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Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 06 February 2018

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 06 February 2018

The Important Of Moaning

Morris comes home to find his wife, Sadie, crying.
“I found out from the neighbors that you’ve been having an affair with that cheap secretary in your office! Why would you do that to me? Haven’t I always been a good wife? I’ve cooked for you, raised your children, and I’ve always been by your side for thirty-five years. What haven’t I done to make you happy?”
Embarrassed, Morris confesses, “It’s true, Sadie, you’ve been the best wife a man could hope for. You make me happy in all ways but one. You don’t moan when we make love!”
Sadie questions: “If I moaned when we had sex, you’d stop running around?! All right, come to the bedroom so I can show you that I, too, can moan!”
So they retire to the bedroom, get undressed, and climb beneath the sheets. As they begin to kiss, Sadie asks, “Now, Morris, should I moan now?”
“No, not yet.”
Morris begins fondling Sadie. “What about now, Morris? Should I moan now?”
“No, I’ll tell you when!”
He climbs on top of Sadie and begins to have intercourse.
“Is it time for me to moan, Morris?”
“Wait, I’ll tell you when.”
Moments later, in the heat of passion, Morris yells “Now, Sadie, moan! MOAN!”
“OY! OY!” Moans Sadie. “You wouldn’t BELIEVE what a day I’ve had!”

#joke
Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 1.67/10

Rating: 1.7/10 (6)

 Purchasing The Brain


A client of a hospital where they made brain transplantations asked about the prices.
The doctor said, "Well, this Ph.D. brain costs $10,000. This brain belonged to a NASA top scientist and costs $15,000. Here we have a policeman's brain as well. It costs $50,000."
The client asked, "What? How's that possible?"
The doctor replied, "You see, it's totally unused."

#joke #policeman #doctor
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (11)

SLIDESHOW #41 - Funny Photo Slideshow

“Why did the cook spi

“Why did the cook spill his soup? Because there was a leek in the pot.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 5.44/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (9)

Two Jewish businessmen meet in...

Two Jewish businessmen meet in a restaurant for a lunch suggested by one of them.
The first says, "I have a good deal for you. When I was in Florida, I went to the town where the circus stays during the winter. I happened to pick up an elephant. I could let you have it for a thousand dollars."
The other businessman sipped his martini and said, "What are you, crazy? What am I going to do with an elephant? I live in a condo. I barely have room for my furniture. I can't even squeeze in an end table. So I'm going to buy an elephant?"
The first businessman said, "I could let you have three of them for two grand."
"Oh," said the other, "now you're talking!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (8)

A man and his wife were workin

A man and his wife were working in their garden one day and the man looks over at his wife and says: "Your butt is getting really big, I mean really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue."
With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's bottom. "Yes, I was right, your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!!!" The woman chose to ignore her husband.
Later that night in bed, the husband is feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. "What's wrong?" he asks.
She answers: "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 22 February 2017
  • Currently 6.58/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (12)

Blind Man

Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy."
The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus ... so shut up."  

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 06 February 2017
  • Currently 8.67/10

Rating: 8.7/10 (58)

Fear of Flying

There was a religious woman who had to do a lot of traveling for her business. Flying made her very nervous, so she always took her Bible along with her.
One time, she was sitting next to a man. When he saw her pull out her Bible, he gave a little chuckle and smirk and went back to what he was doing.
After awhile, he turned to her and asked, "You don't really believe all that stuff in there do you?"
The woman replied, "Of course I do. It is the Bible."
He said, "Well, what about that guy that was swallowed by that whale?"
She replied, "Oh, Jonah. Yes, I believe that, it is in the Bible."
He asked, "Well, how do you suppose he survived all that time inside the whale?"
The woman said, "Well, I don't really know. I guess when I get to heaven, I will ask him."
"What if he isn't in heaven?" the man asked sarcastically.
"Then you can ask him," replied the woman.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 06 February 2009
  • Currently 6.72/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (43)

Adopted Turtle

Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground.
The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate.
“Dear,” she chirped, “I think it's time to tell him he's adopted.”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 06 February 2014
  • Currently 7.43/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (42)

The Ultimate Computer

The Ultimate Computer stood at the end of the Ultimate Computer Company's production line. At which point the guided tour eventually arrived.
The salesman stepped forward to give his prepared demo. 'This,' he said, 'is the Ultimate Computer. It will give an intelligent answer to any question you may care to ask it.'
A smart-aleck who ran a humor mailing list stepped forward and asked, 'Where is my father?'
There was the soft hum of powerful electronic gear going to the task. Panel lights lit and blinked, and within a couple of seconds the laser printer printed out a piece of paper: 'Fishing off Florida.'
The smart-aleck laughed, 'Actually, my father is dead! It was a trick question.'
The salesman, quickly thinking on his feet, replied that he was sorry the answer was unsatisfactory, but as the Ultimate Computer was precise, perhaps a rewording of the question might work better.
The smart-aleck said to the Ultimate Computer, 'Where is my mother's husband?' Again, the hum of the powerful electronic brain filled the room.
After a moment, the laser printer whirred to life. The paper said, 'Dead. But your father is still fishing off Florida.'

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 06 February 2017
  • Currently 8.72/10

Rating: 8.7/10 (39)

Knock Knock Collection 142


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Oscar!
Oscar who?
Oscar a silly question, get a silly answer!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
O'Shea!
O'Shea who?
O'Shea that's a sad story!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Oslo!
Oslo who!
Oslo down, whats the hurry!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Oswald!
Oswald who?
Oswald my chewing gum!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Oswego!
Oswego who?
Oswego marching, marching home ...!

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 06 February 2009
  • Currently 4.04/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (24)

Growing Tomatoes

A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. One day, while taking a stroll, she came upon a gentleman neighbor who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes.

The woman asked the gentlemen,"What do you do to get your tomatoes so red?" The gentlemen responded, "Well, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden naked in my trench coat and flash them. My tomatoes turn red from blushing so much."
Well, the woman was so impressed; she decided to try doing the same thing to her tomato garden to see if it would work. So twice a day for two weeks she flashed her garden hoping for the best.
One day the gentleman was passing by and asked the woman, "By the way, how did you make out? Did your tomatoes turn red?"
No", she replied, "but my cucumbers are enormous."    

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 22 March 2017
  • Currently 8.86/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (44)

Did You Make A Donation?

At the United Way in a fairly small town a volunteer worker noticed that the most successful lawyer in the whole town hadn't made a contribution. This guy was making about $600,000 a year so the volunteer thought, "Why not call him up?"
He calls up the lawyer.
"Sir, according to our research you haven't made a contribution to the United Way, would you like to do so?"
The lawyer responds, "A contribution? Does your research show that I have an invalid mother who requires expensive surgery once a year just to stay alive?"
The worker is feeling a bit embarrassed and says, "Well, no sir, I'm..."
"Does your research show that my sister's husband was killed in a car accident? She has three kids and no means of support!"
The worker is feeling quite embarrassed at this point. "I'm terribly sorry..."
"Does your research show that my brother broke his neck on the job and now requires a full time nurse to have any kind of normal life?"
The worker is completely humiliated at this point. "I am sorry sir, please forgive me..."
"The gall of you people! I don't give them anything, so why should I give it to you!"
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 10 April 2011
  • Currently 6.28/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (39)

Yo mamma so stupid her passwor...

Yo mamma so stupid her password needed 8 characters, so she typed "Snow White and the 7 dwarfs."
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 14 October 2015
  • Currently 7.67/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (6)

Hipsters

Hipsters hate rivers...
Too mainstream.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

Cowabunga Jake

I rescued a cow from a slaughterhouse...
... I named them Jake from Steak Farm.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 6.58/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (12)

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