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Jokes of the day for Saturday, 02 June 2018

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 02 June 2018

One day a brunette, a redhead...

One day a brunette, a redhead and a blonde decide to go through their daughter's purses.
So, the brunette goes through her daughter's purse and finds cigarettes. She says, "Oh my, I'm so ashamed! My Daughter smokes."
So, the redhead goes through her daughter's purse and finds an empty can of beer. She says, "Oh my, I'm so ashamed! My daughter drinks."
So, finally, it's the blondes turn and she finds a used condom. She says, "Oh my, I'm so ashamed! My daughter has a penis."
#joke #blonde #beer
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 6.07/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (15)

While attending a Marriage Sem...

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."
He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?"
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 8.85/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (20)

SLIDESHOW #5 - Funny Photo Slideshow

An Imam's Sad Announcement

An imam shocked his community when he announced that he was resigning from and moving to a drier climate. Afterwards, a very distraught lady came to the imam with tears in her eyes, "Oh, imam, we are going to miss you so much. We don't want you to leave!" The kind-hearted imam said, "Now, now, sister, don't carry on. The imam who takes my place might be even better than me.""Yeah," she replied, with a tone of disappointment in her voice, "that's what the last imam said, too."- Joke shared by Beliefnet member BeliefnetSabee
#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (7)

The storm chaser was...

“The storm chaser was so fascinated by tornadoes that he tended to get carried away.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

1st Grader Answers

A first-grade teacher had twenty-five students in her Clarkston, MI class.
She presented each child in her class the first half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb.
It’s hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you.
While reading, keep in mind that these are just 6-year-olds because the last one is classic… although sad to see it said!
#joke
Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 1.62/10

Rating: 1.6/10 (65)

 Mom Would Never Say


Things Mom Would Never Say

  1. "How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?"
  2. "Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too"
  3. "Just leave all the lights on ... it makes the house look more cheery"
  4. "Let me smell that shirt -- Yeah, it's good for another week"
  5. "Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day"
  6. "Well, if Timmy's mom says it's OK, that's good enough for me."
  7. "The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here."
  8. "I don't have a tissue with me ... just use your sleeve"
  9. "Don't bother wearing a jacket - the wind-chill is bound to improve"


#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 30 September 2015
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

Miracle mile

A priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

"Just water," says the priest. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 08 June 2015
  • Currently 8.77/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (26)

When ghosts go camping, they s...

When ghosts go camping, they sit around the fire and tell Chuck Norris stories.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 02 June 2012
  • Currently 5.16/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (58)

Behind every successful man, t...

Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 02 June 2011
  • Currently 3.67/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (58)

Can I take his place?

An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency.

An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor.

"So, what is it?" grumbled the governor.

"Judge Garber has just died" said the attorney, "and I want to take his place."

The governor replied: "Well, it's OK with me if it's OK with the undertaker."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 02 June 2011
  • Currently 8.46/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (54)

Women And Golf

2 women were playing golf. On the third hole there was a 4 men in front of them but about 175 yards down the fairway.
The first woman said i'll tee off he is far enough away. She hit the drive of her life, like a shot straight down the faraway. She screamed fore at the top of her lungs and as the men turned one was hit solidly. He was rolling on the ground in pain with his hands between his legs.
She ran to him, apologizing and saying "let me help I am a physical therapist." He protested but she got him to put his hands at his side. She unzipped his pants and began massaging him.
"How does that feel?" she asked. He said, "Great, but my thumb still hurts like hell."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 02 June 2015
  • Currently 8.91/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (46)

Really funny jokes- Classified classics

A compilation of hilarious classified classics!!!
** A superb and economical restaurant. Fine food, expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.
** No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent.
** Sale! Sale! An antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
** We don't tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
** Great chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
** Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
** Dinner Special - Turkey $2.75; Chicken or Beef $2.50; Children $2.00.
** Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 02 June 2012
  • Currently 6.22/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (23)

A young man wanted to purchase...

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetie for Valentine's Day. As they had not been dating very long, it was a very difficult decision. After careful consideration he decided a good gift would be a pair of gloves.
Accompanied by his sister, he went to the store and bought the gloves. His sister purchased a pair of panties at the same time.
The clerk carefully wrapped both items but in the process got them mixed up.
The sister was handed the gloves and the young man got the panties.
The young man mailed his Valentine's Day gift with the following note:
"This special Valentines Day gift was chosen because I noticed you are in the habit of not wearing any when we go out in the evenings.
If it had not been for my sister, I would have chosen the ones with buttons, but she prefers short ones that are much easier to remove.
"These are a lovely shade, the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and they looked quite lovely.
I wish I was there to put them on you for the first time; no doubt, other hands will come into contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.
When you take them off, remember to blow on them lightly before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.
Just think how many times I'll be kissing them in the future. I hope you'll wear them Friday night for me.
Love,
Honey Bear
P.S. The sales lady says the latest style is to wear them folded down with just a little fur showing.
#joke #friday
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 18 June 2017
  • Currently 8.22/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (18)

Going to Jamaica

A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section. The stewardess tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart and I have a good job. I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."

The stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the woman to leave and she says, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, and I have a good job. I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."

The stewardesses don't know what to do because they have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off, so they get the copilot. The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the copilot what he said to get her to move. The copilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica."

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 17 November 2014
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Duck Hunting

A city slicker shoots a duck out in the country. As he's retrieving it, a farmer walks up and stops him, claiming that since the duck is on his farm, it technically belongs to him. After minutes of arguing, the farmer proposes they settle the matter "country style."

"What's country style?" asks the city boy.

"Out here in the country," the farmer says: "when two fellers have a dispute, one feller kicks the other one in the balls as hard as he can. Then that feller, why, he kicks the first one as hard as he can. And so forth. Last man standin' wins the dispute."

Warily the city boy agrees and prepares himself. The farmer hauls off and kicks him in the groin with all his might. The city boy falls to the ground in the most intense pain he's ever felt, crying like a baby and rolling around on the ground. Finally he staggers to his feet and says: "All right, n-now it's–it's m-my turn."

The farmer grins: "Forget it, you win. Keep the duck."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 09 November 2014
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

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