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Jokes of the day for Sunday, 08 April 2018

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 08 April 2018

The National Science Foundatio

The National Science Foundation announced the following study results on corporate America recreation preferences:
* Sport of choice for maintenance level employees: bowling.
* Sport of choice for front line workers: football.
* Sport of choice for supervisors: baseball.
* Sport of choice for middle management: tennis.
* Sport of choice for corporate officers: golf.
Conclusion: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls.
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Bibles to Boats

A young man from Nebraska moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The manager asks, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid replies, "Yeah, I was one of the best Bible salesman back in Omaha."The boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You can start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many customers bought something from you today?” The kid responds, "One."The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?""$101,237.65.""$101,237.65? Holy Mother Mary! What did you sell to him?""First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then, I sold him a medium fish hook. Then, I sold him a larger fish hook. Then, I sold him a new fishing rod. Then, I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him a twin engine Boston Whaler. Then, he said he didn't think his car would pull it, so I took him down to the automobile department and sold him a 4x4 truck with all the bells and whistles.""A guy came in here to buy a fish hook, and you sold him a boat and a truck?!""No, the guy came in here to buy feminine products for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot. You should go fishing.'"- Joke shared by Beliefnet member socaliflady
#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 8.75/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (4)

SLIDESHOW #31 - Funny Photo Slideshow

The Magic Miror

Three girls live together. Melissa is a born leader and smart. Kayla is very pretty and popular. Jessica is dumb. One day Melissa says to Kayla and Jessica," I think we should get a miror." Kayla and Jessica Agree. They go down to the trift shop and Melissa see's a beautiful miror with a goldon trim. All of the girls love the miror. Melissa goes up to the store keeper and asks to see the miror. The store keeper replies, "I can't sell you that miror. There is a curse that says if anyone says a lie while looking in it they will disapear for ever!" Melissa didn't belive in this and went up to the mirror and said," I think i have the pretties shoes in this store!" And POOF! She disaperes. Then Kayla goes up to the miror and says, " I think I have the pretties shirt in the whole world!" And POOF! She disapears! Then Jessica goes up to the mirror and says, "I think..." POOF! She disapears!
#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.17/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (6)

A President Visits an Elementary School

After delivering a speech at an elementary school, the president lets the kids ask a few questions. One little boy, Joe raises his hand and asks, “How come you invaded Iraq without the support of the United Nations?”
Just as the president begins to answer, the recess bell rings and he says they’ll continue afterward. 25 minutes later the kids come back to class.
“Where were we?” says the president. “Oh, yes… do you kids have any questions?”
Another boy raises his hand and says, “I have three questions: First, why did you invade Iraq without support from the U.N.? Second, why did the recess bell go off 30 minutes early? And third, where is my buddy Joe?”

#joke
Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 7.07/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (14)

What thrill ride doe...

“What thrill ride does a drink go on? A coaster!”

#joke #short
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (8)

A girl was visiting her blonde...

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'
'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs'!
#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 19 October 2016
  • Currently 8.29/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (45)

Visiting Grandma...

A grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson, who is coming to visit with his wife:

"You come to the front door of the apartment complex. I am in apartment 14T. There is a big panel at the door. With your elbow push button 14T. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow hit 14. When you get out I am on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell".

"Grandma, that sounds easy, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow"?

"You're coming empty handed"?

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 14 April 2015
  • Currently 9.13/10

Rating: 9.1/10 (16)

The children were lined up in ...

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 08 April 2009
  • Currently 8.03/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (35)

Clean St. Patrick's Day Jokes

An Irish priest and a Rabbi get into a car accident. They both get out of their cars and stumble over to the side of the road. The Rabbi says, "Oy vey! What a wreck!" The priest asks him, "Are you all right, Rabbi?" The Rabbi responds, "Just a little shaken." The priest pulls a flask of whiskey from his coat and says, "Here, drink some of this it will calm your nerves." The Rabbi takes the flask and drinks it down and says, "Well, what are we going to tell the police?" "Well," the priest says, "I don't know what your aft' to be tellin' them. But I'll be tellin' them I wasn't the one drinkin'."

Casey and Riley agreed to settle their dispute by a fight, and it was understood that whoever wanted to quit should say "Enough." Casey got Riley down and was hammering him unmercifully when Riley called out several times, "Enough!" As Casey paid no attention, but kept on administering punishment, a bystander said, "Why don't you let him up? Don't you hear him say that he's had enough?" "I do," says Casey, "but he's such a liar, you can't believe him.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 08 April 2012
  • Currently 4.65/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (31)

True Story

WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (actual AP headline) Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her inlaws, and while there, she went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.
Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car.
He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.
The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head.
A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid. And, yes, Linda is a blonde.
#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 08 April 2010
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (30)

Who gets the present....

The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present.

"Who is the most obedient?" he asked. "Who never talks back to Mother? Who does everything she says?"

Five small voices answered in union. "Okay, Dad. You get the toy."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 08 April 2009
  • Currently 4.61/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (23)

Buy a grade...

A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.

Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."

The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $64 change.

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Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 08 April 2016
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (16)

Ceiling Target

You know what really makes me throw up?
A dartboard on a ceiling.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.17/10

Rating: 9.2/10 (6)

Fighting for Business

The shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read BEST DEALS.
He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST PRICES.
The shopkeeper was panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop-it read…
Main entrance.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 18 May 2017
  • Currently 8.08/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (12)

A guy goes to the supermarket...

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.
She says hello. He's rather taken a back because he can't place where he knows her. So he says, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife, and he says, "Oh, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I did on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped me with wet celery?"
The woman looks sternly into his eyes and says very calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 15 November 2015
  • Currently 8.95/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (99)

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