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Jokes of the day for Saturday, 07 December 2019

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 07 December 2019

A farmer wanted to have his he

A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster - one that would service all of his many hens.
When he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied, "I have just the rooster for you. Henry here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!"
So the farmer took Henry back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the hen house though, he gave Henry a little pep talk. "Henry", he said, "I'm counting on you to do your stuff." And without a word, Henry then strutted into the hen house.
Henry was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying, till Henry had finished having his way with each hen. But Henry didn't stop there, he went in to the barn and mounted all the horses, one by one and still at the same frantic pace. Then he went to the pig house where he did the same.
The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief, cried out, "Stop, Henry, you'll kill yourself." But Henry continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner.
Well the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Henry lying there on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and his long tongue hanging out. A buzzard was already circling above Henry.
The farmer walked up to Henry saying, "Oh you poor thing, look what you did, you've gone and killed yourself. I warned you big buddy."
"Shhhhh," Henry whispered, "The buzzard is getting closer."
#joke #animal #horse #pig #rooster
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 8.92/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (13)

 Dollars Equal Cents


Theorem: 1$ = 1c.
Proof:
And another that gives you a sense of money disappearing.
1$ = 100c
= (10c)^2
= (0.1$)^2
= 0.01$
= 1c
Here $ means dollars and c means cents. This one is scary in that I have seen PhD's in math who were unable to see what was wrong with this one. Actually I am crossposting this to sci.physics because I think that the latter makes a very nice introduction to the importance of keeping track of your dimensions.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

Tried to Resist

What do you call someone who can’t stick with a diet?
A desserter.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 6.71/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

“The retired weaver l

“The retired weaver liked to watch Star Trek and Lassie re-runs, dividing his leisure time between the warp and the woof.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 1.44/10

Rating: 1.4/10 (9)

An 8-year-old girl asks her fa

An 8-year-old girl asks her father, "Daddy,what is sex?" The father is somewhatsurprised that she would ask such aquestion. But, he reckons if she's oldenough to ask the question, then surelyshe's old enough for a straight answer.So, the father proceeds to tell his youngdaughter all about the "birds and the bees."
After a brief explanation, the little girlappears wide-eyed in disbelief. "By the way,dear, why do you ask?" the father asks.
The little girl replies, "Mommy told me to tellyou that dinner would be ready in just acouple of secs."
#joke #animal #bird #bee #food #dinner
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 7.54/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (13)

Breaking The Silence

Brother John entered the 'Monastery of Silence' and the Chief Priest said, "Brother, this is a silent monastery, you are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until I direct you to do so."

Brother John lived in the monastery for a full year before the Chief Priest said to him:

"Brother John, you have been here a year now, you may speak two words."

Brother John said, "Hard Bed."

"I'm sorry to hear that" the Chief Priest said. "We will get you a better bed."

The next year, Brother John was called by the Chief Priest. "You may say another two words Brother John."

"Cold Food." said Brother John, and the Chief Priest assured him that the food would be better in the future.

On his third anniversary at the monastery, the Chief Priest again called Brother John into his office. "Two words you may say today."

"I Quit." said Brother John.

"It is probably best." said the Chief Priest. "All you have done since you got here is complain."

#joke #food
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 12 December 2016
  • Currently 8.72/10

Rating: 8.7/10 (18)

The new minister's wife had a ...

The new minister's wife had a baby. The minister appealed to the congregation for a salary increase to cover the addition to the family.The congregation agreed that it was only fair, and approved it.
When the next child arrived, the minister appealed again and the congregation approved again.
Several years and five children later, the congregation was a bit upset over the increasing expense. This turned into a rather loud meeting one night with the minister. Finally, the minister stood and shouted out,"Having children is an act of God!!"
An older man in the back stood and shouted back, "Rain and snow are acts of God, too, and we wear rubbers for them."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 07 December 2009
  • Currently 6.03/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (65)

Chris Rock: Natural Causes

When you die at 72, no matter what you die of, its natural causes. Even if you get hit by a truck, its natural causes. Cause if you was younger, youd got out of the way.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 07 December 2010
  • Currently 4.74/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (61)

Bag

Saddam sent his son shopping to get some food.

His son came back with the food on his head.

So Saddam says "Why have you got the shopping on your head?"

The son replies, "Because there is no Baghdad!"

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by Calamjo

#joke #short #food
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 07 December 2010
  • Currently 3.94/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (53)

End of the earth

BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!

GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there?

Submitted by sai1ram

Edited by Curtis

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 07 December 2011
  • Currently 5.47/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (43)

You can own a sheep, or ron...

You can own a sheep, or fleece it.
#joke #short #animal #sheep
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 03 November 2015
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

Shalom Race

As you may know, in a shalom race the skier must pass through about 20 "gates" in the fastest time. Well, it happened that Israel had the fastest slalom skier in the world and had great expectations for an Olympic gold medal.
Came the day of the final, the crowd waited in anticipation. The French champion sped down the course in 38 seconds. The Swiss in 38.7 seconds, the German in 37.8 seconds and the Italian in 38.1 seconds. Next came the Israeli's turn ... the crowd waited, and waited...six minutes!
"What happened to you?" screamed his trainer when the Israeli finally arrived. Replied the exhausted Israeli: "Which of those idiots put a mezuzah on each gate?"
#joke #sport #olympic
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 29 April 2015
  • Currently 7.67/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (6)

APOLLOgize

Whenever a moon landing goes horribly wrong, NASA must APOLLOgize.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

Boogers and spinach

What is the differance between boogers and spinach?

You can't get your kids to eat spinach.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 13 January 2016
  • Currently 8.47/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (15)

Children and Cars

Children in the backseat can cause accidents.

Accidents in the backseat can cause children.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 06 June 2014
  • Currently 7.57/10

Rating: 7.6/10 (7)

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