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Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 25 September 2018

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 25 September 2018

A man walked into the bar and

A man walked into the bar and saw an old friend of his, drinking by himself. Approaching his friend, he commented, "You look awful. What's wrong?"
"My mother died in May and left me $15,000," the friend answered.
"Boy, that's tough," the man replied.
Continuing, the friend said, "Then in June, my dad died leaving me $50,000."
"Gosh, both parents gone in such a short period of time? No wonder you're depressed," said the man.
"Last month my aunt died and left me $10,000," the friend added.
"That's a lot to deal with. Losing three close family members in three months, is terrible!" replied the man.
"Then this month," continued the friend, "nothing! Not even a single dime!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 5.45/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (11)

The Other 2 Wishes – A Blonde Redneck Guy Story

A Blonde Redneck Guy finds a lamp. He rubs it and a Genie emerges. The Genie tells him he will be granted three wishes. The Guy thinks for a moment and says, 'First, give me a bottomless mug of beer.'
A mug of beer appears in his hand. He sips it once, then again and the mug is magically refilled. The Guy is thrilled and continues to drink. The mug never empties.
Then the Genie says, 'And what about your other two wishes?'
The guy thinks for a moment and says, 'Give me two more just like this one!'

#joke #blonde #beer
Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 4.56/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (34)

SLIDESHOW #11 - Funny Photo Slideshow

“A surgeon's income

“A surgeon's income is severance pay.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

 Business One-liners 94


Those most opposed to serving on committees are made chairmen.
Those who live closest arrive latest.
Those with the best advice offer no advice.
To achieve the impossible, one must think the absurd; to look where everyone else has looked, but to see what no one else has seen.
To attract maximum attention, it's hard to beat a good, big, dumb mistake.
To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
To err is human. To admit it is a blunder.
To err is human. To blame it on someone else is even more human.
To err is human. To blame it on someone else is politics.
To err is human. To forgive is simply not company policy.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

Who Is the Real Virgin?

A ten-year-old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming knowledgeable about the Bible. But one day, she surprised her grandmother by asking, "Which virgin was the mother of Jesus? The Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?"
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 3.67/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (15)

1. The bandage was wound aroun

1. The bandage was wound around the wound.
2. The farm was used to produce produce.
3. The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse.
4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7. Since there was no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10. I did not object to the object.
11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12. There was a row among the oarsmen on how to row.
13. They were too close to the door to close it.
14. The buck does funny things when does are present.
15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18. After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 12 July 2016
  • Currently 4.10/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (10)

Golf and Skydiving

What is the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?

A golfer says "whack....DAMN!" and a skydiver says " Damn ..... WHACK!!"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 01 October 2015
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

q: What do you get when you c...

q: What do you get when you cross an impressionist painter with a New York City cab driver?

A: You get Vincent Van Go Fuck Yourself.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 25 September 2008
  • Currently 4.37/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (68)

Hurt Bee Back

Q: How did the bee hurt his back?

A: He fell off his honey.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 25 September 2013
  • Currently 3.68/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (44)

As President Roosevelt said: "...

As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris."
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 25 September 2011
  • Currently 3.20/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (44)

Top 10 Mom Scoldings in the Bible

10. Sampson, get your hands off of that lion, you don't know where it's been!
9. David, I told you not to play in the house with that string! Go practice your harp. We pay good money for those lessons.
8. Abraham! Stop wandering around the countryside and get home for supper!
7. Shadrach, Meschach and Abendeco! I told you, never play with fire!
6. Cain! Get off your brother! You're going to kill him some day!
5. Noah, no you can' t help them. Don't bring home any strays.
4. Gideon! Have you been hiding in that wine press again? Look at my clothes.
3. James and John! No more burping at the dinner table, please. People are going to call you sons of thunder.
2. Judas! Have you been in my purse again?
1. Jesus! Close the door! You think you were born in a barn.
- Joke shared by Beliefnet member Jalus

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 25 September 2009
  • Currently 2.68/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (44)

Eight-year-old Sally brought h

Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good...mostly A's and a couple of B's.
However, her teacher had written across the bottom: "Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit."
Sally's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: "Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 25 September 2017
  • Currently 8.77/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (26)

You're trapped in a room w...

Q: You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A: Shoot the lawyer. Twice.
#joke #short #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 15 June 2015
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Working in The Garden

A prisioner in jail received a letter from his wife:
"I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"
The prisioner, knowing that the prison guards read all the mail, replied in a letter:
"Dear Wife, whatever you do, DO NOT touch the back garden! That is where I hid all the gold."
A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife:
"You wouldn't believe what happened. Some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up the whole back garden."
The prisoner wrote another letter:

"Dear wife, NOW is the best time to plant the lettuce!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 26 March 2014
  • Currently 7.30/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (10)

Ex-Girlfriend

A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sits alone at a nearby table.
The wife asks, "Do you know her?"
"Yes," sighs the husband, "she's my ex-girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" says the wife. "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"   

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 23 June 2015
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

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