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Jokes of the day for Friday, 22 November 2019

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 22 November 2019

Patient:" I'm in a hospital!

Patient:" I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?"
Doctor: "You've had an accident involving a bus."
Patient: "What happened?"
Doctor: "Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?"
Patient: "Give me the bad news first."
Doctor: "Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them."
Patient: "That's terrible! What's the good news?"
Doctor: "There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers."
#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 2.54/10

Rating: 2.5/10 (26)

Spelling Pole

Teacher: “Little Johnny, please spell the word 'pole'.”
Little Johnny: “P-O-L.”
Teacher: “But what is at the end of it?”
Little Johnny: “Electrical Wires, but I can’t spell that yet.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 6.80/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (10)

SLIDESHOW #5 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Didn't work 40 hours

“I didn't work 40 hours a week at the medical marijuana store. I was a pot time worker.”

#joke #short #pun
  • Currently 3.38/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (13)

Taxi Driver In Heaven


A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them.
'Come with me', said St. Peter to the taxi driver.
The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a mansion. It had anything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an olympic size pool.
'Wow, thank you', said the taxi driver.
Next, St. Peter led the priest to a rugged old shack with a bunk bed and a little old television set.
'Wait, I think you are a little mixed up', said the priest. 'Shouldn't I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a priest, went to church every day, and preached God's word.'
'Yes, that's true. But during your sermons people slept. When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed.'
#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 8.94/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (64)

Friar Gilbert Gottfried Roasts George Takei at the Friars Club

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 3.17/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (6)

Joe passed away. His will prov

Joe passed away. His will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral.
As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Helen, turned to her oldest friend.
"Well, I'm sure Joe would be pleased," she said.
"I'm sure you're right," replied Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in close.
"How much did this really cost?"
"All of it," said Helen. "Thirty thousand."
"No!" Jody exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?"
Helen answered. "The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the church. The wake, food and drinks were another $500. The rest went for the memorial stone."
Jody computed quickly. "$22,500 for a memorial stone? My God, how big is it?!"
"Two and a half carats."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 03 June 2018
  • Currently 8.31/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (35)

No worries

Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now, he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself.

"I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said. "But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."

"Excuse me?" the accountant said.

"I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back."

"I see," the accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?"

"I'll start you at eighty thousand."

"Eighty thousand dollars!" the accountant exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?"

"That," the owner said, "is your first worry."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 27 November 2016
  • Currently 7.70/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (10)

A little boy opened the big an...

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, he looked at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that has been pressed in between pages.

"Momma, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered:

"It's Adam's suit!!!!!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 22 November 2009
  • Currently 4.91/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (66)

Southwest

A mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big airplanes have baby airplanes?"
The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess.
So the boy went down the aisle and asked the stewardess. The stewardess, who was very busy at the time, smiled and said, "Did your Mom tell you to ask me?"
The boy said, "yes she did."
"Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your Mom explain that to you."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 22 November 2012
  • Currently 9.03/10

Rating: 9.0/10 (33)

“What happened to the...

“What happened to the rich guy with the double chin? He made a four chin.”

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 22 November 2013
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (34)

Halloween party

A nun gets into a cab and the cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why is he staring and he replies,

'I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you.'

She answers, 'My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.'

'Well,' the cab driver says, 'I've always had a fantasy that a nun performs oral sex on me.'

She responds, 'Well, let's see what we can do about that. First, you have to be single, and secondly, you must be Catholic.'

The cab driver is very excited and says,

'Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!'

The nun says, 'OK, pull into the next alley.'

He does and the nun fulfils his fantasy.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. 'My dear child, why are you crying?' says the nun.

'Forgive me sister, but I have sinned,' says the cabby. 'I lied. I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish.'

The nun says, 'That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween party.'

#joke #halloween
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 22 November 2010
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (31)

 Where Are You From?


The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this he whispered to the cowboy, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The cowboy groaned but didn't budge. The usher became more impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there, I'm going to have to call the manager. The cowboy just groaned.
The usher marched briskly back up the aisle. In a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's you're name?"
"Sam," the cowboy moaned.
"Where ya from, Sam?"
With pain in his voice Sam replied.... "The balcony."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 22 November 2018
  • Currently 8.55/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (22)

I MAKE APOCALYPSE...

I MAKE APOCALYPSE JOKES

LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 23 September 2015
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

The Hot Shot

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.
He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, ""Can I help you?""
The man said, ""Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 12 November 2011
  • Currently 6.82/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (38)

Irish Marriage Jokes

Paddy was an inveterate drunkard. The priest met him one day, and gave him a strong lecture about drink.
He said, "If you continue drinking as you do, you'll gradually get smaller and smaller, and eventually you'll turn into a mouse."
This frightened the life out of Paddy. He went home that night, and said to his wife, "Bridget....if you should notice me getting smaller and smaller, will ye kill that blasted cat?"
Shamrock
A surgeon and an architect, both English, were joined by an Irish politician, and all fell to arguing as to whose profession was the oldest.
Said the surgeon, "Eve was made from Adam's rib, and that surely was a surgical operation."
"Maybe," said the architect, "but prior to that, order was created out of chaos, and that was an architectural job."
"Shure now," interrupted the politician, "but somebody created the chaos first."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 19 November 2016
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

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