Join us on
WhatsApp
Join us on
Telegram
Join us on
Viber

Jokes of the day for Sunday, 03 February 2019

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 03 February 2019

We have two test tubes here...

"We have two test tubes here," said the professor of IVF studies from Monash University. "They contain two carefully synthesized ingredients that we can now use to create human life. Solution A is a genetically engineered copy of all the ingredients in the female ovum, while Solution B replicates the active ingredients in male spermatozoa.
If I mix them in this aseptic glass container a new human life will be conceived. Now any questions?"
"Could you possibly give us a demonstration?" asked an awed member of the audience.
"I'm sorry, not tonight," said the professor, "Solution A has a headache."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 5.19/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (16)

School Collection 15

What did Noah do while spending time on the ark?
Fished, but he didn't catch much. He only had two worms!

Mother: What was the first thing you learned in class?
Daughter: How to talk without moving my lips!

What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
Toga-ether we can rule the world!

Teacher: What's big and yellow and comes in the morning to brighten a mothers day?
Pupil: The school bus!

What happened when the slave put his head into a lions mouth to count how many teeth he had?
The lion closed its mouth to see how many heads the slave had!

#joke #animal #lion #worm #mother
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

One does not select...

“One does not select a gun by rifling through the hunting section.”

Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 3.38/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (13)

An old man was relaxing at his

An old man was relaxing at his hundredth birthday party when a reporter went up to him. "Sir, what is the secret of your long life?"
The man considered this for a moment, then replied, "Every evening at 9 p.m. I have a glass of port. Good for the heart I've heard."
The reporter then asked, "That's ALL?"
The man smiled, "Well, canceling my voyage on Titanic sure didn't hurt."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 14 June 2017
  • Currently 3.58/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (19)

Grandma!

A little boy went to the store with his grandmother and on the way home, he was looking at the things she had purchased. He found a package of panty hose and began to sound out the words "QUEEN SIZE".

He then turned to his grandmother and exclaimed, "Look Granny, YOU wear the same size as our bed!"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 09 February 2016
  • Currently 6.88/10

Rating: 6.9/10 (16)

Rising to the Occasion

A bunch of girls had become upset at an anthropology

professor who had a knack of offending women. They decided

the next time he did something offensive, they would all

stand up and walk out of his class. Sure enough, at the very

next class meeting while discussing a tribe of African

natives. The professor leered and said, "You'll be

interested to know the average tribal warrior there has a

cock twelve inches long."

The girls all rose in a large mass and headed for the door.

The prof sneered and said, "What's your hurry, girls? The

next flight to there isn't until Saturday!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 03 February 2010
  • Currently 4.62/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (65)

The three wise men are out for...

The three wise men are out for a stroll when they come across a stable. The three of them decide to duck inside.

On the way in one of the wise men hits his head on the low entranceway.

"Jesus Christ!" he says.

Joseph says, "Quick, Mary, write that down! It's a hell of a lot better than Clyde!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 03 February 2010
  • Currently 3.88/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (58)

In light of the rising frequen...

In light of the rising frequency of human - grizzly bear conflicts, the Alaska Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert of bears while in the field. They advise that outdoorsmen wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears that aren't expecting them. They also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear. It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity. Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear dung. Black bear dung is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear dung has little bells in it and smells like pepper.
#joke #animal #bear #fish #food #pepper
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 03 February 2015
  • Currently 8.77/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (48)

Name the animals...

The first-grade teacher was showing pictures of animals to her students to see how many they could name. She held up a picture of a lamb, and a little girl said, "That's a sheep!"

"That's right!" said the teacher. "How about THIS one?" she said, holding up a picture of the king of beasts.

"That's a lion!" answered a little boy.

"Right!" said the teacher. Then she held up a picture of a deer. No one volunteered an answer. She tried to help. "What does your mother call your father?"

Johnny said, "I know! That's a lazy old goat!"

#joke #animal #sheep #goat #lion #deer #lamb #mother #father
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 03 February 2009
  • Currently 7.57/10

Rating: 7.6/10 (47)

Air & Sex

Q: Why is air a lot like sex?

A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 03 February 2015
  • Currently 6.82/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (44)

Harry under stress

Harry had been feeling sick lately and was finally convinced to see the Doctor after his wife Suzy's urging.
After a thorough examination, and much thought, the Doctor was ready to tell Harry and a very worried Suzy, his prognosis: Harry was too stressed out. He would need 6 months of pure relaxation.
Suzy, very agitated, took out her notepad to begin writing down his list of orders for these months of relaxation.
"How should I go about it?" asked Harry.
"OK," said the doctor, "I would like your wife to take one tranquilizer four times a day..."
#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 7.09/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (11)

Q. What do you call a polar be...

Q. What do you call a polar bear with ear muffs?
A. Anything you want, he can’t hear you!
#joke #short #animal #bear
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 26 November 2014
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

World Party Day joke

Today is World Party Day! Have a party!

A guy showed up at his friend's costume party carrying a woman on his back.
The host asked, "What on earth are you dressed as?" The guy replied, "I'm a snail."
The host, looking puzzled, said, "How can you be a snail when all you have is that woman on your back?"
The guy responded, "Oh, that's not just any woman, my friend, that's Michelle."

#joke #animal #snail
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

Steal From Lawyers

Jack and Mugs, two second-story men from Flatbush, were comparing notes on recent burglaries.
"Didja get anything on that last heist?" Jack asked.
"Nuttin' at all," Mugs admitted. "Toins out that the guy that lives there's a lawyer."
"Jeez, ain't that the breaks," his friend sympathized.
"Didja lose anything?"
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 20 October 2016
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (9)

Money Talks

They say money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 29 February 2016
  • Currently 6.44/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (9)

Jokes Archive

NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.