.20/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (10)

Difference between hypothetical and reality

A little boy goes up to his father and asks: “Dad, what’s the difference between hypothetical and reality?”

The father replies, “Well son, I could give you the book definitions, but I feel it could be best to show you by example. Go upstairs and ask your mother if she’d have sex with the mailman for $500,000.”

The boy goes and asks his mother: “Mom, would you have sex with the mailman for $500,000?”

The mother replies, “Hell yes I would!”

The little boy returns to his father. “Dad, she said ‘Hell yes I would!’”

The father then says, “OK, now go and ask your older sister if she’d have sex with her principal for $500,000.”

The boy asks his sister, “Would you have sex with your principal for $500,000?”

The sister replies: “Hell yes I would!”

He returns to his father. “Dad, she said ‘Hell yes I would!’”

The father answers, “OK, son, here’s the deal: Hypothetically, we’re millionaires, but in reality, we’re just living with a couple of whores.”

Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 6.85/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (13)

I have opinions...

"I have opinions of my own --strong opinions-- but I don't always agree with them."
- George Bush, former U.S. President
"It is white."
- George W. Bush, when asked what the White house was like by a student in East London
"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight."
- George Gobel
"Solutions are not the answer."
- Richard Nixon, former U.S. President
"Hi I'm Dean White, Dick, of the college."
- Richard (Dick) White, Duke University academic Dean introducing himself at a faculty dinner
"Politics gives guys so much power that they tend to behave badly around women. And I hope I never get into that."
- Bill Clinton, former U.S. president
"You guys line up alphabetically by height."
- Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach
"The internet is a great way to get on the net."
- Bob Dole, Republican presidential candidate
"I would say that anything that is indecent and violent in TV is a crime against humanity and they should shoot the head man responsible."
- Ted Turner, Media Mogul
#joke #food #dinner #sport #football
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 01 April 2016
  • Currently 4.64/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (11)

Porn movies

Why do men like to watch porno movies backward?

They like the part where the hooker gives the money back.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 06 July 2011
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (50)

Price Check on Tampax

When Jane reached the checkout counter, she learned that one

of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when

the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the

store to hear, "Price check on Tampax, supersize please."

As if that was not bad enough, somebody at the rear of the

store misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "thumbtacks."

In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the

intercom, "Do you want the kind you push in with your thumb

or the kind you pound in with a hammer?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 06 July 2010
  • Currently 6.40/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (43)

Cat Jokes 03


Q: What looks like half a cat?
A: The other half!

Q: What was the name of the film about a killer lion that swam underwater?

A: 'Claws.'
Q: If a four-legged animal is a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped, What's a tiger?

A: A stri-ped!

Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep?

A: A stripey sweater!

Q: How does a lion greet the other animals in the field?

A: 'Pleased to eat you.'!

Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a snowman?

A: Frostbite!

Q: What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt?

A: 'Don't go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.'
Q: What is lion's favorite food?

A: Baked beings!


#joke #animal #cat #tiger #sheep #lion #zebra #food
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 06 July 2011
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (38)

It was the middle of the night...

It was the middle of the night. Suddenly there was a loud rapping on the doctor’s door, followed by a groan. The doctor angrily thrust his head out of the window. “WELL?” he shouted.
“No,” moaned the man. “Sick.”
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 06 July 2010
  • Currently 6.81/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (36)

Bill Hicks: Confusing L.A. Weather

L.A. is a very confusing place, only place I know where you can have, simultaneously, a drought and a flood. Every time you watch the weatherman, he goes, Rained all day, didnt help the drought. Back to you, Tom. I got news for you, folks. If water doesnt solve your drought, youre screwed.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 06 July 2010
  • Currently 4.27/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (30)

The Old Lawyer

Joe the lawyer died suddenly, at the age of 45. He got to the gates of Heaven, and the angel standing there said, "We've been waiting a long time for you."

What do you mean he replied, "I'm only 45, in the prime of my life. Why did I have to die now?"

"45? You're not 45, you're 82" replied the angel.

"Wait a minute. If you think I'm 82 then you have the wrong guy. I'm only 45. I can show you my birth certificate."

"Hold on. Let me go check" said the angel and disappeared inside. After a few minutes the angel returned.

"Sorry, but by our records you *are* 82. I checked all the hours you have billed your clients, and you have to be 82..."

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 7.27/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (15)

Funny Google

how come when i talk to girls on facebook they don't answer me back
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (8)

Eating Out

This married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife looks over at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken stupor.
The husband asks "I notice you've been watching that man for some time now. Do you know him?"
"Yes" she replies. "He's my ex-husband and has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago."
"That's remarkable" the husband replies. "I wouldn't think anybody could celebrate that long."    

#joke #food #eating
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 9.44/10

Rating: 9.4/10 (9)

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