Join us on WhatsApp
Join us on Viber

Jokes of the day for Monday, 08 July 2019

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 08 July 2019

Photography of internal organs

“Is photography of internal organs the wave of the future, or just a flash in the pancreas?”

#joke #short #pun
  • Currently 1.25/10

Rating: 1.3/10 (16)

Son with just a head

A man and his wife had a son, but the baby didn't have a body, just a head. So the man and his wife raised the head.

On the boy's 21st birthday, the man took his son out for drinks. When the boy took his first sip, he grew a torso and the whole bar lit up. The bartender seemed absolutely disgusted and the boy's father was crying.

So he drunk some more and the more he drunk, the body parts that came out. The bar was cheering, the father was crying and the bartender was still disgusted. The boy got all of his body parts and picked up his last drink with his hands.

He was so drunk that he wobbled outside into the street, got hit with a 18 wheeler and died.

Everyone was in so much shock except the bartender, who then replied: "He should have quit while he was ahead."

#joke #pun
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 2.83/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (12)

SLIDESHOW #11 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Begin by standing on a comfort

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface , where you have plenty ofRoom at each side. With a 5-LB potato sack in each hand, extend your armsstraight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can.Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. Each day you'll find that youcan hold this position for just a bit longer.
After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-LB potato sacks. Then try50-LB potato sacks and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a100-LB potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I 'm at this level.)
After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each sack.
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 8.25/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (8)

The wedding...

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"

"Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life," her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple.

The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why's the groom wearing black?"

#joke
  • Currently 8.72/10

Rating: 8.7/10 (25)

 Question And Answer Blond Jokes


Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a blonde.
Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her.
Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
A: Shine a torch in her ears.
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
Q: Have you heard what my blond neighbor wrote on the bottom of her swimming pool?
A: No smoking.
Q: What does a blond do when someone says its chili outside?
A: She grabs a bowl.

#joke #blonde
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 6.17/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (6)

Past Relationships

I made a graph of all my past relationships...
It has an "ex" axis and a "why" axis.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (8)

Do Your Boobs?

One day this guy named Dan was sitting in class next to a really hot girl named Jen. He was a dork but had a huge chrush on Jen. Dan wanted to tell her about his chrush on her but didn't know how to. So he said "Are your boobs so hard that when you touch them your fingers start bleeding?"

Jen was totally grossed out and said in reply "I guess you've never seen boobs before" **The End**

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 08 July 2011
  • Currently 1.83/10

Rating: 1.8/10 (114)

First hand job

A guy has been asking the prettiest girl in town for a date and finally she agrees to go out with him.

He takes her to a nice restaurant and buys her a fancy dinner with expensive wine.

On the way home, he pulls over to the side of the road in a secluded spot.

They start necking and he's getting pretty excited. He starts to reach under her skirt and she stops him, saying she's a virgin and wants to stay that way.

"Well, okay," he says, "how about a blow job?"

"Yuck!" she screams. "I'm not putting that thing in my mouth!"

He says, "Well, then, how about a hand job?"

"I've never done that," she says. "What do I have to do?"

"Well," he answers, "remember when you were a kid and you used to shake up a Coke bottle and spray your brother with it?"

She nods.

"Well, it's just like that."

So, he pulls it out and she grabs hold of it and starts shaking it.

A few seconds later, his head flops back on the headrest, his eyes close, snot starts to run out of his nose, wax blows out of his ear and he screams out in pain.

"What's wrong?!" she cries out.

"Take your thumb off the end!!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 08 July 2012
  • Currently 3.33/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (60)

Hamburger

A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him. He takes a bite out of it, and notices there's a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress, "Waitress, there's a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what is going on!"
So, the waitress takes him back where the cook is and to his demise, he sees the cook take the meat patty and flatten it under his arm pit. He says, "That's disgusting!"
Then the waitress says, "You think that's disgusting you should see him make donuts."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 08 July 2013
  • Currently 3.92/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (48)

Chuck Norris' favourite cut of...

Chuck Norris' favourite cut of meat is the roundhouse.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 08 July 2011
  • Currently 2.91/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (46)

Ben Bailey: Slow People in the Subway

The thing I hate the most about the subway is every time I get off the train and Im trying to get out of the station and back up to the street, I end up getting stuck behind these really slow people on the stairs. It happens to me every time I take the subway. Its been happening to me for years. And my question is this: how the hell do they keep beating me to the stairway?
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 08 July 2011
  • Currently 6.23/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (44)

Marriage Certificate

Wife: "What are you doing?"
Husband: "Nothing."
Wife: "Nothing? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour."
Husband: "I was looking for the expiration date."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 08 February 2019
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (7)

A Doctor while examining a...

A Doctor while examining an old retired Army vet, "when was the last time you had sex?"
With a long pause the vet replies: "1955 I believe."
Doctor: "Whoa! Its been a long while then?"
Vet: Its only 20:15 right now?

#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 09 April 2019
  • Currently 8.81/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (42)

Wish granted???

A couple had been married for 35 years, and the pair was also celebrating their 60th birthdays. During the celebration, a fairy godmother appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them each one wish.

The wife said she wanted to travel around the world. The fairy godmother waved her magic wand and BOOM! The wife had the tickets in her hand.

Then it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, then said boldly, "Well, I'd like to have a wife 30 years younger than I." The fairy godmother picked up her wand and BOOM! He was now 90.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 28 July 2017
  • Currently 8.56/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (16)

Feeling edgy, a man took a hot...

Feeling edgy, a man took a hot bath.
Just as he became comfortable, the doorbell rang. The man got out of the tub, put on his slippers and robe and went to the door.
A salesman at the door wanted to know if he needed any brushes. Slamming the door, the man returned to the bath.
The doorbell rang again. On went the slippers and robe, and the man started for the door again. He took one step, slipped on a wet spot, fell backward, and hit his back against the hard porcelain bathtub.
Cursing under his breath, the man struggled into his street clothes and with every move a stab of pain, drove to the doctor.
After examining him, the doctor said, "You know, you've been lucky. Nothing is broken. But you need to relax... Why don't you go home and take a long hot bath?"
#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 28 July 2015
  • Currently 2.63/10

Rating: 2.6/10 (8)

Jokes Archive

NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.