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Jokes of the day for Saturday, 09 February 2019

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 09 February 2019

A little old lady went to the

A little old lady went to the grocery store and put the most expensive cat food in her basket. She then went to the check out counter where she told the check out girl, "Nothing but the best for my little kitten."
The girl at the cash register said, "I'm sorry, but we cannot sell you cat food without proof that you have a cat. A lot of old people buy cat food to eat, and the management wants proof that you are buying the cat food for your cat."
The little old lady went home, picked up her cat and brought it back to the store. They sold her the cat food.
The next day, the old lady went to the store and bought 12 of the most expensive dog cookies - one for each day of Christmas. The cashier this time demanded proof that she now had a dog, claiming that old people sometimes eat dog food. Frustrated she went home, came back and brought in her dog. She was then given the dog cookies.
The next day she brought in a box with a hole in the lid. The little old lady asked the cashier to stick her finger in the hole. The cashier said, "No, you might have a snake in there." The little old lady assured her that there was nothing in the box that would bite her. So the cashier put her finger into the box and pulled it out and told the little old lady, "That smells like crap."
The little old lady grinned from ear to ear, "Now, my dear, can I please buy three rolls of toilet paper?"
Never fool around with a Little old lady!
#joke #christmas
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 1.57/10

Rating: 1.6/10 (7)

How Many Telemarketers

How many telemarketers does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but they have to do it while you're eating dinner.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

SLIDESHOW #5 - Funny Photo Slideshow

A man enters the hospital for

A man enters the hospital for a circumcision. When he comes to after the procedure, he's perturbed to see several doctors standing around his bed.
"Son, there's been a bit of a mix-up," admits the surgeon. "I'm afraid there was an accident, and we were forced to perform a sex-change operation. You now have a vagina instead of a penis."
"What?!" gasps the patient. "You mean I'll never experience another erection?"
"Oh, you might, " the surgeon reassures him. "Just not yours."
#joke #doctor
  • Currently 4.14/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (7)

A guy was on trial for murder...

A guy was on trial for murder and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.
The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.
After the trial, the brother went to the redneck's home, told him what a great job he had done and paid him the $10,000.
The redneck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all wanted to let him go.
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 8.25/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (8)

A copier is a shared...

“A copier is a shared berth.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 3.17/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (6)

 Knock Knock Collection 085


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Henrietta!
Henrietta who?
Henrietta toadstool but thought it was a mushroom!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Hepburn!
Hepburn who?
Hepburn and indigestion!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Herman!
Herman who?
Herman is handsome!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Hiawatha!
Hiawatha who?
Hiawatha very bad today!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Hiram!
Hiram who?
Hiram fine, how are you!

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 24 April 2016
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

I'm going to be a minister when I grow up.

After church on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided I'm going to be a minister when I grow up."

"That's okay with us," the mother said, "But what made you decide to be a minister?"

"Well," the boy replied, "I'll have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell than to sit still and listen."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 15 February 2016
  • Currently 8.44/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (9)

A woman goes into a sporting g...

A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle.
"It`s for my husband," she tells the clerk.
"Did he tell you what gauge to get?" asked the clerk.
"Are you kidding?" she says. "He doesn`t even know that I`m going to shoot him!"
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 09 February 2009
  • Currently 7.54/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (39)

A blonde, a brunette, and a re

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead show up for the same job interview. The brunette is the first one to go in, and after filling out the forms and going through the questions, the interviewer decides to ask her last question:
"How many D's are there in "INDIANA JONES""? The brunette thinks for a second and responds "One".
The interviewer sends her back with a promise that he'll get back to her after he had interviewed the remaining candidates.
The redhead is next. The process goes about the same, and at the end: "How many D's are there in INDIANA JONES"? She immediately says "One". The interviewer says, "OK, we'll let you know".
Then the blonde comes into the room, goes through the questions, and finally gets asked: "How many D's are there in INDIANA JONES". She gets a very serious look on her face and starts counting her fingers, muttering: "2, 4, 6 ...., hmmm - wait,... 2, 4, 6 .... can I borrow your calculator please?"
After going through 15 minutes of intense calculating, she finally comes up with the answer: "Thirty two"
The interviewer is stunned and asks her: "Ok, now tell me, how the hell did you arrive at this answer?"
She starts singing "Da Da Dah Dahhh Dah Dah Da Da Dah Dahh Dah Dah ..."
(The theme song for Indiana Jones)
#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 09 February 2016
  • Currently 2.81/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (32)

Knock Knock Collection 143


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Othello!
Othello who?
Othello you thalked to me!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Otis!
Otis who?
Otis a sin to tell a lie!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ottawa!
Ottawa who?
Ottawa know you're telling the truth?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Oewn!
Owen who?
Owen you open this door, I'm going to give you such a roasting!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Owl!
Owl who?
Owl Aboard!

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 09 February 2009
  • Currently 3.08/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (26)

husband, while on a business t...

husband, while on a business trip to a hill station sent a telegram to his wife "I wish you were here." The message received by the wife was "I wish you were her."
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 09 February 2010
  • Currently 5.04/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (25)

Grandma!

A little boy went to the store with his grandmother and on the way home, he was looking at the things she had purchased. He found a package of panty hose and began to sound out the words "QUEEN SIZE".

He then turned to his grandmother and exclaimed, "Look Granny, YOU wear the same size as our bed!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 09 February 2016
  • Currently 6.67/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (15)

Grab a tea

Grab a tea: what Isaac Newton did when he was thirsty.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 1.57/10

Rating: 1.6/10 (7)

You will spend eternity here...

The devil meets him at the gate and says, "Alright, you have died and come to hell. You will spend eternity here, but you get to choose how to spend it. You may choose one of these three doorways. Once you choose a door, you may not change it. So let's get started."

The devil opens Door One. The guy looks in and sees a couple of people standing on their heads on a Concrete floor. The guy says, "No way, let's move on."

The devil opens Door Two. The guy sees a few more people standing on their heads on a Wood floor. The guy says, "No way, let's move on."

The devil opens Door Three. The guy sees a bunch of people standing knee-deep in cow manure drinking coffee. The guy says, "Great, this is the one I will chose." The devil says, "OK, wait right here, I will get you some coffee."

The guy settles in with his coffee thinking that this isn't so bad. What's the big deal?

After about 10 minutes a voice comes over the loud speaker saying, "Coffee break's over. Back on your heads!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 12 February 2011
  • Currently 7.14/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (7)

>You know yo're getting old

You know yo're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.

George Burns (1896-1996)

Picture: REX FEATURES

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 01 February 2015
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

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