Join us on WhatsApp
Join us on Viber

Jokes of the day for Monday, 25 July 2016

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 25 July 2016

An elderly retired gentleman h...

An elderly retired gentleman had had severe hearing problems for some time.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the man to hear better than he had ever heard before.
One month later, the elderly man went back again to the doctor. The doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
The gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (9)

“A mother squid gave

“A mother squid gave birth and said, 'I had an inkling.'”

#joke #short
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

SLIDESHOW #20 - Funny Photo Slideshow

( 1 ) You got to find somebody

( 1 ) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff.Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you likesports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10 --
( 2 ) No person really decides before they grow up whothey're going to marry. God decides it all way before,and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kirsten, age 10 --
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
( 1 ) Twenty-three is the best age because you knowthe person FOREVER by then.-- Camille, age 10 --
( 2 ) No age is good to get married at. You got to bea fool to get married.
-- Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
( 1 ) Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE
( 1 ) Dates are for having fun, and people should usethem to get to know each other. Even boys havesomething to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)( 2 ) On the first date, they just tell each otherlies and that usually gets them interested enough togo for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10 (wise beyond his years)
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATETHAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
( 1 ) I'd run home and play dead. The next day I wouldcall all the newspapers and make sure they wrote aboutme in all the dead columns.
-- Craig, age 9
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
( 1 ) When they're rich
-- Pam, age 7
( 2 ) The law says you have to be eighteen, so Iwouldn't want to mess with that.
-- Curt, age 7
( 3 ) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone,then you should marry them and have kids with them.It's the right thing to do.
-- Howard, age 8 (this one has very good morals!)
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
( 1 ) I don't know which is better, but I'll tell youone thing. I'm never going to have sex with my wife. Idon't want to be all grossed out.
-- Theodore, age 8
( 2 ) It's better for girls to be single but not forboys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)
HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENTIF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
( 1 ) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain,wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8
And the #1 Favorite is........
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
( 1 ) Tell your wife that she looks pretty,even if she looks like a truck.
-- Ricky, age 10
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

A close shave

A man enters a barber shop for a shave.

While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problem he has getting a close shave around his cheeks.

"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."

The client places the ball in his mouth and proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced.

After a few strokes, the client asks in garbled speech "And what if I swallow it?"

"No problem" says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does!"

#joke
  • Currently 5.14/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (14)

Funny Photo of the day - Black Pearl, a Custom Motorcycle Powered by a Steam Engine

Black Pearl, a Custom Motorcycle Powered by a Steam Engine - Revatu Customs unveileda Black Pearl, a motorcycle powered by a functioning steam engine. It actually works like a steam train, with the rear wheel driven by a huge crankshaft. | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (9)

 A Very Happy Psychic


I am not a believer in seances, but I went to one just to see what they are like. The psychic was doing his thing and grinning from ear to ear. I assumed his merriment was due to the fact that he was fooling a gullible public and gave him a poke in the nose. You can probably guess the rest. I was arrested for striking a happy medium.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.44/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (9)

New Gorilla in Bar

A black man enters a bar with his gorilla. He says to the bartender, "I would like a beer, and a gin and tonic for my girlfriend here."

The bartender looks at him like he's nuts and says, " I sorry but I don't serve Gorillas in this bar."

The man has an idea. He takes his girlfriend home and shaves her head, gives her a wig, dress, and makeup. Then he returns to the same bar. He places the same order and this time the bar tender gives it to them.

They go and sit in a corner while the bartender turns to his friend and says, "Damn! Did you ever notice how all the good looking Iraqi ladies that come in here, always seem to be with black men.

#joke #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 25 July 2010
  • Currently 3.08/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (85)

Animated GIF - Don't Spray Me

Don't Spray Me - Don't Spray Me - link to page gif is posted initially.
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

A fellow bought a new Mercedes...

A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100.... Then the reality of the situation hit him. "What am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. "It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."
The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"
"Have a nice weekend," said the officer.
#joke #friday
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 25 July 2010
  • Currently 8.57/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (44)

In A Bad Nursing Home


The Top Signs You're In A Bad Nursing Home

  1. Its named Heaven's Waiting Room.
  2. Cheap TV antenna can't pick up Xena: Warrior Princess.
  3. Defibrilator doubles as a remote control.
  4. Its named Matlock Manor.
  5. No furniture in it outside of beds and lots of caskets.
  6. Radio stations alternate between Glenn Miller and broadcasting Last Rites in every language known to man.
  7. You can't ring a nurse but you can page the attorney's office down the hall.
  8. Rectal thermometers made of wood.
  9. Two words: Community Bedpan.


#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 25 July 2011
  • Currently 2.50/10

Rating: 2.5/10 (38)

Why God Created Eve

10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost

in the Garden.

9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to

locate and hand him the remote.

8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new

fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to

buy one for him.

7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor's,

dentist, or haircut appointment for himself.

6. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put the

garbage on the curb.

5. God knew if the world was to be populated, men would

never be able to

handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.

4. As the Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember

where he left his tools.

3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on

when God caught him hiding in the garden.

2. As the Bible says, It is not good for man to be alone!

And finally, the Number 1 reason why God created Eve...

1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back,

scratched his head, and said, "I can do better than that."

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 25 July 2011
  • Currently 4.29/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (35)

Steve Byrne: Half-Korean, Half-Irish

Its weird when youre a mix. People just want to play detective with your face. Nine times out of 10, theyre polite: Where are you from? Im like, Pittsburgh. Theyre like, Pittsburgh, right. Seriously though, where are you from? Pittsburgh. Like Im from some mutant island south of the Philippines, the island of Half Asia. Its just me, Keanu Reeves and Tiger Woods on a beach all day playing volleyball.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 25 July 2010
  • Currently 3.34/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (32)

Q: Why don't blondes like to...

Q: Why don't blondes like to make Kool-Aid?
A: They can't fit 8 quarts of water in that tiny little packet.
#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 16 February 2016
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (9)

Burglar

"Get this." said the English bloke to his mates, "Last night while I was down the pub with you guys, a burglar broke into my house.
"Did he get anything?" his mates asked.
"Yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken nuts. The wife thought it was me coming home drunk."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 02 March 2014
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (16)

A Horoscope For The Workplace

Astrology tells us about you and your future simply by your birthday. The Chinese Zodiac uses the year of your birth. Demographics tell us what you like, dislike, whom you vote for, what you buy, and what you watch on TV. Well, the Corporate Zodiac goes a step further: simply by your job title, people will have you all figured out…

MARKETING: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing, which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales.

SALES: Laziest of all signs, often referred to as “marketing without a degree,” you are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact with “customers” so you can ” concentrate on the big picture.” You seek admiration for your golf game throughout your life.

TECHNOLOGY: Unable to control anything in your personal life, you are instead content to completely control everything that happens at your workplace. Often even YOU don't understand what you are saying, but who the heck can tell?! It is written that the geeks shall inherit the Earth.

ENGINEERING: One of only two signs that actually studied in school, it is said that ninety percent of all personal ads are placed by engineers. You can be happy with yourself: your office is typically full of all the latest “ergodynamic” gadgets.

ACCOUNTING: The only other sign that studied in school, you are mostly immune from office politics. You are the most feared person in the organization; combined with your extreme organizational traits, the majority of rumors concerning you say that you are completely insane.

HUMAN RESOURCES: Ironically, given your access to confidential information, you tend to be the biggest gossip within the organization. Possibly the only other person that does less work than marketing, you are unable to return any calls today because you have to get a haircut, have lunch, and mail a letter!

MIDDLE MANAGEMENT/DEPARTMENT MANAGEMENT/”TEAM LEADS”: Catty, cut-throat, yet completely spineless, you are destined to remain at your current job for the rest of your life. Unable to make a single decision you tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule for yourself. Best suited to marry other “Middle Managers,” as everyone in your social circle is a “Middle Manager.”

SENIOR MANAGEMENT: Catty, cut-throat, yet completely spineless, you are destined to remain at your current job for the rest of your life. Unable to make a single decision you tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule for yourself. Best suited to marry other “Senior Managers,” as everyone in your social circle is a “Senior Manager.”

CUSTOMER SERVICE: Bright, cheery, positive, you are a fifty-cent cab ride from taking your own life. As a child very few of you asked your parents for a little cubicle for your room and a headset so you could pretend to play “Customer Service.” Continually passed over for promotions, your best bet is to date your boss.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 28 August 2011
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (21)

Once upon a time there was a s...

Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the edge of a desert road. Suddenly a brand new Jeep Cherokee screeches to a halt next to him. The driver a young, a man dressed in a Brioni suit, Ceruti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses and a YSL tie, gets out and asks the shepherd, "If I guess how many sheep you have, would you give me one of them?"
The shepherd looks at the young man, then looks at the sheep, "All right."
The young man parks the car, connects his notebook to his cell phone, enters a NASA site, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with algorithms, then prints out a 150-page report on his high-tech mini-printer.
"You have exactly 1,586 sheep," he declares.
"That's correct," says the shepherd. "You may take the sheep."
The young man takes the sheep and puts it in the back of his car.
The shepherd asks, "If I guess your profession, will you return my sheep?"
"Why not?" answers the young man.
"You're a Consultant," declares the shepherd confidently.
"That's amazing! How did you guess so quickly and easily?" asks the man.
"Very simple," replies the shepherd. "First you came here without being called. Secondly, you charge me to tell me something I already knew. And thirdly, you do not understand anything about what I do. And lastly you took my sheepdog..."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 8.55/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (22)

A gentleman is preparing to bo...

A gentleman is preparing to board a plane, when he hears that the Pope is on the same flight. “This is exciting,” thinks the gentleman. “Perhaps I'll be able to see him in person.” Imagine his surprise when the Pope sits down in the seat next to him. Shortly after take-off, the Pope begins a crossword puzzle. Almost immediately, the Pope turns to the gentleman and says, “Excuse me, but do you know a four letter word referring to a woman that ends in ‘unt?’” Only one word leaps to mind. “My goodness,” thinks the gentleman, “I can't tell the Pope that. There must be another word.” The gentleman thinks for quite a while, and then it hits him. Turning to the Pope, the gentleman says, “I think the word you're looking for is ‘aunt.’” “Of course,” says the Pope. “Do you have an eraser?”
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 14 May 2015
  • Currently 8.25/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (8)

Jokes Archive

NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.