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Jokes of the day for Saturday, 30 June 2018

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 30 June 2018

A blonde goes into the cleaner

A blonde goes into the cleaners and drops off a blouse to be dry cleaned.
As she's leaving the clerk says, "Come again."
The blonde stops and says, "No, it's mustard this time."
#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

All Bill asked for was a littl

All Bill asked for was a little good-night kiss, but Anne haughtily rebuffed him with, "I don't do that sort of thing on my first date!"
"Well," Bill replied with sarcasm, "how about on your last date?"
#joke #short
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 5.90/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (10)

SLIDESHOW #99 - Funny Photo Slideshow

 One Wish To Each


Three blondes were walking through the desert when they found a magic genie's lamp.
After rubbing the lamp to make the genie appear, he said, "I will grant three wishes, one for each of you."
The first said, "I wish I were smarter."
So, she became a redhead.
The second blonde said, "I wish I were smarter than she is."
She became a brunette.
The third blond ordered, "I wish I were smarter than both of them!"
So, she became a man.

#joke #blonde
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.44/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (9)

Five Jewish Men

Five Jewish men influenced the history of Western civilization. Moses said the law is everything. Jesus said love is everything. Marx said capital is everything. Freud said sex is everything. Einstein said everything is relative.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Emergency Landing

At 8 p.m. one night, a pilot who had run out of fuel made an emergency landing at a top-secret government base. He was quickly surrounded by security and taken inside to be interrogated. The interrogation was grueling because they wanted to make sure it was an unplanned landing and he was not a spy.
The interrogation lasted all night. At 6 a.m. they refueled his plane and let him go with his promise never to return. Four hours later he returned and landed again.
Security met him on the runway. They asked him why he had come back.
'I know I promised never to return but I brought my wife and now you have to tell her where I was all night...'

#joke
Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 7.91/10

Rating: 7.9/10 (11)

“In the deli, I learn

“In the deli, I learnt the finer aspics of making jello salad.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 2.86/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (7)

Dangerous food

A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water."

"But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"

A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said,

"Wedding cake."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 06 July 2015
  • Currently 8.44/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (9)

There were two buddies, one wi...

There were two buddies, one with a Doberman Pinscher and the other with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to his friend, "Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to eat."
The guy with the Chihuahua says, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."
The buddy with the Doberman Pinscher says, "Just follow my lead."
They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses and he starts to walk in. The bouncer at the door says, "Sorry, mac, no pets allowed."
The man with the Doberman Pinscher says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye-dog."
The bouncer says, "A Doberman Pinscher?"
He answers, "Yes, they're using them now; they're very good and protect me from robbers, too."
The man at the door says, "Come on in."
The buddy with the Chihuahua figures, "What the heck," so he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in.
Once again the bouncer says, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed."
The guy with the Chihuahua says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."
The bouncer at the door says, "A Chihuahua?"
The man with the Chihuahua says, "A Chihuahua?????? They gave me a Chihuahua?!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 30 June 2015
  • Currently 8.70/10

Rating: 8.7/10 (66)

If you can see Chuck Norris, h...

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 30 June 2011
  • Currently 2.92/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (48)

The very high health care costs

Health care costs are rising uncontrollably across the world. In America, taxes have been on the rise just to pay for them.

In England, they have begun rationing health care services and in some cases they have waiting lists for services just to reduce costs even more. In fact, they now have a nine month waiting list for abortions.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 30 June 2010
  • Currently 4.66/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (47)

A Collection Of Insults

A brief synopsis... When you're at a loss for words but want to tell someone that he or she is stupid, remember some these quips from our collection here at Aha! Jokes.


A few guppies short of an aquarium.
A few inches short of a foot/yard.
A few kernels short of an ear.
A few kopeks short of a ruble.
A few links shy of a chain.
A few measures short of a staff.
A few open splices.
A few peas short of a pod/casserole.
A few pickles short of a jar.
A few pies short of a holiday.
A few planes short of an Air Force / hangar.
A few points short of a polygon.
A few revisions behind.
A few sandwiches/apples/ants short of a picnic.
A few screws loose.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 30 June 2011
  • Currently 3.66/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (47)

Bill Burr: Rednecks to Afghanistan

Rednecks are like Americas pit bulls. They should just sedate those people, drop em off in Afghanistan, just let them run wild. Just be like, Dude, just go do everything you ever dreamed of doing. Just go crazy. Have one of your friends play the banjo -- itll scare the hell out of them.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 30 June 2011
  • Currently 4.05/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (42)

Anthony Jeselnik: Better Man

My girlfriend makes me want to be a better person -- so I can get a better girlfriend.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 13 April 2011
  • Currently 4.92/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (38)

If someone with multiple perso...

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to commit suicide, is that considered a hostage crisis?
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 06 March 2010
  • Currently 6.10/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (10)

Happy Monday! Check out new jokes!

I did my first nude painting yesterday.
The neighbors weren't happy but the front door looks great!

Man walks into an ancient Greek tailors with a pair of ripped trousers.
Tailor says, "Euripides?"
Man says, "Yeah. Eumenides?"

I asked my wife, "Do you know a three letter word for 'eggs'?"
Her: It's ova.
Me: Why? Is it because I'm terrible at crosswords?

If I'm reading their lips correctly …
My neighbors are arguing about some creepy guy next door.

I married my wife for her looks.
Though not the ones she been giving me lately.

My son wanted to know what it was like to be a parent.
So I woke him at 2am to tell him my sock came off.

English lesson…

Tsunami
T is silent

Psychology
P is silent

Knife
K is silent

Honest
H is silent

Wife
Husband is silent

#joke #monday #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 9.38/10

Rating: 9.4/10 (8)

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