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Jokes of the day for Sunday, 24 June 2018

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 24 June 2018

Two old men - Bert and Harry...

Two old men - Bert and Harry - were sitting quietly in a bar.
"When was the last time you made love to a woman?" Bert asked Harry.
"1945," replied Harry.
"My goodness!" exclaimed Bert. "That's a long time ago."
"Not really," said Harry, glancing at his watch. "It's only twenty past eight now."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (8)

 Technology Problems


One of my friends works in the customer service call center of a national pager company. He deals with the usual complaints regarding poor pager operation, as well as the occasional crank caller demanding to be paged less often, more often, or by more interesting people.
The best call came from a man who repeatedly complained that he keeps being paged by "Lucille." He was instructed that he would have to call her and tell her to stop paging him.
"She don't never leave no number, so I can't call her back," he said.
After three such calls, someone thought to ask how he knew it was Lucille if she didn't leave a number.
"She leaves her name," was the reply.
After establishing that the customer had a numericonly pager, the light bulb came on.
"How does she spell her name?" the service rep asked.
"L-O-W C-E-L-L"
Another problem solved.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 1.44/10

Rating: 1.4/10 (9)

A Lawyer Goes To Heaven

A lawyer dies in a car accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself at the Pearly Gates.
A brass band is playing, the angels are singing a beautiful hymn, there is a huge crowd cheering and shouting his name, and absolutely everyone wants to shake his hand.
Just when he thinks things can't possibly get any better, Saint Peter himself runs over, apologizes for not greeting him personally at the Pearly Gates, shakes his hand, and says, 'Congratulations son, we've been waiting a long time for you.'
Totally confused and a little embarrassed, the lawyer sheepishly looks at Saint Peter and says 'Saint Peter, I tried to lead a God-fearing life, I loved my family, I tried to obey the 10 Commandments, but congratulations for what? I honestly don't remember doing anything really special when I was alive.'
'Congratulations for what?' says Saint Peter, totally amazed at the man's modesty.
'We're celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 years old! God himself wants to see you!'
The lawyer is awestruck and can only look at Saint Peter with his mouth wide open.
When he regains his power of speech, he looks up at Saint Peter and says 'Saint Peter, I lived my life in the eternal hope that when I died I would be judged by God and be found to be worthy, but I only lived to be forty.'
'That's simply impossible son,' says Saint Peter. 'We've added up your time sheets.'

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

“A hangman works unde

“A hangman works under deadline!”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (8)

A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:

"My other car is a broomstick."
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 21 May 2018
  • Currently 2.86/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (7)

A frog goes into a bank and ap

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack."Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure . I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
#joke #animal #frog #elephant
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 02 October 2016
  • Currently 4.10/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (10)

Two girls....

Two girls were having coffee when one noticed that the other girl seemed troubled and asked her, "Is something bugging you? You look anxious."

"Well, my boyfriend just lost all his money and life savings in the stock market," she explained.

"Oh, that's too bad," the other girl sympathized. "I'm sure you're feeling sorry for him."

"Yeah, I am," she said. "He'll really miss me."

#joke #drinks #coffee
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 30 June 2015
  • Currently 7.72/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (18)

Every time an Indian walks int...

Every time an Indian walks into the chief's teepee he sees that the chief is masturbating. They finally realize this is a serious problem, so they fix him up with a nice woman, and she starts living with him in his teepee.

One day, one of the Indians walks into to chief's teepee and there's the chief masturbating again. He says, "Chief, what are you doing? We fix you up with a beautiful woman."

The chief says, "Her arm get tired."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 24 June 2010
  • Currently 4.42/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (64)

vampire lesbians

What did one lesbian vampire say to the other?. Same time next month?.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 24 June 2011
  • Currently 3.08/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (60)

Chuck Norris can win at solita...

Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 24 June 2011
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (55)

12- Pack

A father and his son go into the grocery store when they happen upon the condom aisle. The son asks his father why there are so many different boxes of condoms. The father replies, ''Well, you see that 3-pack? That's for when you're in high school. You have 2 for Friday night and 1 for Saturday night.'' The son then asks his father, ''What's the 6-pack for?'' The father replies, ''Well, that's for when you're in college. You have 2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night, and 2 for Sunday morning.'' Then the son asks his father what the 12-pack is for. The father replies, ''Well, that's for when you're married. You have one for January, one for February, one for March, one for.....''

#joke #friday
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 24 June 2010
  • Currently 6.64/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (50)

The strong young man at the co...

The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back." "You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "Let's see what you got." The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 24 June 2010
  • Currently 7.54/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (46)

Can new shock absorb...

“Can new shock absorbers make a car easier to control? Of course - it goes without swaying!”

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 08 February 2018
  • Currently 8.60/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (10)

A policeman sees a little girl...

A policeman sees a little girl riding her bike and says, “Did Santa get you that?" “Yes,” replies the little girl. “Well," says the policeman, "tell Santa to put a reflector light on it next year,” and fines her five dollars. The little girl looks up at the policeman and says, "Nice horse you’ve got there, did Santa bring you that?” The policeman chuckles and replies, “He sure did!" “Well,” says the little girl, “next year, tell Santa the d*ck goes under the horse and not on it."
#joke #policeman #animal #horse
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 09 December 2014
  • Currently 8.44/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (9)

Good friends

Good friends don't let you do stupid things….. Alone.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 08 June 2015
  • Currently 9.00/10

Rating: 9.0/10 (5)

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